


Field of Poppies

by Jubilee44



Series: Peaky Blinders [7]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Nightmares, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Pregnancy, Romani & Travelers, Unplanned Pregnancy, World War I
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 58,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubilee44/pseuds/Jubilee44
Summary: After being apart for six years, childhood friends Tommy and Amelia reunite under odd circumstances. Tommy is an outspoken young man and Amelia is pregnant and out on the streets. The bond of family can be unbreakable but it is tested often. Especially when Europe descends into war.
Relationships: Ada Shelby/Freddie Thorne, John Shelby/Martha Shelby, Tommy Shelby/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Peaky Blinders [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1284464
Comments: 46
Kudos: 226





	1. 1909 Small Heath

When someone got the chance to leave Small Heath, they never returned. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, a chance that others didn’t get. However, sometimes life was unfair and fate sent a person right back where they started.

Tommy Shelby was well known in Small Heath. The nineteen-year-old had a penchant for getting into mischief with his brothers. Still, his neighbors knew him as a kid who smiled often and had a good sense of humor. In fact, not everyone thought Tommy was a bad person. Everyone in the area had varying opinions on the entire Shelby family. The police thought they were a family of troublemakers. Some were skeptical of their background as Travelers. Many women revered Polly Gray for being near-mythical and often went to her to have their tea leaves read, even if it was behind their husband’s backs. And nearly every girl up and down the streets fancied at least one of the Shelby boys. They would giggle to each other when one passed by. If Tommy tipped his hat at them, they nearly fainted. Besides, what was better than a pair of blue eyes and a reputation?

Nineteen and a bit too big for his britches, although they were hand-me-downs, Tommy walked through Small Heath with a confident step. As he continued down the block, one of his neighbors called out.

“Up to no good, Thomas?” Mrs. Banks was on the front step of her home watching her two children playing on the street.

“Just getting some shopping for Polly.” Tommy grinned, always amused by her disapproving shake of the head.

“Hi, Tommy!” The Banks’ oldest child, Robert, greeted despite the glare from his mother. He kicked his football forward sending it careening toward Tommy.

He knocked it back toward the other children with his heel as he headed on his way.

“’Morning, Tommy.” The pretty blonde from down the street caught his attention only a few yards down the sidewalk.

“Violet, you well?” He put on a charming smile and stopped to chat. Polly wouldn’t mind if he was a bit late. Well, she would but Tommy didn’t care if he got scolded. 

“Better now that you’re here.” She looked at him coyly. “I haven’t seen you though. Thought you were avoiding me.”

“How could I avoid you?” He tilted his head to the side. “Doesn’t sound like me, does it?”

“Alright.” She playfully twisted a lock of her hair around her finger. “You could take me out tonight, then.”

“I think that could be arranged. I-” Tommy happened to glance over Violet’s shoulder and caught a glimpse of someone familiar. Someone he hadn’t seen in years but could never forget even if he tried. “I uh-we’ll talk soon, yeah?” He slipped past Violet even though she protested. Walking toward the figure, he could hardly believe his eyes. For more than one reason, it felt like he was seeing things. “Amelia.” He called out before he reached her.

The woman looked up; her eyes widened in surprise when she saw who was calling her. “Tommy.” The name left her lips in a soft gasp. “Wh-” It was quite a silly question to ask him, they were on Watery Lane. The only person who didn’t belong was her. 

So, Tommy asked the question for her. “What are you doing here?” The last time he’d seen his childhood best friend, she was at the train station. They were only thirteen at the time and Amelia’s family was moving to London. Her father had gotten hired somewhere with a salary that was unheard of in Birmingham. Naturally, that meant they could afford to live somewhere nicer, somewhere where his daughter wouldn’t have to play on the dirty streets with kids like Tommy Shelby. 

Amelia’s mouth opened but she couldn’t find the words. She had only been in Birmingham less than an hour after stepping off the train from London. It had been less than a day since she’d been banished from her parents’ flat. Her wounds were still fresh and she still hadn’t managed to piece the words together. So instead, she moved her suitcase to the side. “I-I’m pregnant.”

Tommy stared at her for a long moment. The fateful meetup had suddenly taken a strange turn. He didn’t understand the explanation. Pregnancy didn’t equal moving back to Small Heath.

“I’m sorry that was so sudden of me to say and-” She put a hand to her forehead in disbelief. “I just don’t know what to do, my brain’s all…I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” It certainly wasn’t how Tommy imagined reuniting with her. Sometimes he thought about her and wondered if she was well. Thought that maybe their paths would cross again and they’d talk about all the fun times they spent together. Instead, Amelia was stood there in front of him, suitcase at her feet, pregnant, and devastated.

Talking about it appeared to be too much for the young woman. She wrinkled her nose and bit her lip to keep from crying. “I’ve nowhere to go now and I hardly have any money.”

“What about your parents?” Tommy reached into his pocket to retrieve a handkerchief for her.

“They don’t want anything to do with me after-well.” She took the small square of cloth and dabbed her watery eyes.

“You always have a place with us.” He insisted. “Polly’d never let you live out on the streets. Come stay with us.”

“There’s no reason for you to offer me something like that.” It had been years since they’d seen one another, she never expected anything from the Shelby family.

“I’ve more than enough reasons,” Tommy replied and picked up her suitcase. “C’mon. We have a lot of things to catch up on.” He offered his elbow to her.

Still teary-eyed and clutching his handkerchief, she linked arms with him. She swallowed and began walking back to Six Watery Lane with him. “Like how tall you’ve gotten?”

He smiled. “Told you’d I get taller one day.”

“Well, I always knew you were destined for great things.”

With a chuckle, he sidestepped a puddle of murky rainwater. “Guess we’ll see, aye?”

When they arrived, Polly was a mixture of disappointment and happiness. She was dismayed by Amelia’s fate and irate that her parents would ever do such a thing. And yet, she was happy to see the young woman again. The little girl who was a staple in the household for so many years was all grown up.

“Pregnant and kicked out.” She shook her head as she prepared tea. “Pregnancy isn’t a curse, it’s a fucking blessing.”

Amelia looked small in the chair, even if she had grown a bit since she was thirteen. Before, she used to be a loud, outgoing girl who made her presence known in the household. With no siblings of her own, she gravitated toward the Shelby children who gladly adopted her. Six Watery Lane had become a second home to her. But things had changed so much.

During her time away, she’d grown meek and withdrawn. Especially after news of the pregnancy, which she tried desperately to keep from her family. A whole month she went without telling anyone but the father of the child. It had taken such a toll on her that she was nothing like her former self.

“Pol, it’s alright.” Tommy could see how uneasy Amelia was, sat across from him at the table. 

Polly didn’t pick up on the hint though. “It’s _not_ alright.” She reaffirmed. “It’s a disgrace. She’s nineteen, Thomas, just a child!”

“Pol!” He urged again.

His aunt turned around and saw Amelia’s head hanging low. She sighed and went to sit beside her. “You keep your head up now.” She touched her shoulder. “You’ve got a responsibility but you’ve also got support here. You’ll take Tommy’s room upstairs. We’ll fix it up nice for the baby. There’s enough room for a cot in the corner. It’ll be alright.”

“Oh, Polly, I couldn’t just step in an-and make a fuss. I’ll find work and I’ll be alright.” Amelia tried to assure her.

Polly raised an eyebrow. “Raising kids is tough work, young lady. Isn’t a walk in the park. Who’s gonna be watching the child when you’re off at work?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“It takes a village, my dear. Luckily, you’ve got enough hands around here to help.” Polly stood up, leaving the conversation as is. There was nothing else to argue. What was done was done.

Amelia opened her mouth but decided the opportunity was too good to pass up. Without the Shelbys, she really was lost and would probably be out on the streets doing lord knows what for work. And while it wasn’t in her nature to rely on others to take care of her, it would have to do for the time being.

Tommy smiled, apparently pleased that they were helping out. Maybe even that his old friend was back too. Not in the circumstances he’d been expecting but back all the same. “I’ll bring your things upstairs.” He said and jumped up from the table. 

“You’ve still got errands to run, young man, you’re not off the hook for that!” Polly called after him. 

“Got it, Pol!” He sounded in a considerably better mood now once Amelia showed up. 

Polly just sighed and smiled. “You’ll be okay.” She promised Amelia. “You’ll stay as long as you need to. We’ll help get you a good job, you won’t have to worry about being without.” 

“I don’t know how to thank you.” While she was filled with relief that she would have a roof over her head for at least the night, she was worried about the future. It had been six years since she’d been in Birmingham and while she wanted to trust the Shelbys, people changed. It would be reckless to be carefree. She was pregnant and that was something she had to take seriously. But she tried to just focus on the current moment. “Where’s Mrs. Shelby?” She wondered. 

A look of grief passed over Polly’s face. “Oh, dear, I suppose there is a lot to tell you about.” She admitted. “She passed away, ‘bout six months ago. Gave birth to another son but couldn’t recover from the labor.” 

It only solidified the fact that things had drastically changed in the time Amelia was away. “I’m sorry to hear that.” She said quietly. 

There was a soft wail from upstairs and Polly stood up. “That’ll be him now, our little Finn. I’ll be right back.

Tommy came back downstairs, causing the creaky floorboards to make a fuss. He stopped in the kitchen. “Finn’s up.” 

“Yes, yes, I hear him. Now get a move on unless you lot want to starve tonight.” She shooed off her nephew. 

By dinnertime, Amelia was a little more comfortable being back in Small Heath. She tentatively unpacked her things in Tommy’s room even though she offered to sleep elsewhere. On the couch or on the floor, but Polly wouldn’t hear it.

Amelia helped with Finn where she could. However, the infant was a stark reminder that she would be looking after her own child very soon.

Ada came home from school and was delighted to see Tommy’s old friend. She used to admire the older girl because she wore bows in her hair and could do a perfect cartwheel. Now Ada was twelve and apparently had so much to tell Amelia. She sat on the kitchen counter as Amelia helped Polly cook dinner.

“And I’ve learned to canter on a horse. Uncle Charlie says I’m really good, better than John is. I ride a horse named Tippy. I can braid her mane really well. She kinda looks like the horse that’s in the book I’m reading.” As Ada rambled on happily, the front door opened and closed with a slam.

The eldest Shelby came marching in with Tommy behind him. Arthur, now in his early twenties, looked pissed as he dragged along a disheveled John. The teenager was sporting a bloodied lip and a bruise was starting to form below his left eye.

Polly looked displeased but not the least bit shocked. “What happened?”

“Found him scrapping down by the docks,” Arthur replied.

“I didn’t fucking start it!” John protested.

“You get into a fight then use that sort of language around your sister?” Polly pointed a knife at him. “Go get cleaned up for dinner before I send you off with nothing.”

John wrinkled his nose but listened and trudged upstairs, earning a smack in the head from Tommy as he passed by.

When Arthur stepped further into the kitchen, he looked surprised. “Is that our Mellie?” He chuckled.

Amelia smiled a little sheepishly. She hadn’t been called that in quite some time. “Hello, Arthur.”

“Found her earlier today.” Tommy sat down at the table. “She’s gonna stay with us for a bit.”

“Really? Thought you’d become a posh London girl.” Arthur teased. “Too good for us Brummies.”

“Of course not.” She felt a little strange, not knowing whether she should be open about the pregnancy or not. It was only a matter of time before people started asking the tougher questions. Who was the father…where is he…what happened…it was all embarrassing to her. She met Tommy’s eyes and he gave her a comforting smile.

“Well, s’nice to have a familiar face.” Arthur apparently didn’t need much of an explanation.

“Maybe she’ll bring some class to this household.” Polly scolded. “You know your brother fights because he wants to be like you two. He’ll do anything to be like you and it’ll get him killed!”

“Relax, Pol, he’s just being a kid.” Tommy struck up a match to light a cigarette.

“Yeah, one of these days we’ll teach him how to fight proper.” Arthur grinned and playfully socked his brother in the arm.

“Enough.” Polly snapped. “Dinner’ll be done soon. Go wash up.”

The boys jostled each other as they left the kitchen, pretending to box like pros.

Amelia smiled and gathered the dishes to start to set the table. “So seven settings, Polly? Mr. Shelby will be home soon?”

“Oh, no, dear I wouldn’t expect him around.” Polly gave her the correct number of settings. “He isn’t around often.”

It was another change that Amelia didn’t expect. Arthur Sr. was never a loving, caring father. In fact, she remembered being frightened by the man. He had a loud voice and would often send Amelia home so he could punish his children. But he wasn’t absent, at least not as far as she could remember.

“Polly, can I help feed Finn?” Ada asked, hopping down from the counter.

“Of course, love, go get your brothers and we’ll say grace.”

After dinner, Amelia didn’t stay up long. She was emotionally exhausted and felt the best course of action was to retire to bed early. She wished the Shelbys goodnight and went up to Tommy’s room. The bed was made, no doubt Polly had made sure Tommy cleaned his room for Amelia’s sake.

It smelled distinctly of the young man. The smell of cigarettes was mixed with some sort of fresh, clean scent. Maybe a soap or aftershave. But it was strangely comforting and made her feel a bit more secure, protected even.

Even though thoughts were running through her head like a herd of wild horses, she managed to fall fast asleep relatively quickly.

But she couldn’t stay asleep. Around midnight, she found herself awake again. She soon became restless and unable to ignore her thoughts. There was so much that she needed to plan for but she had such little resources. How could she provide for a child in Small Heath? How could she manage to raise a child at all? It was all so foreign and frightening.

With her anxiety bubbling up in her throat, Amelia had to get up out of the small bed. It was as if she were trying to escape her thoughts, by leaving the room and wandering downstairs. She winced at every creak in the floorboard, hoping she wouldn’t wake the rest of the family.

She passed the sitting room and saw Tommy curled up on the couch. It didn’t look very comfortable but he didn’t seem bothered.

That is, until she walked by and landed on a particularly loose floorboard.

The squeaking noise woke Tommy up and he blearily rubbed his eyes. For a moment, he couldn’t make out the shadowy figure in the doorway. In his sleep-addled state, he almost forgot that Amelia was there. But then she stepped a little closer and his eyes adjust. “Oh, Mel, it’s just you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” She apologized.

“S’alright.” He yawned and sat up. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not really.” She admitted and lingered awkwardly by the door.

“Do you want to talk?”

She let the question hang in the air for a bit. There was so much they _could_ talk about. Years of events and happenings that they needed to fill each other in on. But it all seemed so overwhelming that she couldn’t even find a place to start. So, instead, she sat down in a nearby armchair. “I’m sorry about your mum.”

Tommy paused and swallowed. The death of his mother was still very fresh. Six months wasn’t enough to mourn the gentle woman who selflessly took care of them all. “Oh, yeah, thanks.” He mumbled.

“She was a good person.” Amelia had very fond memories of the dark-haired woman.

“Yeah.”

She looked down; a bit ashamed that she couldn’t properly comfort her old friend. “I should let you sleep.” She stood up and headed back toward the stairs.

“Amelia.” He stopped her. “I’m glad you’re back. I know that…the circumstances aren’t great, or whatever. But I’m really glad you’re here again.”

She nodded. “Good night, Tom.”


	2. March 1909

It took some time before Amelia was at least a little bit settled, a couple of weeks to be exact. Polly had warned all of the Shelby children to leave the young woman be and to let her figure out her place. That meant no asking about what happened in London, no asking about the baby, and no asking about the father of said baby. Instead, they talked to her about the things they’d been up to. A very short list, honestly. After all, they were all in Small Heath the entire time. The only thing that really changed was the death of their mother and their ages.

Although, Amelia did notice change in Tommy. He was a bit quieter than he was as a young teenager. Not as loud or rambunctious. However, he was still passionate. Still had an enthusiasm for horses and guns. But there was something budding that she noticed as soon as he started talking about it.

“Now there’s a grocer looking for a shop-girl. I’ve just spoken to his wife and I think they’d be good employers. They know you’re pregnant so they would make you do anything too taxing. Best you’re not lifting anything too heavy.” Polly said after sitting down with Amelia late one afternoon. “But if that doesn’t work out, there’s always work in one of the factories.”

Tommy who was listening in took instant offense to Polly’s suggestion. “She’s not working in a fucking factory, Pol.” He snapped protectively.

“She has a baby on the way, she’s going to need the money.” His aunt insisted. “Here you have to take whatever you can get, you know that.”

“You know what happens in those shitholes. People lose limbs to the machines and the bosses don’t give a fuck. They don’t even pay ‘em a decent wage.” He spoke with such anger in his voice. It was obviously something he cared a lot about. And since none of the Shelbys worked in factories, she could only assume it was based on friends he knew. What she did know was Tommy always had a big heart and especially hated injustice. She could recall several instances of him raising his voice over things he didn’t think were right or fair. On one such occasion, they couldn’t have been more than ten, he stood up for Curly because a couple of kids were making fun of the way he talked. When they refused to apologize, Tommy jumped the biggest kid of the pack and broke his nose. After that, the rest of the group hurried off.

“I’m not disagreeing with you, Thomas, I’m just saying.”

“She doesn’t need to work; we’ll take care of her.” He leaned against the counter.

“That’s very sweet of you Tommy, but I’m sure you all have enough on your plate. I really don’t mind working.” In fact, Amelia felt like she didn’t have a choice. She could rely on the Shelbys for housing for a bit. But she wasn’t going to take money from them. If Arthur Sr was absent then that meant Polly was probably trying to make ends meet for the entire household. With money from the odd jobs that Tommy and Arthur did, that would mean there was only enough for them. Amelia felt it wasn’t her place to put more of a burden on the family.

“Well, soon we’re going to have a betting shop. We’ll make plenty of money and you won’t have to work.” He brushed aside her concern.

Polly threw a hand up. “This again…”

“Betting shop?” Amelia raised an eyebrow. It was the first she’d heard of the venture.

“Yep.” Tommy nodded proudly. “Arthur and I have already been taking bets for races. We’ve saved enough to buy the place next door for practically nothing. The last owner got kicked out. We’ll set it up as a betting shop.”

“An _illegal_ betting shop,” Polly interjected. “No one with any good sense would give you two a fucking betting license.”

He just shrugged. “Don’t need a license if we don’t get caught.” He reminded her as if it were sage advice.

His aunt scoffed and rolled her eyes. “That arrogance will get you locked up or killed one day.” She pointed a finger at him.

Amelia had to agree with her. “Do you think it’s such a good idea?” She added.

“Maybe not a good idea, but it’ll make money. We’ve already made more money this week than we would’ve made in a month. With a shop front, we’ll make triple that.” He was so self-assured that Amelia couldn’t help but believe that he would make it happen one day. She never knew Tommy to be a quitter. That’s why she worried.

Luckily, the grocer hired Amelia to work the till at the shop. She fell into a nice routine fairly quickly. The hours weren’t too long, but they kept her occupied which was godsent. If she was busy working, she didn’t have to sit with her thoughts. The only time she worried about her future was at night if she couldn’t sleep.

As she became more settled with her routine, she felt like she could open up a bit more. For the most part, she didn’t say much when she was around the Shelbys. She engaged in conversation, but only to discuss what they were already talking about. She had no stories to tell. And it remained that way until Tommy began showing up to eat lunch with her a couple of days a week.

She’d take her lunch break with him by the back door of the shop, eating what Polly had packed for them that morning. They made use of the empty crates to sit on and use as makeshift tables. The alleyway was grungy and cramped but it was exactly what they’d grown up with. There was a time when Amelia knew the back alleys of Small Heath so well, she could probably run them blindfolded. They’d run through the pathways like obstacle courses, ducking beneath clotheslines, and leaping over boxes and trash. It was hard to really take in the dilapidated area when they were running so fast through it.

But at lunch, they sat, not really minding the smell like someone who was used to clean air might have. Amelia would give scraps to the cats that wandered around the neighborhood as Tommy talked. But it was hard to keep a conversation when only one person was really saying anything while the other simply agreed or nodded.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Tommy asked one day.

“What do you mean?” Amelia didn’t meet his eyes because she had a feeling what he meant.

“What happened in London.” He clarified. It had been weeks and Tommy was a bit worried about what she was keeping from them. Before she moved, there was nothing Amelia wouldn’t tell him. She was absolute shit at keeping secrets. If he had been trying to keep something from Polly or his mother, he would never tell Amelia. Sometimes she hardly even knew she was blabbing the secret until it was out of her mouth.

Now she was closed off and hardly even acted like the same person. It made him a bit disappointed. He’d been so excited to see her but it didn’t feel like how things used to be. Granted, they were older, but he assumed they would still have the same bond they had before.

Amelia chewed on her lower lip and kept her eyes on the sandwich in her hands. “I don’t know if you really want to know all the details, Tom. I don’t think it really matters anymore.”

“Matters to me.” He insisted. “I mean, if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. I just…” He shrugged. “You’re just not like yourself these days and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know if you were okay.”

It had been a while since Amelia felt like anyone truly cared for her. And she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with the idea that Tommy cared enough to really listen to her. But she still felt so embarrassed by the circumstances that had landed her back in Birmingham. So much so that it brought tears to her eyes. “I just feel so lost.” She admitted after wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve. “I’ve felt lost ever since we left for London. I couldn’t find my place there, no matter how hard I tried. I thought maybe coming back here I’d feel better but I don’t. I feel like there’s no place for me anymore.” 

Tommy set his lunch aside and stood up. “C’mon, you know you always have a place here.” He tried to comfort her as best he could.

“It’s not the same. I have no fucking idea what I’m going to do. I mean what am I going to do with a baby? I’ve got no family, nothing. What happens when he or she grows up and they find out the truth? God, what they’ll think of me.” She stifled a sob.

“C’mere, s’alright.” He murmured and sat down beside her so he could wrap an arm around her shoulders. “You’ve got a family here, yeah? We’re gonna look after you. I was serious about the betting shop.”

“Tommy…”

“Things are changing, Mel.” He said in a quiet but encouraged voice. “People aren’t happy with the way this place is being run. We’re not gonna let the rich walk all over us anymore.”

She searched his blue eyes, at a complete loss. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s a girl I met named Greta. She invited me to a meeting about unions. This could be the start of people deciding things for themselves instead of being bossed around by people. People who’ve never worked a day in their fucking lives.” He spoke with such animation that one could do nothing but believe him.

“Tom…” Amelia sighed and let her chin fall to her chest, disappointed that she had to be the voice of reason. Disappointed that she had to dash his ambition. “I believe that you want to change the world. And I believe that if anyone had the ability to do it, it’s you. But you can’t just expect the world to turn upside down in a matter of days or even years.”

He let his arm slip away from her shoulders. He wasn’t angry, she wasn’t the first person to doubt. But it was disheartening to know that she wouldn’t be on board with the idea. He thought she might take to it, but it was an ideology that not everyone would accept.

“I’m sorry.” Amelia bit her lip. “That was shit of me to say.”

“No, s’alright.” He rubbed the back of his neck and retreated back to his spot across from her. He balled up the wax paper his sandwich had been wrapped in. With a distracted aim, he tossed the ball at a nearby trash bin. It bounced off the side and rolled to the ground. But Tommy didn’t get up to retrieve it.

“I just can’t focus on the rest of the world right now.” She frowned and rubbed her eyes. “It’s all too much to begin with but to think of…revolutions and-”

“You think I’m mad then?” Tommy cracked a smile, drawing her eyes back to him.

A light smile played on her lips but she shook her head. “No. I think you’re very well-intentioned. You always have been, always stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves. I just think you have high hopes for the world.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But if no one else does, then we aren’t gonna solve anything.” 

Before work, Amelia would walk Finn and Ada to school. This way, Polly didn’t have to lug Finn along in the pram, instead, she could tend to him at home. She would hold Ada’s hand as they made their way down the grimy streets of Small Heath. Neighbors would greet them and sometimes other kids would tag along.

John had a fondness for splashing in every puddle he could find and gawking at every car that might pass them by. He was taken by automobiles and always told Amelia that when he was older, he was going to have the biggest, fanciest, most expensive car ever made. She would just smile and nod. Who was she to tell him that people in Small Heath never scraped their way to the top? They were the forgotten ones of society. No one cared whether they had enough money to eat let alone enough money to ever own a car.

“Daddy’s coming home for my birthday.” Ada chirped to Amelia one day on their way to school.

“No, he’s not.” John retorted from a few steps ahead of them.

“John,” Amelia said in a warning tone. The subject of Arthur sr. was very touchy, especially for the youngest of the Shelbys. Ada and certainly Finn didn’t understand why he wasn’t around. It was difficult enough losing a mother but losing a father so shortly after would be even more challenging. Amelia could have issues with her parents but she felt they weren’t comparable to what the Shelbys faced. Especially at such a young age.

“Yes, he is, it’s my birthday and he has to come home.” Ada asserted. 

“He didn’t come home for my birthday.” He turned to glare at his sister. “So why would he come for yours?”

It didn’t take much to make Ada cry. Although the young girl was strong-willed and tried to be tough like her brothers, she had a sensitive heart.

“John, apologize to your sister right now.” Amelia ordered.

“For what?” He shot back in a bewildered voice. “M’just telling the truth, she’s acting like a baby!”

Ada burst into tears and shoved past them both, running the last block to the schoolyard.

“What an awful thing to say, I hope you say you're sorry.”

John just kicked at a stray pebble on the street. “It’s the truth. Mum said we hafta tell the truth, so I did. Dad don’t care ‘bout any of us.” He shrugged and glanced the other way when a group of boys called his name. “She’ll forget by dinner, Mellie.” He promised and went to catch up with his friends.

Amelia stood in the street watching the kids all heading to class. An awful feeling settled in her stomach when she realized what she was up against in the coming years. A child asking who their father was. Where he was. Why he wasn’t there. Would she take the brunt of the anger? Would her child blame her for their father being absent? It was just another thing to add to the pile of scenarios she had to worry about. One more thing added to the list.


	3. March-May 1909

Polly said that Amelia wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be joining the family for dinner. The only one who seemed hung up on this fact was Tommy. The others were happy to go about eating and chatting about their day. As John had predicted, Ada seemed to forget what she was crying about that morning. She was all too excited to tell everyone that she had been the best at double-dutch in the schoolyard. Even better than that no-good-pigtailed-bratty-stuck-up-snob Ingrid.

Tommy wasn’t too interested in the mundane details of his family’s life. His mind was elsewhere, so he finished dinner quickly and headed upstairs.

When Amelia arrived, Polly had to rearrange the Shelbys to make room. Tommy had to camp out on the couch a bit longer than he would’ve liked because none of his siblings could agree to any proposed arrangement. John and Ada didn’t want to bunk together. Arthur argued he was the oldest and should have his own room. And none of them wanted to be placed with Finn. Finally, Polly put her foot down. Tommy and John would share a room and that was that.

But when Tommy passed what once was his room, the door was open and it was empty. He frowned and continued down the cramped hall. The bathroom door was closed and he could hear retching from inside. He lightly knocked on the door. “Mel? Alright?”

The young woman cleared her throat and stood up from her spot kneeling at the toilet. She rinsed her mouth out in the washbasin and opened the door. “I’m okay.”

“Sounded like you were getting sick.”

“It’s normal with the baby.” She assured him; a bit embarrassed that he’d heard her.

“Oh.” He nodded and could remember times when his mother was ill with his siblings. But he hadn’t thought much of it. She had always put on a brave face for her kids. “Pol said you weren’t feeling well.”

“Long day, I guess.” She moved past him and went back to the bedroom.

Tommy followed even if she didn’t really invite him to. He leaned up against the doorframe. “Anything you want to talk about or I could fuck off ‘n leave you be.”

She laughed softly and waved him into the room. “Close the door, would you?”

He obliged, going to sit on a chest across from the bed, by the nearly empty desk. Even if it was his room, he didn’t want to invade her privacy.

Amelia sat down on the bed and leaned down to remove her stockings. She felt so sluggish and weary but couldn’t tell if it really was just because of her busy day or because her mind was a factory of worries. She tossed the stockings toward the hamper and began to unpin her hair.

“What’s on your mind? You look-concerned.”

“Do you think that not having your father around really…well, I guess that’s a stupid fucking question. I just…” She groaned when she couldn’t find the words to voice her distress. She realized she wouldn’t get anywhere if she was asking rhetorical questions in some roundabout way. “Do you think that my child will hate me because they won’t know their father? Honestly, be honest.”

Tommy was surprised. He expected she would go to Polly with such a problem. True, they were longtime friends but what did he know about children and parenthood? “I don’t think your child would hate you for anything? You’ll be a great mother, Mel, you know that.”

Amelia tipped her head up to the ceiling. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes and she didn’t want them to fall. “I want you to be honest with me, Tom, not to say nice things. We both know nothing in this fucking world is nice.”

“Hey, now. Look at me. Amelia, look at me.”

She did so, reluctantly. A tear slipped down her cheek as she met his blue eyes.

“Yeah, so the world’s a pile of shit. But there are nice things if there weren’t then what would be the point of living, aye?” He pointed out. “I don’t know what your child will say ‘bout anything. But I know that they’ll think the world of you because you did everything for them. That’s something, right?”

She shook her head. Everything in her wanted to stay miserable. She wanted to torture herself because she felt she deserved it. All of her actions had led her to that moment. She deserved what she got. But Tommy’s words coaxed her gently to a nicer place. A place where there was hope. There was the possibility that she could succeed in raising her child.

“I’ll say it again but you’ve got a family here. We’re gonna help you out. And-and if I need to step in as some sorta father figure than I will.” He straightened up a bit as he finished. Suddenly determined to take on the challenge he’d thrust upon himself.

“Tom…”

“I’m serious.” He reiterated with a half-smile. “I mean, I may not be any good at it, but I’ll try. I said I’d take care of you and I intend on doing that. I’m not some good for nothing like-” He purposefully didn’t finish his thought. It didn’t need to be finished; they both knew they were talking about Arthur Sr. Tommy strove to be the exact opposite of his father. He wouldn’t beat his children, wouldn’t drink their money away, would provide for them, would make sure dinner was always on the table, would give them a sense of safety and love. He could give that to Amelia’s child, they both deserved to be treated well. Why shouldn’t Tommy be the one to do so?

“I can’t ask you to do that.” Amelia looked hesitant. Would it be nice to have a strong male figure in her child’s life? Of course. She worried what would happen without one. But to put that responsibility on someone else her age? They were both still so young.

“You don’t have to ask.” He shrugged and stood up. “Are you feeling a bit better? I could see if they spared you any leftovers downstairs.” He offered as if it were the first thing he could do to prove he was fit to help her out.

She smiled. “Maybe a bit of bread.” 

“Alright, just be a mo’.”

After his talk with Amelia, Tommy was more intent on setting up the betting shop as soon as they could. The empty place offered so many possibilities in his eyes. Possibilities that could lift him and his family out of poverty. Both he and Arthur knew it would be an uphill battle. There were already plenty of betting shops tucked away in the dark corners of Birmingham and elsewhere. Using fronts as laundry, pubs, or even butchers. Beyond that, there were men who controlled the tracks. They fixed races to their heart’s delight and didn’t take kindly to others who tried to do the same. Without explicit permission, of course. Their bookies were violent and no one in their right mind would go after them. Maybe that’s why everyone thought Arthur and Tommy were mad.

And perhaps they were, but that didn’t stop them from beginning to take bets out of the shop attached to the flat.

Polly wanted to be upset that her nephews were bringing trouble so close to their home. But she couldn’t deny the income that they were starting to bring in. It wasn’t much at first, but it was something. Something that could be counted on for groceries or unexpected expenses. And since Tommy and Arthur had stopped attending school around thirteen, they made mistakes with the odds. So, Polly felt she could step in and mind the books better than they could. She never claimed to be a saint.

Being a charming man meant Tommy could count on a lot of people joining his little setup. People he’d known for years and could trust. Danny Owens was a good friend with a good heart, Freddie Thorne knew him from Greta’s meetings. Jeremiah attended church with Polly but he wasn’t shy of a little criminal behavior to survive. There were others, but there was a hierarchy of trust that Tommy took very seriously. Family always came first.

But with the betting shop came trouble. Other bookies weren’t so keen that the Shelbys were starting to dip their toes in the business. There was already enough competition in Birmingham alone. So, trouble started to brew.

It started with just some harassment. A few threats and taunts. The Birmingham Boys apparently weren’t going to chalk the Shelbys up to just some amateurs. Even if there was a whiff of a potential threat, they learned to step in and snuff out the problem.

That’s why, a few months after the betting shop was established, Tommy was jumped by five men. Luckily, they hadn’t roughed him up too badly. But he did look to be in bad shape when he staggered into the flat. He was limping and held a blood-soaked handkerchief to his nose

“Tom!” Amelia gasped in horror when he came inside and ran into her at the base of the stairs. Six months pregnant, Polly had warned her to be a bit more cautious when it came to surprises and overexerting herself. But of course, she couldn’t be prepared for everything Tommy decided to get into.

“S’alright, s’alright.” He grunted and made his way into the kitchen. He was certain one of his ribs was broken and his nose might have been too. It hadn’t exactly been a fair fight. He was taken completely by surprise as five of the Birmingham Boys popped out around a dark corner and immediately pummeled him to the ground. Once the initial blow wore off, Tommy tried to fight back but there wasn’t much use. Had Arthur been there, maybe they would’ve had a chance. But alone, he was knocked to the ground and had his ribs kicked in as the older men shouted slurs at him.

“What happened?” She followed him, still in shock.

“Got attacked.” He answered through the cloth over his nose and mouth. He went to the water pump and tried to get it going but the pain in his side was too much. He winced in pain and stifled a yelp.

Amelia quickly dragged a chair over to the pump and made him sit. She filled up the basin with a bit of water and found a dishcloth to use. “Can I see?”

Tommy removed the bloodied handkerchief. The blood seemed to have ebbed by the time he limped home.

She carefully began to wipe the blood away from his face. “What else hurts?” She asked. They could talk about what happened when she was sure he was okay.

“Me ribs.” He rested a hand over the painful spot.

“Alright, well, let me clean you up and I can have a look.”

Tommy took a few deep breaths. His heart was still racing and of course he was still pissed off that he’d been bested. Of course, he could take some solace that he was severely outnumbered and at a disadvantage. Still, it bruised his ego.

Amelia tried to lighten the mood a bit. “You looked like this after you beat up Ben Hearn because he kissed me.”

It drew a smile from him as he remembered the event from when they were around ten-years-old. Tommy was heartbroken when he heard around school that Ben had kissed his best friend and secret crush. But when he got word that Amelia hadn’t wanted to kiss Ben in the first place, Tommy decided to get retribution. Ben had gotten a lucky punch and made Tommy’s nose bleed. But that only angered him more to the point where Arthur had to pull his younger brother off the other boy because it looked like Tommy had murder in his eyes. 

“You knocked out his tooth.”

Tommy shook his head. “I knocked out two of his teeth.” He corrected with a familiar smirk. “And he deserved it.”

Amelia sighed. “You were always getting into trouble back then. I thought maybe it would change when we got older but…” She rinsed the cloth and watched the red water trickle into the basin. “Maybe this betting shop idea is too dangerous.”

“Mel-”

“I know why you’re doing it, and I admire your initiative but you have to know what you might be risking. Money won’t do us any good if you’re injured or-”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to worry.”

She hung the wet cloth against the side of the basin and turned back toward him. “Tom, if you’re coming home like this then I think I have a reason to be worried!” She exclaimed.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll sort it out.” He promised.

Amelia wanted to scold him further but didn’t have the heart to. Besides, once Tommy set his mind to something, there wasn’t much hope for swaying him. Getting beat up never stopped him before, it likely wouldn’t stop him in the future. “You said your ribs hurt too?” She asked quietly.

He nodded.

“I can take a look at them but if they’re broken you ought to go see a doctor.” She washed any stray stains of blood off her hands and the washbasin.

“Can’t afford a doctor right now.” Tommy stood up with a grunt and returned the chair to the table. He didn’t want Polly asking questions the next morning if she found the kitchen in disarray.

“What do you mean? I thought Arthur said you had a good week. Said you had extra money.” Amelia dried her hands.

“We did.”

“So, where’s the money?” She questioned further.

“I spent it.” Tommy grabbed a bottle of stout and uncorked it.

“On what?”

“You’ll see tomorrow, Mel.”

The next day was Saturday and Amelia had the day off. She watched over John and Ada to give Polly a well-needed break.

The weather was unseasonably warm so she took the two kids outside to play so they wouldn’t be cooped up indoors. Amelia sat on the steps darning one of her stockings while Ada skipped rope and John played football in the street with other neighborhood kids.

There was a small group of people next door waiting to place bets for the next day’s race. To the untrained eye, they looked fairly inconspicuous. Amelia hadn’t asked what might happen if the cops would catch wind of the operation. No one mentioned it, so she assumed they either had it handled or intentionally didn’t want to think about it. Still, Polly had instilled in everyone that if the police were to come around, no one knew a thing about betting shops.

“S'cuse me miss, is Tommy Shelby ‘round?”

Amelia looked up from her stockings and smiled. “Danny?”

The young man’s face broke into a look of disbelief. “Mellie? Is that you?” He removed his hat and got closer. “Tom said you’d come back; wasn’t sure I’d recognize you.” Danny Owens had been a longtime friend of the Shelbys. As a boy he was much taller than anyone in class but was quite awkward and quiet. He was from a very poor family, just like the rest of them. He was painfully shy from growing up with an abusive father. But once Tommy and Arthur took him under their wing, he became a bit more confident. He wasn’t much for fighting but if it was necessary to protect his friends, he would step in. Though, most kids wouldn’t even try to fight him because of his size and broad shoulders.

Yet, Amelia had always known him as someone with a gentle side. “It’s been a while.” She agreed. “How’s your family?”

“They’re good. Yeah, everyone’s good.” Danny fidgeted with his hat as he spoke to her. 

She could tell he didn’t really want to talk about his family which was all well and good. Amelia didn’t want to talk about hers either. “You were after Tommy?”

“You haven’t seen him ‘round have you?”

“He should be in the shop. You can go through the kitchen if you’d like.” Amelia scooted to the side so Danny could get by. 

“Thanks, Mel. Glad you’re back.” He smiled and walked into the flat.

As he passed, she noticed his knuckles were bruised and there was a bit of blood smeared over the top of his hand. It sent a shiver down her spine as she realized it wasn’t just Tommy getting into trouble. Everyone she once knew as a child was getting caught up in this violence. It might’ve been small skirmishes, akin to the ones they used to get into in the schoolyard. But Amelia reasonably knew that there were much larger stakes at risk. None of them labeled their actions as organized crime, but that’s what it was. Amelia had heard about large scale gangs in London who controlled a lot more than just horse races. They had control over pubs and other businesses, paid off the police, and there were rumors that they had influence over government too.

She wasn’t sure that was Tommy’s end game but she also didn’t know if he had any control over that. Could someone remove themselves from the lifestyle? Or were they in it for life?

With a sigh, she set her stockings aside and checked on John and Ada across the street. There were so many questions about the future that she couldn’t even try to begin to answer. All she could do was see what came of it.

That same night, Amelia was in the kitchen making dinner while Ada rattled on about how she was going to go riding tomorrow and how Uncle Charlie might let her try to jump.

The front door opened and Tommy poked his head inside. “Mel?” He called.

“In the kitchen!” She replied.

“Right, stay there, don’t come upstairs ‘til I say.”

She raised an eyebrow but listened and continued peeling potatoes while Ada went on about horses.

There were a few bumps against the wall and the staircase railing after the front door shut.

“Fucking hell, this thing weighs a ton!” Arthur cursed.

“Oi, be careful.” Tommy chided.

“Be careful? It’s gonna damage me ‘fore I damage it!”

A couple bangs and thumps and swears later, Tommy called Amelia upstairs.

She and Ada went up and found him and Arthur in the bedroom. She looked confused until she saw the cot in the corner. Her mouth popped open in shock. “Tom?”

He smiled a bit sheepishly. “For the baby.”

“But I thought…I thought we would just move Finn’s in here.” She walked over to the new piece of furniture.

“That thing’s older than any of us.” He shook his head. “Ought to toss it once Finn’s done with it.”

Amelia ran a hand over the smooth oak wood. It was pristine, no nicks, or peeling varnish to be found. There were even intricate designs in the solid wood side and legs. She felt herself getting teary-eyed. She was didn’t even notice as Arthur herded Ada out of the room and back downstairs. “This is what you spent the money on?” She asked.

Tommy nodded and shrugged. “The baby needs one, so why not?”

She sniffled and went to hug him tightly. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

He hugged her back, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Then adoration swept over him. He hadn’t realized how much he loved making Amelia happy. He was always fond of her, but seeing her smile was one of the best things to see, in his opinion. Maybe he was still too young to know what love was, but he had a hunch that what he was feeling was love.


	4. June 1909

With school on summer holiday, Polly was at her wit's end with the children. While they mostly played outside, they’d always be in and out of the house banging around, tracking mud on the floor, coming in with scraped knees, or crying about something being unfair. Meanwhile, Finn was starting to walk and was also wreaking havoc, pulling on everything not tied down and making quick getaways.

So, it was decided they would spend some of the holiday on the road with the Strong family. Of course, Tommy and Arthur weren’t exactly pleased. Seeing as the betting shop was just getting up and started, they couldn’t afford to lose out on money. Polly insisted and said Danny and the other men could handle a few weeks.

Going on seven months pregnant, Amelia was a bit apprehensive about traveling out to the Welsh countryside. However, Tommy assured her that if she were to go into an early labor, she was in capable hands, probably better than any doctor in Birmingham. It was enough to sway her. They all needed a break from the city’s smoke and mud. Some fresh air was bound to do them good.

And oh how sweet the air smelled once they were finally away from the city limits. Amelia had been to the countryside before but had never joined Tommy’s family to see their kin out on the road. Her parents would never allow her to be near other Travelers, especially ones who tended to be more nomadic in nature than the Shelbys were.

But Tommy had told her enough stories as a child to make her interested. He tried to scare her with the stories they would tell around the fires. Try to explain the excitement of spring and summer fairs. It seemed like another world when he described it all. To be out in the Welsh wilderness, sleeping under the stars, riding horses all day, spinning yarns about fairies, it seemed to be a child’s dream.

Now, Amelia was much more aware of the struggles Tommy’s extended family faced. The prejudice and poverty. None of those issues mattered as a child. She yearned to have that innocence back.

On the second day of traveling to the Black Mountains, Tommy was steering the vardo with Amelia sitting beside him. He held the position naturally, letting the reins be an extension of his arms as he guided the two horses along. Arthur was on another horse, riding along while Polly and the other three children stayed in the back of the wagon.

“Good to be outside, aye?” Tommy struck up a conversation as a lull in the muggy afternoon settled on them.

“Oh yes.” Amelia nodded. “Good to see the clear sky instead of smoke.” She joked.

“Get used to it. ‘Cause when we’ve got everything going with the shop, m’gonna buy a house out in the countryside.” 

She smiled. “Is that right?” It wasn’t the first time Tommy made bold claims. Once money started rolling in from the betting shop, he started promising things that sounded outlandish even to Arthur. He promised a car to John, a new house for Polly, as many horses as Ada could want, and now a house in the country.

“Like a cottage. Mum, dad, and I used to rent one for the holidays out in Wiltshire.” She recalled. “Cute little place.”

“No.” He shook his head, the cigarette in his mouth practically just a bit of ash. “One of those fucking big ones. Like royals have.”

“Oh, Thomas, please.” She giggled and nudged him.

“I’m serious!” He chucked the last bit of his cigarette. “Big place, dozens of bedrooms, proper kitchen, riding stables, maids, cooks, everything. We’ll live there with the baby. He’ll have room to run ‘stead of being cooped up in Small Heath.”

It sounded wonderful to Amelia, like the stories he used to tell about traveling. But it was so far-fetched. “Can we focus just on what we’ve got now?” She wondered. “Tommy, I’m okay with making do with what I’ve got…and what you and your family have given me.” She touched his knee.

He glanced over at her, his blue eyes so bright in the summer sun. “You don’t think you deserve more than this?” He wondered. “Wouldn’t you rather a nice big house, proper holidays to places like France?”

“All those things would be nice but if I never get those things then I’ll be fine. I’m okay with what I have now.” She smiled at him to reassure that there wasn’t anything he needed to prove to her or promise.

Tommy sighed and his eyes returned to the grassy path ahead of them. “I know the baby’s not mine but…I don’t want any other kid to go hungry like we did. Ain’t right how we were brought up. And if I can change that for my family and for the baby then, why not?”

Amelia felt she wasn’t in a place to tell if he was right or wrong. So, she leaned over to kiss his cheek affectionately. “You’re a good man, Tommy Shelby.” She said softly. “A very good man.”

They met up with the Strongs at their camp and together they moved North to go to the Appleby fair. Ada chattered on to Amelia the whole ride there about how fun the fair was. There were crafts and fortune-tellers and horses, horses, horses. She would see all of her cousins and other distant relatives that they only got to see once in a blue moon. They’d race horses, swap stories, share laughs, and her brothers would box with the Lee boys.

Although the trip took a little under a week, Amelia was in good spirits the whole way there. Tommy was practically a different person out in the countryside. He knew how to survive in Small Heath and knew how to survive outdoors just as well. He let loose a bit, not bothering to dress up and going barefoot a lot of the times. He smiled more and played with his siblings. It was as if he had left all his worries back in the city.

Amelia thought he was so beautiful in the sun. It warmed her heart to see him play-wrestling with John, riding horses with Ada, and picking up Finn to spin him around. For a moment, she pictured her child in the scene. A little boy or girl toddling after Tommy, looking for his attention. Tommy scooping them up and holding them close, just as a father would.

All she could do was smile and keep her wide-eyed fantasies to herself. But it was so easy to get caught up in the magic of the forests and fields. It was so easy to get caught up in the smile of Tommy Shelby.

Ada was right, there was a lot to be said about the fair. Intricately and brightly painted vardos lined up and many people were milling around. There were people washing their horses in the rivers as children played and splashed one another by the banks.

After a long journey, Amelia wanted to stretch her legs. Tommy walked with her along the river as the rest of the family prepared camp and watered the horses.

“Pol said your feet might be hurting these days.” Tommy’s aunt was his go-to to get any pregnancy answers.

“They’re a bit swollen, the heat doesn’t help,” Amelia admitted. Although getting to walk was nice, she was starting to get flushed in the heat.

“And uh…any word from home?” He kept his eyes to the ground, kicking a stone along their way.

“While we’ve been on the road for over a week?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I haven’t gotten any messenger birds.”

Tommy chuckled. “I meant when we were back home. I mean, we haven’t talked about it much.” He pointed out.

Her smile faded. “No, I haven’t heard from them. I don’t know if they know where I am but I figured…well, I figured they would’ve thought to try and find me in Small Heath. I don’t know where else I would’ve gone with nothing in me pockets.

“And the father?” They hadn’t broached the subject before because Polly insisted that he leave the matter be. But curiosity was just too damn tough to ignore.

“Tom, I told you…”

“Tommy Shelby!” Someone crowed out ahead of them. Three young men about Tommy and Arthur’s age stopped them.

His face soured when he saw who was calling him. “Will.” He muttered.

“I heard the Shelbys were coming, how the hell are ya?” Will appeared to be the oldest of the three, a tall, broad-shouldered man with dark hair.

“Fine, fine.”

“And he’s got someone up the duff.” Will smacked a hand to his forehead. “Shelby, Shelby, Shelby. _What a shame!”_ He tutted in Shelta.

Amelia suddenly felt very self-conscious about the baby bump showing. Of course, she ought to be showing at her stage of pregnancy, but she wasn’t keen on embarrassing the Shelbys. Especially if Tommy wasn’t actually the father.

“Not any of your fucking business.” Tommy spat venomously.

The Lee brothers jostled each other, pleased that he was fighting back. “Still got that mouth on ya, Tommy Boy, haven’t ya?”

“Fuck off.” He wrapped an arm around Amelia’s waist to steer her away from the brothers. “They’re not worth it.”

“Still got a fight in ya then? Or are ya too scared to step into the ring with me?” Will taunted after him.

Amelia felt Tommy’s arm stiffen and he stopped in his tracks. Her eyebrows knit in worry. “Tom…” She warned.

But he slipped away from her and turned to face the brothers again. “Name a time.”

“Ah, it’s never too long ‘til Tommy gets into it with one of the Lees.” Arthur punched his brother in the arm. “Lucky you got practice with those Birmingham Boys, aye?”

Tommy avoided Amelia’s questioning glance even though he could feel her eyes on him.

Polly didn’t even look like she wanted to get into the matter. Men fought at fairs, that was only tradition and it was in good fun most of the time. Besides, Small Heath was much more dangerous than boxing.

Around the Shelbys’ camp, there was a buzz in the air of excitement. Music could be heard in a couple of different directions, people laughed and joined each other for a good time around the roaring fires and lanterns. Some girls some yards away were dancing in a circle, their long skirts illuminated by the flames.

“When can I fight, Pol?” John asked hopefully. “I can take the Lees too!”

“Hush.” Polly scolded. “When you’re older and you’ve learned how to box properly. I don’t want to bring you home with a broken hand.”

John grimaced. “I’m old enough.” He muttered.

“Men don’t pout or slouch.” She said and stood up to tend to Finn who was stirring in the vardo.

“You gonna kill ‘im then, Tom?” Arthur smirked. “I heard he was…” He made a subtle gesture to Amelia who was talking softly with Ada.

Tommy tossed a twig into the fire mindlessly. “He’ll learn to keep his fucking mouth shut.” He mumbled.

“Shelby!” Someone called.

Arthur grinned and clapped his brother on the back. “Let’s go then.”

“Tom?” Amelia looked worried when they stood up. “Where are you going?”

“Gonna go fight, Mel. Tommy’s gonna show them Lees how to fight.”

“But…” Her stomach went into knots. “Maybe you could stay here and-”

“Won’t be long, Mel,” Tommy promised.

“Fine, then I’m coming.” She wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders and followed them.

“Not really for women.” Arthur tried to show opposition to the idea but Tommy didn’t seem to mind. Maybe if she saw him fight, she would know he could hold his own. No longer was he the stick-thin little teenager who was sometimes more bark than bite. No, he’d found his anger and learned to use it to his advantage.

The makeshift ring was lit by lanterns and nearby fires. Will was already there, waiting for his opponent.

Tommy pulled off his undershirt and handed it to Amelia to hold. She was a bit stunned to see he had a tattoo on his chest. The sun-like lines were certainly new as far as she was aware. But she didn’t mention the ink.

Arthur was handing his brother a flask, Tommy downing the contents before ducking under the rope.

The crowd of onlookers was a bit rowdy, pleased to see youngblood fighting like real men. Bare knuckles, no weapons, how it was meant to be to a Romani. 

Amelia felt her palms start to sweat. Will was a good head taller than Tommy was and seemingly more muscular by his build.

However, Arthur, standing beside her, looked less than concerned. “He’ll be alright, Mellie. He’s taken down bigger fuckers than this one.” He promised.

Amelia had seen Tommy fight before, but the last time must’ve been when they were only thirteen. The wiry boy had a habit for picking fights and never staying down even when he was bleeding or had a broken bone. She never seemed to mind seeing him fight while they were in school. But seeing him in the ring with someone bigger than him, it made her stomach flip-flop.

And Tommy drew out the suspension. He allowed Will to get in a couple of swings, but he dodged them. The two circled around each other, fists up by their faces.

“Hit ‘im, Tommy!” Arthur roared after his brother dodged a couple more blows.

A small smirk formed on Tommy’s lips. He threw a punch and Amelia could hear it land even over the crowd. She winced and ducked her head a bit. When had she ever been afraid to watch a fight? She must’ve egged on a few scuffles in her day. Goading Tommy to kick in the teeth of the school bully. But when Will landed a punch and she saw Tommy’s head jerk back, she cringed and hid her face in Arthur’s sleeve.

She could still hear the contact of punches, the sound of the men spurring them on, and the grunts from Will and Tommy as they fought. But she couldn’t bear to watch it. 

It only took a few minutes before someone was shouting.

“Oi, oi! Get ‘im off!”

“Tom, c’mon, that’s enough!” Arthur moved from Amelia and got into the ring.

She looked up and saw Tommy on top of Will, pummeling his face. Arthur ripped his brother off.

“ _Do not let me hear you talking about her again.”_ Tommy threatened in Shelta before he let his brother steer him away from the ring.

Coated with a sheen of sweat, Tommy was breathing hard. Even in the dim light, Amelia could assess the damage. It seemed Will had taken the brunt of the fight. Tommy only walked away with a bloody lip, a bruise forming on his jaw, and some dirt sticking to his torso.

“Go wash off and calm the fuck down,” Arthur ordered before heading back toward the camp.

Amelia followed Tommy to the river so he could wash up a bit. She lingered behind as he knelt down on the bank and splash cold water over him.

“What did you say to him?” She wondered.

“Nothing.” Tommy shook the water from his hair and wiped his hands over his face.

“Well, you said something, Tom.”

He stood and took his shirt back, using it to dry off a bit. “It was nothing.” He said again.

They stood in silence for a bit. Music still hung in the air as the night wore on. There was an uproar from the crowd, signaling the start of another boxing match.

Curious, Amelia stepped toward him and splayed her fingers out over his tattoo, following the direction of the lines. “This is new.”

Tommy felt like his skin was on fire even after the cold douse of water. He couldn’t find the words for a long moment, simply watching her slender fingers trailing over the inked lines. “I-uh…you can’t tell Pol about it.” He tried to hide his stammer. “She’ll fucking kill me.”

Amelia laughed softly and withdrew her hand. “Alright.” She agreed. “Your secret is safe with me.” 

He smiled and threw on the shirt to conceal the tattoo. “C’mon.” He murmured and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.


	5. June 1909 Appleby Fair

Tommy wasn’t sure to be happy or a bit nervous. But it just so happened that he and Amelia would get the family vardo to themselves for the night. Ada had opted to go stay with her cousins at the camp next to theirs. Polly took Finn over to her sister’s camp across the way. And Arthur and John had decided to rough it for the night, sleeping under the stars.

Tommy wasn’t sure he’d been that close to Amelia for that long. It wasn’t super cramped inside the wagon, but it wasn’t very roomy either. And with Amelia seven months along, they had to be close to one another.

“Not too warm, are you?” Tommy asked when he noticed she was still awake, staring at the ceiling with her hands on her stomach.

“No.”

He waited a moment and cleared his throat. “Something you want to talk about?” There was that little tell in her eyes that meant she was deep in thought. It was a hint of sadness yet questioning.

She took a deep breath but didn’t look at him. Her fingers drummed over her stomach. “I uh…he was someone I knew.”

“Who?” Tommy’s brow furrowed as he turned to his side and propped himself up with his elbow. “Who did you know?”

“The uh…the father.”

“Oh, right.”

Amelia chewed on her lower lip. “My parents were talking to his parents about maybe arranging a marriage. He was my dad’s boss’s son. And they thought it was a perfect match. I guess my dad would get the most out of the deal but I dunno what they were exactly talking about.” Her shoulders moved slightly in a shrug. “Maybe thought it would elevate us in society, what he always wanted.”

The tone of her voice sent a shiver down Tommy’s voice. It was almost like she was telling him about something she was grieving. Why she was mourning something. But there was shame in her voice as well. And he couldn’t be certain why that was until she told him everything. And he hoped she did. He hoped he was trustworthy enough to confide in. 

“I didn’t know him very well. We’d only met a few times with my parents. Then I went out with him for the night. He…” She shut her eyes, to block out the memory only in vain.

“Mel-”

“I swear I wasn’t drinking or-or anything. I trusted him and I don’t know.” She started to cry.

Tommy sat up and gently took her hands. “Mel, Amelia, you know I don’t give a fuck about that. If you were drunk or whatever. It was his fucking fault for doing that to you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He could only surmise what she was talking about. It would kill him to hear the graphic details of the assault. And it wouldn’t do anything to help the anger boiling in his blood.

“I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know how to say it. But then I got pregnant and my mother-she…” Amelia hiccupped.

Tommy’s thumb stroked gently over the top of her hand. “S’alright, love.” He tried to soothe her. But what could he say? It was done and now Amelia had to pick up the pieces of everything, to live with the memory. What could Tommy say to help? No words seemed to do the trick.

“She called me a whore; said I was being loose all over the fucking city.” Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She didn’t move to wipe them because she didn’t want Tommy to let go of her hands. “I told her the truth. She told my dad and he said I was a liar. They believed him over me.” She couldn’t say anymore, it was too much.

“S’alright.” Tommy swallowed his anger and helped her sit up so she could hug him tightly. “I’ve gotcha. I’m sorry, Mel, I’m sorry.” The story was more than he expected and it made his heart pound. He had no clue who the man was, what his name was, what he looked like, but he swore he was going to kill him. No one hurt his Amelia without consequences.

Yet, despite his anger, Tommy was relieved she was in his arms. He felt better that he was there for her. His arms wrapped around her, cradling her close. There was confidence in his chest that he could protect her.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled against his chest.

“Don’t apologize.” He stroked her hair back. “He don’t deserve you or the baby. Your parents don’t deserve you either. Fuck ‘em all. If they ever bother you again…”

“I know.” She lifted her head and wiped her cheeks. “Arthur told me what you said.”

His face went red. “Rat bastard.” He muttered.

She smiled tearfully. “Tom, I appreciate you so much. I’m just not sure I’m worth any of this. My mom said-”

“Don’t matter what she said. What matters is that you’ve got people here who care ‘bout you. People who would never hurt you like that.” He wrapped an arm around her when she let out a hiccup. “Just try to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

It was so quiet out in the countryside. There were no loud noises waking Amelia up in the morning. So, she slept until nine o’clock, a rarity those days. 

Warm sunshine was streaming in through the small windows in the vardo. She sat up to see Tommy was gone and had been for a while by the looks of it.

She got dressed, feeling a bit sluggish from waking up so late. Yawning, she stepped out of the wagon.

“There she is. Thought you were gonna sleep the day away.” Arthur grinned. He sat with Polly, watching Finn toddle around in the grass.

“It’s good you got some sleep,” Polly said. “You’re going to need it.”

Amelia smiled. After the emotional conversation she had with Tommy the night before, she felt much better. The burden of keeping everything inside had been lifted, making her feel lighter and happier. “Is Tom around?”

“He’s riding around the grounds, probably isn’t too far,” Arthur answered.

“Well, I’ll go for a walk to see if I can find him.” She decided and began heading for the river.

It was a beautiful summer day and Amelia felt blessed to be in the sunshine with the clear sky overhead. Conversation floated through the air as people greeted those they hadn’t seen in a while. Families spent quality time together, for a brief span of time they were unbound by the stresses of life.

“Mel.” The soft sound of hoofbeats on the damp ground came up behind her.

Amelia turned to see Tommy riding over on his horse. He slowed the gelding down to a walk once they got beside her. “Oh, glad you found me. I was looking for you.” She smiled up at him.

There didn’t seem to be anything more natural than Tommy Shelby riding a horse. Amelia couldn’t even recall when he started riding, it was almost as if he was on the back of a horse before he could even walk. She remembered long summer afternoons spending time at Charlie’s yard with the horses. 

Amelia could ride but she was never quite the rider the other Shelbys were. Her parents didn’t see the benefit of having her around horses. Besides, she thought it was fun to watch the others show off their skill. She was content just to lope around on a well-tempered pony with the reins almost to the buckle.

Tommy, as well as the other Shelbys, were more content with a challenge. He enjoyed green horses who would kick up a fuss with him. He didn’t mind being bucked off as long as he could get back in the saddle again.

His uncle said his horsemanship came from his maternal grandfather who was said to be some sort of horse whisperer. But Amelia attributed it to Tommy’s personality. He was the kind of boy who wanted to see how fast he could go. He wanted to see the risks and toe the line. That was always how he was with everything.

But he was happiest with horses, that much, Amelia knew.

“Want to hop on?” He offered.

She giggled. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her hand rested on her stomach.

He smiled. “Right, sorry.” He dismounted with ease so he could walk with her instead. “Probably couldn’t even get you up there with that stomach of yours.”

“Hey!” She smacked his arm.

Tommy laughed and pulled the reins up over his horse’s neck to lead him along. “I didn’t mean it as an insult. Were just saying you’re pregnant s’all.”

“Hm…” She shook her head with a smile and a sigh.

“I did think you were going to sleep the whole day though.” He said as they continued walking along the bank of the river. “You were out like a light. Didn’t even move when I left. Pol told us not to wake you up.”

“Well, it was nice to sleep in.” She agreed. Her hand absent-mindedly rubbed over her stomach. “Thank you, by the way, for talking to me last night.”

He shrugged. In his eyes, she didn’t need to thank him for talking or listening for that matter. It was what friends did after all. It seemed silly he wouldn’t. “Of course. I’m just sorry about what happened.” It was unlike Tommy to let things go unresolved. But what was he supposed to do about some stranger in London? It wasn’t completely unreasonable to learn who he was, hop a train, and kick the man’s teeth in, but he knew that’s not what Amelia would want. And it wasn’t what was important.

“Y’know in a way, I’m not upset that I got pregnant.” She admitted. “I wish it hadn’t happened the way it did but if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, then I wouldn’t have ended back in Small Heath. And I wouldn’t be back with you.”

He paused in his step to look over at her with a smile. “Always looking on the bright side of things, aye? That’s the Amelia I grew up with.”

She smiled back but felt her cheeks go a bit red under his gaze. “Can we head back? I think my feet are getting a little swollen.” 

“Sure.” Tommy clicked his tongue to the gelding so they could turn around and walk back to the vardo.

Once they returned, they were greeted again by Polly and Arthur.

Amelia sat down while Tommy hitched up his horse to graze.

“Any more Lee boys giving you trouble, Tom?” Arthur asked.

“I think they got the message.” Tommy sat down on the steps of the wagon and accepted a cigarette from Polly.

Amelia looked over the grassy field where a group of children was playing. She spotted Ada and John with their cousins and other Traveler kids. “Who’s that with John?” She wondered. Even from afar, she could tell the dark-haired girl around John’s age was upset with him about something. She was spouting off at him as the rest of the kids ran back and forth around them.

The two eldest Shelbys snickered and Polly sighed. “That’s Martha Shelby.”

“Oh, is she a cousin?”

“Nah, but she’s bound to end up being a Shelby one of these days. Those two already bicker like they’re married.” Arthur chuckled.

“She’s one of the Boswell girls. They’ve been friends for a very long time even if they wouldn’t admit it.” Polly added.

“Oh, and here the happy couple comes now.” Tommy pointed out.

Indeed, John and Martha were both stomping over, each looking irate with one another. “Tom, tell Martha that I jumped a fence that was this high!” He urged, holding his hand up to his hip. “I jumped Whiskey over that fence near Uncle Charlie’s yard and it was this high!”

“No way, you couldn’t jump a horse over a twig without falling flat on your face.” Martha crossed her arms over her chest.

“How are you, Martha?” Polly asked.

“I’m fine, Polly, thank you.” The young girl answered politely while still being frustrated with her friend.

“Tommy, tell her!” John urged.

He sighed. “I have no fucking clue, John. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“HA!” Martha jabbed a finger at him. “You _are_ a liar.” She concluded before hurrying back toward the game of football.

John glared daggers at his older brother before following after her.

“You’re only stirring the pot.” Polly scolded, although she did look amused.

“Please,” Tommy smirked. “The more they fight, the more they’ll realize they should just get on with it.”

“They seem young to be deciding that sort of thing.” Amelia leaned over as best she could to help retrieve a toy for Finn.

“Gypsies like to arrange marriages when they’re young,” Polly explained. “I’m sure the Boswells are already looking for a husband for her.”

“And they wouldn’t naturally pick a Shelby for her. So, might be best if Martha decides for herself, even if they are young.” Arthur agreed with a shrug.

“Hm.” Amelia didn’t agree with the sentiment but could see their point. “I think it’s important to make your own decisions when it comes to love.” She had a faraway look in her eyes as she watched the kids play.

Polly subtly glanced over at Tommy. It was hard for any of them to ignore that statement. But Tommy just shook his head, urging his aunt not to say anything about arranged couples.

Arthur cleared his throat and took the hint to change the conversation. “Y’know, Mel, I think you ought to name the baby after me. Afterall, I’m your favorite Shelby, ain’t I?” He grinned.

It drew her back to the conversation, making her laugh. “And what if it’s a girl?”

“Well…I dunno. Maybe there’s some sorta variation.”

“Perhaps.”

“Arthura or…erm…”

Tommy chuckled as his brother racked his brain for options. He leaned back and finished off his cigarette. It was a very nice day.


	6. June 1909 Hunting and Mending

Ada and John had been arguing all morning. It all started off with Ada telling everyone that John had kissed Martha behind a tree. John was adamant that they _hadn’t_ even gotten close to each other. Ada said otherwise because she said Martha’s friend Bess had confirmed that the two had kissed. The two erupted in a huge argument and Polly did her best to break it up. But the two kept bringing it back up.

Arthur and Tommy were itching to get away from the chaos so they made an excuse about going hunting with some of the other Strongs.

Polly saw the helplessness in Amelia’s eyes so she suggested that the pregnant woman go for a walk to get some space. Amelia agreed, glad to get some quiet time. So, she went for a walk along the river, adoring the sun on her face.

Along the way, her feet got a little swollen so she decided to take a rest. She walked closer to the bank of the river.

Nearby, there was a woman kneeling beside a basin. At first, Amelia thought she was watching clothes, but then a little hand popped up. She realized the woman was bathing a little baby.

A bit curious, Amelia inched a little closer. That gained the attention of the woman who looked up and smiled at her.

“You look like you’re due soon.” She noted.

Amelia put a hand to her stomach. “Oh, about a month and a half.” She answered sheepishly.

“Is it your first?”

Amelia nodded.

“This is my second.” The woman waved her over. “My name is Maxine.” She introduced herself to invite Amelia to sit. “This is Ava.”

She took the invitation and sat near the woman who appeared to be a couple of years older than her. The baby in the basin was about six months and had lovely green eyes. “I’m Amelia.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Maxine smiled warmly. “I know it can be a little scary with your first pregnancy.”

“It’s been a bit of a journey.” She admitted. “Sometimes I still wake up and it’s hard to believe that…” Her voice trailed off as she looked at Ava. The baby peered up at her and waved her hand, splashing the water with a gummy smile. “That I’ll have a baby so soon. Someone that’s so dependent on me.”

“I know it can be surreal now, but once you hold your child, you’ll know. You’ll know how to love them with all your heart.” She assured her.

The two had only just recently met, but Amelia was starting to see that there was a sort of bond between mothers. It gave her some relief to know that there were others who understood her fears and doubts.

Maxine grabbed a towel and scooped up Ava to dry her off. “Could you hold her for a moment?” She wondered.

“Oh, sure.” Amelia cradled the baby in her arms. Ava cooed softly and reached for Amelia’s hair.

Maxine stood up to dump out the water and rinse the basin out in the river. “Is the father around?” She asked.

“The father? Oh oh, um no. Well, not the biological father, at least.” Amelia answered, looking up from Ava. “There’s someone very close to me who offered to help me.”

“That’s very good. You can do it on your own but it isn’t easy. Having family around is helpful.” She set the empty basin down by the river bank and sat down again. She smiled. “See, you’re already a natural at this.” She motioned to Ava.

Amelia smiled shyly. “I suppose it’s easier when they’re calm.”

Maxine laughed and nodded. “Much easier. But you’ll manage.”

She settled Ava back into Maxine’s arms. “Other women make it look so easy I suppose.” She admitted. “I just don’t ever see myself being so…able.”

“I thought the same thing when I had my first little one.” Maxine sat her daughter on her lap so she could carefully dry her off. “It’s so daunting but all you can do is take it one minute at a time. Then minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days. They grow so fast.” She sighed and affectionately smoothed her thumb over Ava’s pudgy cheek. “There’ll be difficult times, like with everything. But it’s nice to savor the calm moments.”

Amelia tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Thank you for talking to me, it’s really helped.”

“Of course.” Maxine gave her a smile and stood up, resting Ava on her hip.

Amelia stood as well, bending down to pick up the basin for her so she wouldn’t have to bend over.

“If I don’t see you the rest of the fair, good luck with everything. You’ll do great.”

Amelia was a bit more reassured as Maxine walked away with Ava. But there was still that hint of doubt that she wouldn’t compare.

Later on, in the day, Tommy and the other boys returned from hunting. While Amelia occupied Finn and Ada, Polly and the others skinned and cut the stag and rabbits. As Polly cleaned some of the furs, Tommy sat near the fire.

He looked over to where Amelia and Ada were sitting in the grass. Finn was toddling back and forth between him. A great big smile on the little boy’s face as Amelia cooed sweetly to him. She seemed to glow in the summer sun. There were honey tones in her hair that Tommy hadn’t really noticed before. Maybe there was never enough sun in Birmingham to see them. Maybe before he had been too young and immature to give her a second look.

But once he noticed, it was hard to look away.

“Pol?”

“Mhm?”

Tommy tore his eyes from Amelia. “Mel and I were talking a couple of weeks back about the baby.”

Polly sighed and looked up at her nephew. “Thomas Michael Shelby, I told you to leave her alone about it.”

“No, it’s-she said it was okay to talk about.” He clarified. “I didn’t pester her or nothing.”

“Alright, what did she say then?”

“Well, she was wondering about raising the baby without a father.” Tommy felt a little uncomfortable saying it out loud to others. It made so much sense when he talked about it with Amelia. But explaining it to Polly was like standing on thorns. He was waiting for her to call him foolish and stupid for ever thinking he could fill such a role. Tommy already had enough doubt in his head that he projected it onto others without realizing it.

“Right…”

“And I said-well I said I’d step up, y’know?” He wiped his pocket knife off on his already dirtied shirt.

Polly laid out a rabbit fur to dry. “That’s a big responsibility.”

His eyes went downward and his head hung a little, waiting for her to berate him. “I know.”

“But I think that’s admirable of you, Thomas.” She said, her voice softening. “What she needs most right now is a companion and someone to be there for her. She’ll have all of our support but if she has someone who is more of a confidante then, she deserves that.”

Tommy looked up at her, a bit surprised but relieved at the same time. “You think I can do that?”

“It will be a lot of work. Children aren’t easy but you know that. You’ve helped me with Finn and Ada. John too. And-” There was a break in her voice. She shook her head. It was too soon. She hadn’t spoken their names since they were torn from her arms. “Anyway,” She continued past the heartache she needed to be strong. That’s all she could do. There was so much that needed to be done. It seemed she only had time at night to think about Anna and Michael. Time to think about when they would be returned to her.

“Pol…”

“The child ought to grow up with a mother and father. And Amelia should have someone to rely on. But you cannot” She pointed her knife at him to prove a point, “abandon her once you commit. I won’t have you getting cold feet and running off like your father.”

Tommy’s nose wrinkled at the comparison between him and his absent father. “Won’t be like him.” He promised. “Never.”

Polly sighed and nodded. “Then, I think it will work out perfectly fine. You two are very close, I’m sure you’ll make it work.”

“Pol!” John came running over. “Can I go riding with Martha and her brothers? They said there’s this big open place for racing ‘n I wanna show ‘em I can gallop!” He rambled off.

“Of course, your siblings, and I will just keep camp and make dinner for you when you return.” She replied with an eyebrow raised.

The teenage boy grimaced, picking up on the sarcasm hinting in his aunt’s voice. “Please?”

Polly sighed and shook her head. At least it would be easy to get things done if she didn’t have Ada and John bickering the rest of the evening. “Go on then. Be back for dinner!”

“Thanks, Pol!” 

“Don’t let Martha’s brothers so you kissing her, they’ll skin ya alive!” Tommy called.

John stuck his tongue out at his brother and flipped him the middle finger.

Polly stood up. “John Shelby!” She scolded. 

But he simply ran off so she wouldn’t be able to catch him.

“That’s your future if Amelia has a boy,” Polly warned Tommy as she sat back down.

He just chuckled. “Eh, he won’t have any Shelby blood so maybe not.”

“It matters more who raised you. That’s why you’re not a clone of your father, none of you are. You’ve got your mother in you and that counts for something. She keeps the demons at bay.”

“Yeah…I guess.” Tommy looked down at his hands, bloody from cutting the meat. “I guess.”

“Is it going to be a boy or a girl?” One of Polly’s cousins, Marie asked.

Amelia was sat by one of the vardos with Polly and some of her kin. All women, they were discussing everything over fixing some clothing and blankets. Amelia was no good at mending anything but she tried her best with Polly subtly giving her guidance.

“Oh, I’m not sure.” Amelia laughed softly. “I don’t know how I would be able to tell.”

“Well hasn’t Polly figured it out?” Marie’s daughter, Hazel, asked.

“No?” Amelia glanced over at Tommy’s aunt.

She smiled and shook her head. “I didn’t know if you wanted it to be a surprise or not. But if you’d like to know…”

“Oh, it’s no fun if it’s a surprise!” Marie protested. “You’ll be holding a baby with no fucking clue what to name them.”

The women voiced their agreement. “Alright, I guess it would be nice to know.” Amelia’s cheeks went a little red from the attention.

Polly set down her needles and reached over to Amelia. She lightly cupped her right breast and furrowed her brow in thought. Amelia snorted out a confused laugh, unsure how that would ever tell the gender of her child.

“It’s a boy.” Polly decided after a brief moment. “Lord help us all.”

They all laughed. “Well, you can always try again for a girl.” Marie pointed out. “Although if you do, you might end up with a house full of boys and no girl.” She warned.

“Oh, I think a boy will be fine. Tommy will be able to teach him right.” Amelia shrugged and tried to resume her focus on the hole in the blanket she was attempting to fix.

There was a little disruption as the women in the group stifled a collective gasp. Hazel bit back a coy smile. “So Tommy _is_ the father?”

Amelia realized the slip as her eyes widened. “Um well…” She glanced to Polly who gave her a nod of reassurance, almost allowing her to make up her own mind. “Yes, he is.” The answer wasn’t to save face for herself but for the Shelby family. What would say about Tommy if he was raising the bastard son of another mysterious man? Amelia thought it was clear that he was a very good man who was willing to help out a friend, but she figured others might not see it the same way she did. Maybe they would think he was a fool for supporting a child who wasn’t his blood.

The women tittered with excitement. “We knew, or I suppose we all guessed.” Marie clarified.

Another woman, who Amelia wasn’t sure what her relation to Polly was, pointed at Hazel. “I told you, didn’t I? I said ‘look at the way he looks at her. That is the look of a man who loved the woman carrying his child’.”

Amelia’s face was burning. Had Tommy really been looking at her that way? She hadn’t noticed, maybe it was when she wasn’t looking at him. She tried to imagine that look and it made her heart skip a beat.

“They’ve been in love for years,” Polly said with a casual shrug.

“Pol!” Amelia exclaimed in embarrassment.

“It’s true! I would always say to his mother that you two were just meant to be. Tommy never gave any other girl the time of day. And every dinner it would be ‘Amelia this and Amelia that’.” Polly smiled fondly. Whenever any of them would mention Tommy’s little crush on Amelia, the young boy would make a sour face and say girls were gross. But Polly knew that he never explicitly denied it. Now she still saw the adoration they had for each other. It had matured and aged to be something more, however. Polly knew it was love, but it would be for them to figure that out.

“Well speak of the devil and he shall appear,” Marie said with an amused look in her eye.

Amelia turned and indeed Tommy was making his way over to the group. She felt her chest tighten. He looked a dream, even she couldn’t deny that. His dark hair was unkempt as were his clothes. His white shirt was partially untucked and sported a bit of dirt from his morning’s ride. His bracers hung by his hips and his hat was tucked the back pocket of his trousers. But what really stood out was the crystal-clear blue in his eyes that shone so brilliantly in the sun.

“There you are.” He said to her. “I thought Pol might’ve kidnapped you and brought you here.” He smiled.

“I was just helping mend a few things,” Amelia responded but her voice sounded strange to her. As if she wasn’t really sure if she was speaking the words correctly or if they were coming out in complete gibberish.

“I’ve never known you to pick up darning needles in your life.” He smirked, amused by seeing her be so domestic. 

“Well, neither have you.” She retorted. But realized all the women in the group were watching them tease each other. They looked coy, as if they all knew something Amelia didn’t. She cleared her throat and ducked her head a bit to shake off their attention.

“You’re having a little boy, Tommy, isn’t that exciting?” Marie asked.

He looked perplexed for a split moment. “Oh…a boy, really?” He didn’t quite pick up on the notion that Amelia had said he was the father of her child.

“That’s what Pol said.” Amelia nodded.

Tommy smiled slowly. “That’ll-well that’ll be nice, won’t it? He’ll grow up with Finn. They could be good friends, aye?” His excitement ebbed a bit when he realized all of Polly’s kin and friends were listening to him. A bit embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “Want to take a walk with me?” He offered Amelia.

“Um, yeah, alright.” She set down her handiwork and took his hand to stand up. “I’ll be back, Pol.”

“Take your time.” Polly shared a knowing smile with her cousin.

“They love to gossip, don’t they?” Tommy sighed when they were out of earshot.

“They’re nice though.”

“Yeah.” He shoved a hand in his pocket. It was hard to know what to say first. Tommy hadn’t put much thought into the gender of the baby. A baby was a baby and he figured when they were young, it didn’t matter. He hadn’t put much thought into when they were old enough and exhibited a personality. “He could learn how to ride and hunt,” Tommy mentioned. “I could teach him when he’s old enough.”

Amelia smiled. Her heart was beating so fast in her chest. “I could see him wanting to be just like you.” She wished, deep down, that her child would have Tommy’s eyes. Realistically, it was impossible. She had brown eyes and so did his biological father. But they could always… She paused and stopped to look at him. “Polly said that you-well-maybe at one point you…loved me.”

He looked a little stunned. Tommy had never told his aunt how he felt about Amelia when they were younger. The little puppy dog crush he had on her. And he certainly hadn’t told her about how he felt about Amelia at the moment. But perhaps he’d made it obvious enough. Maybe there was no hiding it.

“Would that have been okay?” He asked. He felt like the same young boy that could talk to his best friend for hours about anything, but when it came to how his heart skipped a beat when she was around? He couldn’t say a word about it to her.

She bit her lower lip and nodded. “Yeah, that would’ve been more than okay. It still is more than okay.”

Tommy felt like the world was quickly running out of oxygen. Was this truly happening? Were they on that verge? The final leap of faith before everything would fall into seemingly perfect order? “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He laughed nervously. “Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” She gazed up at him with the sun bringing out all the warm amber hues in her eyes.

Tommy wasn’t sure if his palms were sweating from the summer heat or because of the way she was looking at him. Either way, it made him feel a little self-conscious. How manly was he if he couldn’t even admit his feelings in clear words? That he had to rely on some school-yard, round-about way of confessing to her.

“Tom?” Amelia tilted her head to the side. “You’ve gone a bit quiet.”

“Oh, well I was just apologizing for leaving you with Polly and the rest of ‘em.” He lied and rubbed his palms over the front of his pants. “I should go wash up though.” He made up an excuse to slip away.

“Tommy?” Amelia reached out to grab his arm before he could vanish. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to, y’know, be with me. I appreciate you wanting to help with the baby but that doesn’t mean you need to be any more than just a father figure. I don’t expect anything else from you.” There was a hint of sadness in her eyes as if she’d lost some sort of hope.

“That’s not it, Mel.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not it at all.”

“Then what is it?”

“What is what?”

Her eyes widened in disbelief that they were dragging out the conversation much longer than was necessary. “The-the reason you wanted to speak with me right now.

“I didn’t have anything to really say. I just didn’t want them looking at us like that.” He waved a hand towards the group of women. “You were the one saying all that about what Pol said.”

“But-” Amelia made a noise of frustration at him. “Why is this so difficult?”

Tommy knew exactly what she meant. But he wasn’t going to be the one to own up to that. “Why is what so difficult?”

“This!”

“What?”

She threw her hands up. “Thomas Shelby, you _know_ what I’m talking about! The fact that at one point you maybe, might’ve loved me and at one point I probably loved you too. And now that it’s just-it just never went away. And I probably still love you and I thought maybe you still loved me too. But I suppose I was wrong because you’re being so bloody difficult.” She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

He stared at her. All of a sudden, all her cards were on the table. And he was still holding his tight to his chest like a coward. “I never said I didn’t love you.”

Amelia blinked and opened her mouth only to falter for a second. “You never said you loved me either.” She countered.

“Well, I do.”

The two stood there in a long pause of silence, merely looking at each other. Amelia’s arms dropped to her side. “W-well I do too.”

A small smile of disbelief formed on Tommy’s face. “Then there’s nothing difficult about it.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “We certainly made it difficult.”

“I think we’re just good at making everything difficult.” He grinned.

“Yeah, we sure are.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Look at that.” Amelia folded the knitted blanket over the railing of the cot. It had been a present from her employers at the grocery store. They had given her a couple of months off of work so she could deliver the baby and get settled. “All ready.”

Tommy was sitting on the chest at the end of her bed. “Just need the baby now.”

She smiled and rested a hand on her swollen abdomen. “Couple more weeks.”

“Are you nervous?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” She admitted and adjusted the sheets on the cot. It was perfect, just waiting to cradle the little boy that was due. “I suppose I am but it feels okay, lie everything will be taken care of.”

“It will be,” Tommy promised. “You don’t need to worry about a thing.”

Amelia went to sit on the bed, leaning back on her hands to try and ease the ache in her lower back. “I can’t imagine how things would end up without you, Tom.” She murmured softly.

“You’d be alright.” He stood up and stepped in front of her. Cautiously, he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Although they had confessed their love to one another the month prior, neither of them took a step to show that affection. Either because they were always surrounded by family or they weren’t sure what to do. How to allow things to begin.

Tommy and Amelia were very familiar with one another, being friends for so long. But being in love was so different that they almost had no clue how to handle it. It was new territory. Tommy had flings before, girls flocked to him. A combination of blue eyes and a reputation for trouble was alluring. But with Amelia, it was different. Tommy saw a future, which was very unlike him. Most of his plans were related to lifting his family out of the slums of Birmingham. He wanted to make others understand the hardships of the working man. But with Amelia, he saw a personal future.

She took his hands in hers. “I was thinking about what we could name him.” The change of subject brought Tommy out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Remember I told you about the woman at the fair who I talked to for a bit?”

“With the baby?”

“Right, Maxine. I was thinking we could name him after her. I mean if Polly’s right about the gender.”

Tommy chuckled and gently grazed his thumb over her knuckles. “She’s never been wrong yet. Me mum said she knew what gender each of us would be months before we were born.”

Amelia smiled. “Well, then we’ll have to name him Maxwell. Max for short?”

“That sounds like a fine name.” He agreed. Tommy didn’t want to suggest naming the boy after his father and he had a feeling she wouldn’t want to name him after her father either. Neither of them was a role model.

“Maxwell Thomas Shelby.”

Tommy looked surprised, wondering if he’d heard her right.

Amelia looked a little sheepish. “I mean if you don’t mind if he takes your last name. I didn’t really want to give him mine.”

“I wouldn’t mind at all but…you want to give him my name too?”

“Why not?” It was a no-brainer to Amelia.

“I just-” He shrugged and realized he was at a loss for words. The simple act of giving the boy his name was just solidifying the future he would have with Amelia. It was exciting but also petrifying. For the first time in his life, he was thinking about ‘forever’ and not just the brief moment. Everything suddenly had long term consequences. Things he couldn’t walk away from. But he didn’t want to walk away. He wanted to be by Amelia’s side forever. “I’m never gonna leave you, Mel.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” She looked up at him, trust in her brown eyes.

Tommy, overcome by the moment, threw caution to the wind. He helped her stand up from the bed so he could kiss her.

Amelia let go of his hands and for a moment, he was afraid she was going to push him away. But instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck so she could bring him as close as she could.

It was a thrilling moment but Amelia also felt exceptionally safe. As if Tommy could keep her completely out of harm’s way as long as he was near.

And back then, Amelia thought he could.

The betting shop was gaining attention fast. But Amelia was purposefully kept in the dark. The less she knew, the better. And Tommy knew it wasn’t to mislead her or be deceptive. He just didn’t want her to worry about any of the business side. He wanted her to live a comfortable life removed from any of the danger the betting shop might garner.

Tommy and Arthur had spent a lifetime learning to defend themselves. But they needed to become better. More ready. That’s when the idea of concealing razor blades came up.

“Coppers can take guns ‘n shit, but what if they can’t find any weapons on us even when we’re still armed?” Arthur mused in the empty betting shop with Tommy one night after closing.

Tommy posed this to Great Jurossi who worked at her family’s tailor shop. After becoming a loyal member to the union cause and the communist party, the young woman trusted Tommy. So, she didn’t question his reasons for wanting a concealed weapon. The streets of Birmingham were rough, a lot of people had weapons.

She came back with a prototype of sorts. One of Tommy’s flat caps with two razor blades sewn into the brim. A suitable weapon and a clever one as well.

And it worked a dream when one of the Birmingham Boys came around talking shit.

Two weeks after the Appleby Fair, Tommy was accosted by a man who told him Billy Kimber didn’t appreciate his territory being threatened.

It wasn’t a fair fight, especially since the man hadn’t even reached for his gun before Tommy slipped his cap off. Adrenaline pumping, Tommy gouged the man’s eye out.

The man screamed as he clutched his face, blood pouring down his hands and arms. He fell to his knees in agony.

Tommy, his heart pounding like nothing he’d felt before, stood over the man. He clutched his flat cap close, the man’s blood dripping from the blades. “You go back and tell your boss, to never fuck with the Peaky Blinders.” He said in a ragged voice before taking his leave.

The name was pieced together by Tommy. Although he took two separate comments from Greta and Arthur and pieced them together.

“It’s got a blade peeking out the top,” Greta said as she showed him what she’d put together. “So you need to be careful with it now, if you grab it the wrong way, you’ll cut your hand.”

Peek.

“Fucking hell,” Arthur said when he examined the cap. He held it firm in his grip. “You could blind a hundred men without skipping a beat with this thing.”

Blind.

“That’s a fucking stupid name,” Freddie remarked from his spot on the front stoop.

“I weren’t asking your opinion. That’s what we’ll be known as.” Tommy insisted. “People will remember it.”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed. “From Brighton to Blackpool, everyone will know the Peaky Fucking Blinders!” He crowed proudly.

Danny laughed. “So, we’ll have a uniform then, like those cavalry dicks?”

Tommy shook his head. “The hat isn’t a uniform, it’s a weapon. And a damn good one.”

“Yeah, he cut a Birmingham Boy so badly, he won’t ever fucking see again.” Arthur grabbed his younger brother by the shoulder and shook him playfully.

“You did what?” Freddie’s eyes widened. “Tom, Billy Kimber owns the racetracks, what are you bloody thinking by cutting one of his men?”

“He was on our territory,” Tommy answered simply with a shrug as he lit his cigarette with a match and shook Arthur off.

“Territory-you don’t have any fucking territory.” Freddie protested. “You’re biting off more than you can chew.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“You could do more with Greta. You’ll have people who will be backing you up, Tom. It’ll help Small Heath more.” Freddie argued.

“That’s the end goal, mate,” Arthur said. “We’re helping more than those bastards in the Commons ever will.”

“Greta knows the extent of the law,” Tommy spoke after a long drag from the cigarette. “As do we, but we choose to not follow the law because the law’s never helped us. If we play by their rules, they win. If we play by our rules, we win. Then they’ll have to pay us some attention instead of kicking us to the dirt like they have for generations. But you can’t build Rome overnight, aye?”

Freddie looked displeased but just shrugged.

“Who’s building Rome?” Amelia came down the sidewalk, only catching the tail end of what Tommy was saying.

“Geez Louise, Mel, you’re ‘bouta pop!” Danny remarked.

Amelia rolled her eyes. “I’m well aware, Danny.” She giggled. Indeed, it was so close to her due date. In fact, it was a miracle Polly and Tommy had let her go for a little walk up and down the block. Tommy was afraid she might go right into labor down the street.

Tommy ditched his cigarette so he could help Amelia up the front stairs. “Yeah, should be any day now.” He was hoping she would forget anything she heard if he didn’t mention it.

“Oh, Tom, you’ve got a stain on your hat.” She noticed. “Want me to clean it?”

“No, no, I can do it.” He waved her off. He wondered if she’d noticed his wariness around his hat. Ever since Greta had sewn in the razorblades, he’d made extra sure to know where it was, never just tossing it to the side. The last thing he wanted was for anyone else to pick it up and see what had been added, worse even, they might accidentally cut themselves.

“I don’t mind.”

“You need to be resting.” He said and walked into the flat behind her. “How are your feet?”

“They ache, I guess.” She was a bit suspicious of how quickly he was to change the subject. “Is something the matter?”

“I’m just…” Tommy had a hard time meeting her eyes. But that was a mistake because it made Amelia zero in on the brim of his hat.

“Tommy?” She reached up to slip his hat off his head.

“Mel, stop.” He tried to stop her but she was too quick.

“What is this?” She inspected the brim with confusion. “Are these-Tommy!” When she pushed back the fabric of the cap, she could see the distinct lines of a razor blade. “Tommy, what the fuck are you doing with bloody razor blades in your hat?” She exclaimed.

“Sh, sh, c’mon.” Tommy tried to quiet her so Polly wouldn’t hear the conversation. His aunt didn’t know anything about the Birmingham Boys or the Peaky Blinders.

“No don’t shush me! I deserve an explanation for this!” She shook the hat in his face.

“It’s just a precaution.” He said calmly.

Amelia made a noise of displeasure and she pushed his cap back toward him. “I told you this betting shop was a bad idea, Tommy, it’s only going to get you into trouble. What happens when you’re arrested? You said you were going to be there for me and the baby!”

“I’m not-Mel, I’m keeping my promise. But this money is going to be good for the family. I’m not going to be my father. I won’t let the baby go hungry every night like we did.” He asserted.

“We can make do without getting into trouble,” Amelia argued. “This isn’t the only route.”

“You’re right, but I’m not going to waste me life working for no compensation. If we rely on jobs in Birmingham we’ll never get anywhere. We need to rise above this, Mel, and this is how we’re going to do it.”

Amelia looked uneasy. “It doesn’t feel right that you need to carry weapons with you.”

“I’m sorry, but it’ll be alright. You won’t have to worry about me.” He touched her cheek gently and kissed her forehead. “Just trust me.”

“I trust you.” She said quietly. Though her world had been shaken, Amelia had no clue what was to come.


	8. September 1909

It happened one unseasonably warm fall day. September 16th, to be exact. Amelia was getting a glass of water from the kitchen, just minding her own business. It wasn’t until she stepped to the side when she noticed a bit of liquid trickling down her leg. At first, she was embarrassed, not sure what was happening. Then it dawned on her that it was most likely the start of what she’d been afraid of for almost nine months.

“Uh…Pol?”

Polly was writing carefully in a ledger in her office in the betting shop. “Have a question, love?” She asked, a bit distracted by numbers. It was early in the afternoon and the shop was abuzz with activity. Odds being shouted back and forth, money passing hands, and the sound of chalk on the blackboard. But Amelia had quietly flitted her way to Polly so she wouldn’t call attention to herself.

“How would I know if my water’s broke?”

That immediately grabbed Polly’s attention. The woman’s head shot up and she dropped her pen. “Your water broke?”

“I er, I think so. I don’t know for sure though.” Amelia pulled up the hem of her skirt a bit.

“Alright, let’s get you upstairs then, just in case.” Polly jumped up and rushed over to the young woman.

“I-fuck!” Amelia suddenly shouted and doubled over when she felt her first contraction.

The men in the shop all turned to look at her in confusion.

Polly knew if anyone had the most sense in the home, it was her. “All of you clear out.” She ordered. “Now.”

“Pol…” Danny looked a little lost. There was no way Tommy and Arthur would appreciate all of them leaving in the middle of taking bets.

“I said get the fuck out!” Polly snapped; a bit louder. That was enough to convince them, as they all scattered. But she stopped Danny at the door. “Get Tommy, bring him back here, tell him she’s gone into labor and he needs to get here now.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Polly got Amelia to sit down. “Take some deep breaths.” She soothed in a calmer voice.

“Pol, I don’t think I’m ready.” Amelia was suddenly terrified. It was easy enough to say she wasn’t scared when she was just pregnant. But as she was getting ready to give birth, the reality was hard to ignore.

“Well, that little boy is ready, so you’ll need to be too.”

For a moment, Tommy thought Danny was playing a joke on him. But it became clear that Amelia _was_ going into labor. So he ran the entire way back home.

“Pol? Mel?” He called.

“In the shop!” Polly yelled back. She was kneeling down next to Amelia, holding her hand and coaching her through her breathing. “Help me bring her upstairs.”

Tommy froze a bit. Amelia looked panicked as she clutched Polly’s hand and gave little, shallow breaths.

“Thomas, get your head outta your arse and help me!” His aunt stood up.

Running on nothing but instinct, he scooped Amelia up into his arms and did his best to carefully bring her upstairs. Mid-way, Amelia let out a groan of pain.

Tommy didn’t even have the words to comfort her. He had no clue what to say, all he could do was listen to Polly.

“Go downstairs and get a heap of towels,” Polly instructed as he lay Amelia down on the bed. As Tommy dashed back downstairs, she helped Amelia sit up against the pillows. “As long as you keep breathing, you’ll be okay.” She promised as she helped the expectant mother strip down to her slip to make the delivery easier.

Amelia had no time to be embarrassed, and she didn’t have a reason to either. Polly was like a mother to her and there wasn’t anyone else she trusted to deliver her child.

Tommy came back upstairs in the blink of an eye, running purely off of adrenaline.

“Set them down here.” His aunt instructed. She sat down by Amelia’s feel so she could check the progress of the labor.

Tommy set the towels on the bed and stood frozen. He could remember the awful screams from the room when his mother was giving birth to Ada and Finn. It was terrifying and even though he was an adult when Finn was born, he was afraid his mother was going to die. It wasn’t the most outlandish thing. He’d heard of mothers who died during childbirth. What would that do to him if Amelia met with the same fate? He felt like his heart was in his throat and he had to push the thought away.

“Tom…” Amelia reached out to him. Her hand was trembling slightly.

“You want me to stay?” He asked, moving to take her hand.

She didn’t even have to answer. Aside from Polly, there wasn’t anyone else there for her. Her parents didn’t care where she was or even if she was okay. The biological father was just as careless.

“I’ll stay.”

And he did. He didn’t move from his spot the entire time. Even when Polly when to wash a couple of towels or get a drink, he stayed.

“Remember when Maisie was in foal?” Amelia asked, bringing up the conversation to take her mind off the contractions.

It had been some time since Tommy had thought about the mare that they both loved so much. She was a paint pony, barely over fourteen hands with a long shaggy mane and a mark on her face that was the shape of a crescent moon. She was the first pony almost all of the Shelbys rode. When Amelia and he were about ten, Maisie gave birth to a beautiful filly they named Maybel.

It was almost midnight as they crouched in the hay with a lantern in hand. They watched from afar, too curious to look away from the active birth. Charlie stood near, ready to intervene if needed. Amelia would always remember how Maisie tenderly cared for Maybel. Keeping her tiny foal close, and licking her damp coat. She and Tommy nearly stayed up all night so they could see Maybel stand on her wobbly legs for the first time. It seemed so effortless and beautiful. Now that Amelia was in the midst of it, she didn’t think it was as easy as Maisie made it look.

“Yeah, she was a good horse. We gave her to a farmer out in the country when she got older. He needed a pony to keep his mule company.

Amelia smiled. “That’s sweet. What about Maybel?”

“Think we sold her to one of Charlie’s kin. One of their little girls took a liking to her if I can recall correctly.”

That please Amelia. “Good, they deserved good lives. They were so kind.”

“All horses do.” Tommy agreed.

“Even that mean gelding who bit you and threw you off constantly?”

“Major?” He chuckled. “That bastard made me a better rider.” He recalled when they were a bit older, maybe twelve, around the time he started to fancy his best friend. He took Amelia to the Yard to show off the new horse his uncle got. Tommy was allowed to ride him mainly because Charlie believed that a green horse was a good test for any Traveller boy.

Major was the tallest horse he’d ridden at that time. He was a stunning creature, muscular and strong with a shiny, chestnut coat. But he was as mean as could be. Charlie said horses weren’t born mean, they were taught. No one knew exactly where Major had learned how to be so mean. They just knew that Charlie had rescued him from slaughter.

And when Tommy took Amelia to see the gelding for the first time, he made the rookie mistake of turning his back to the beast.

Amelia didn’t have enough time to warn him. Major stretched out his neck over the stall door and bit Tommy’s arm.

It was humiliating to be bitten in front of the girl he had a crush on. But he loved the horse no matter how many times Major dumped him, bucked him off, tried to bite him, or pinned his ears back at him. Tommy knew he never would’ve become the rider he was without him.

“I was scared of him,” Amelia remembered. “Everyone was except for you.”

“He was just misunderstood.” Tommy shrugged. “He rode beautifully when he behaved.”

Amelia watched him, her mind drifting away from the contractions she was trying to count. “You should see your eyes when you talk about horses.” She murmured. “You just light up, Tom.”

His face burned up a little bit. “Well, I dunno.”

“Maybe you take what you earned from the betting shop and put it into working with horses.” She suggested hopefully. Amelia figured that if she could draw Tommy away from the life of a bookie to someone who worked with horses, she would be doing him a favor. He’d be so much safer.

“I plan to have horses.” He said. “Once we have it in the budget. We’ll have stables at our house in the countryside. That’s where Max can learn to ride.”

It sounded so promising, even if it was a stretch to imagine it ever coming true. But Amelia knew that he was deflecting. Getting that house in the countryside would only be the result of getting money from God knows what. She didn’t completely know or understand Tommy’s plan of action, how he anticipated earning so much money. But she knew that no one earned the amount of money he was looking towards through honest means.

But Amelia couldn’t give it any more thought. Another contraction hit her and she squeezed onto Tommy’s hand. “Getting closer.” She wheezed. “I’m so tired already.”

“Try to relax best you can, like Pol said.” He soothed gently. “I’m right here.”

All in all, it only took about five hours from the time Amelia’s water broke in the betting shop. The sun was just starting to set as Polly helped guide the baby boy into the world.

The first Tommy heard his son cry was heartbreaking. As the second oldest, he’d almost become deaf to babies crying. It was just a part of life. But when Max cried, it struck him right in the heart. This little bundle was now his responsibility until the day he died. It was something he didn’t take lightly.

Amelia was exhausted but she let go of Tommy’s hand so she could reach for her baby.

Polly wrapped up the wailing newborn in a blanket and placed him on Amelia’s breast. “He sounds healthy.”

“I told you, she’s always right.” Tommy couldn’t help the smile on his face.

Amelia was in too much awe to acknowledge Polly’s premonition. “Look at him, Tom.”

Max’s face was all scrunched up as he cried, his little fist pressed up against his mother’s collarbone. He only had wisps of light brown hair but it was too early to tell his eye color.

“Wow…” Tommy was stunned. He didn’t know what he’d feel when he first saw the child he promised to help raise. He figured it would be some sort of affection, who could look at a baby with malice? But he was taken aback by the devotion he felt immediately upon seeing Max.

Amelia was completely overwhelmed as she cradled her son close to her chest. When she discovered she was pregnant, she was terrified. Everything about it scared her, her parents’ reactions, the father’s reaction, the reaction of friends. She was worried about how people would perceive her having a child out of wedlock. When she was disowned, she was angry at herself, angry at the man who assaulted her, angry at her parents for taking his side. She didn’t want to be pregnant. She didn’t want to be a mother. There was no way she would be able to care for a newborn. She felt lost and hopeless.

But there, in Birmingham, holding her son, all of those fears and worries felt foolish. All of a sudden, she was willing to jump through hoops for her son, fight an army single-handedly to keep him safe. She would starve, be penniless, even die if it meant keeping him safe. This tiny little being was suddenly all that mattered to her in the world. And it brought tears to her eyes knowing that he depended on her. That he would look up to her and expect her to be her best. She needed to be her best for him.

For nearly ten minutes, Amelia silently sobbed as she held Max. She softly whispered her promises to him. Whispered how much she loved him. Whispered how he would never know the struggles she had known.

A couple of hours after Max was delivered, Amelia was wiped out. She fell asleep as Tommy went downstairs to introduce his son to the rest of the family.

“Everyone, I’d like to introduce Maxwell Thomas Shelby, the newest addition to the family.” Tommy propped Max up a bit in his arms so everyone could see him.

His siblings drew close to see their nephew.

“Healthy looking lad, aye?” Arthur smiled, proud of his brother for stepping up for Amelia’s sake.

“Now we’ve got two babies in the house?” John grimaced. “We’ll never get any sleep.” The teenager protested. 

“I think he’s cute,” Ada said. “Is he and Mel gonna stay with us forever?” She asked hopefully.

“Yeah, Ada, I think they are.” Tommy looked down at Max fondly.

Tommy couldn’t sleep and it wasn’t because Max was keeping him up. In fact, the baby was sleeping quite soundly in his cot. He’d cried about an hour earlier and Amelia had nursed him back to sleep. Now both mother and child were fast asleep in the same room. Tommy was sitting next to the cot, his back to the wall. He watched Max through the bars of the crib, watching every breath he took. Tommy wasn’t sure if he was scared by how fragile the newborn seemed to be, or if he was still in a bit of shock. He wondered what this little boy would grow up to be. Would he like horses as much as Tommy did? Would he look up to him?

It was a bit frightening to look so far into the future and realize all that could potentially happen to any of them. The uncertainty drove Tommy mad. He wanted to give Amelia and Max everything they deserved, he just wished he knew the future so he could know he was going down the right path. He wanted to know that he would uphold his promise.


	9. September-October 1909

“There he is, grown-up and responsible Tommy. A family man now, aye?” Barney Thompson grabbed Tommy the second he came into the betting shop and put him in a headlock to rile him up. “You ain’t gonna be fun, anymore are ya, Tom?”

“We’ll have Mel walking up and down the streets of Birmingham all hours of the night looking for him.” Danny laughed. “She’ll drag him home by the ear.”

Tommy shoved Barney off and punched him in the arm.

“Eh, Barney’s just jealous ‘cause he could never get a girl to even look his way.” Arthur used the newspaper in his hand to smack the young man.

“How do the numbers look today?” Tommy asked, leaning over to glance at the ledgers.

“Going well, Greta’s outside waiting for you though. I told her you’d be down soon.” His brother answered.

He frowned. “Did she say what it was about?”

Arthur just shrugged.

Curious, Tommy stepped outside of the shop where Greta Jurossi was waiting for him. She looked up at him with a polite smile.

“I heard your son was born last week.”

Tommy nodded. Despite the inconsistent timelines, it was generally accepted by everyone except close family and friends that Tommy was the biological father of Max. It made things easier and, in a way, it drew attention from Amelia’s past. He wanted to protect her from any ruthless comments, like the ones she got from her parents in London. If he had to take the heat for having a child out of wedlock, then he would do that. But he had a feeling that people in Birmingham were wise enough to know not to bring it up.

“What did you name him?”

“Max,” Tommy answered. “After a friend of Amelia’s.”

“Such a cute name.” She glanced down at the paper in her hand. “Well, I hate to bother you, I know you’re probably busy with him and everything else.” She unfolded the newspaper and handed it to him.

“What is this?”

“Information about the revolution that’s going to happen in Russia. They want to overthrow the monarchy, let the government be run by the people, for the people.”

Tommy wasn’t overly optimistic, even in his younger years. He’d seen enough hardship to know that the world wasn’t fair. “Is that so?” He took the paper from her. It appeared to be somewhat of an organization’s print instead of a national newspaper. He scanned the first few lines. “And you think they’ll be able to pull it off.”

“They have the people’s support.” Greta shrugged. “I suppose it’s a bit what we’re looking for, isn’t it?”

He glanced up at her. “We’re looking for better working conditions and labor laws.” He reminded her as if she’d forgotten what she’d dedicated so much time and effort toward.

“And that can be accomplished by allowing the people to decide what’s best. Not those who are wealthy who’ve never worked a day in the factories. Who’ve never lived in the slums.”

He nodded. It made sense. His sense of justice and integrity was all for it. “What can I do?” He asked.

“You’re causing a stir in Birmingham.” She noted. “Everyone’s talking about the betting shop and the caps. The name’s caught on, by the way. The Peaky Blinders.”

“Are they afraid of us?” Tommy folded up the paper to hand back to her.

“No. At least, not the people here who need you. I think they’re sick of waiting for the Commons to make things better. They see you as a man of the people. They want you to succeed. Don’t you see, Tom? You’re the right person to make this happen. You have the skills to gain influence.” 

A soft wailing sound from an open window upstairs carried down to the street. Tommy felt conflicted. He had tried to assure Amelia that he would make things better for everyone. If he gained influence and power was he better than any of the men sitting in the Commons? Would that give his son a better life?

“I’ll be at the next meeting.” He promised her. “I’ll let you know what I think.”

She smiled hopefully. “Thanks, Tommy. And good luck with the baby.” She stepped back from the betting shop. As she went to walk away, she coughed into a handkerchief.

Tommy returned to the betting shop and found Amelia had come downstairs. Arthur was holding Max looking like a proud uncle. The baby boy had stopped crying and looked content in his arms. It made sense. Arthur had basically raised all of his siblings.

Amelia had a smile on her face but it looked partly forced. When she saw Tommy walk in, it faded slightly. Tommy was worried she had overheard his conversation with Greta.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” She asked.

“Uh…sure.” Tommy ignored the snickering from the rest of the men as he followed Amelia into the kitchen. He closed the curtain shut. “You trust them with Max?”

“You don’t?”

Tommy shrugged and sat down at the table. “They can be thick.”

Amelia didn’t respond. “Were you ever going to tell me Polly had children? Or that they were taken away?” She asked in a hushed voice.

He grimaced. The topic was a particularly sore one in the family. Polly refused to talk about it and would not listen to anyone talk about it. Even though it was unresolved, it was best to not speak about it. “She told you?”

“No, a neighbor told me while I was out walking with Max.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why wouldn’t she tell me? Why wouldn’t anyone tell me?”

“Because no one in the house talks about it, Mel.” He ran a hand over his face. “It happened just last year. Michael was born the year you left. Anna was born a year later.” He explained.

Amelia’s brow was wrinkled with worry. “What happened?”

“The police took them. They had no fucking reason; Polly was a great mother. They just targeted her because we’re gypsies.”

She slowly sat down next to him; a bit taken aback by the story.

“They said she could get them back. We’ve tried everything. They won’t tell us where they are, where they were brought. One police officer even said there was no record of them anywhere.”

“If I had known. I should-”

Tommy shook his head. “Don’t mention any of it to Pol. She can’t handle it. She copes by not speaking about it.”

Amelia chewed on her lip. She couldn’t imagine raising Max for a couple of years only to have him ripped away from her.

And it seemed like Tommy could see that fear in her eyes. “It’s not going to happen again.” He promised her, gently taking her hand in his. “No one will ever take Max from us. And I’m going to bring Michael and Anna back home.”

She nodded, too concerned to speak. She just leaned forward to let Tommy kiss her knuckles and pull her into his arms.

“You’re doing so well with him.”

On the first snow of the winter, Polly and Tommy were up early, sitting together in the kitchen. Max was in Tommy’s arms, having woken up the whole house at the crack of dawn. Everyone else had grumbled, turned over and shoved a pillow over their heads to block out the noise.

But Tommy was up to grab his month-old-son. Max nursed while Amelia was half awake, leaning against the headboard. Meanwhile, Tommy got dressed in the small space and took his son after Amelia was finished. The new mother went right back to sleep, too exhausted to get up.

Polly was already in the kitchen, preparing to go to an early mass before she worked on the accounts in the betting shop.

Tommy smiled. “He’s easy, don’t ya think? Much easier than Ada was.”

Polly sighed at the memory of Ada being colicky so often as an infant. “Much easier.” She agreed. “But still, I’m very proud of you. You’ve stepped up and have been very good to both of them.”

“Thanks, Pol.” Tommy let Max grab a hold of his index finger.

“So,” His aunt sipped her tea. “When are you going to marry her?”

“Pol!” Tommy’s eyes widened in shock. “What are you on about?”

“Thomas, you cannot hide things from me very easily. You lie the exact same way your mother did. Terribly. Now, I’m only asking because I’d like your union to be witnessed by God. Don’t want you two eloping behind my back.”

It was too early to argue about God with Polly. But Tommy had a feeling she wouldn’t drop the subject of marriage so easily. “She’s just had Max; I think she deserves a bit of time before she has to make another big decision.” He said defensively.

“But you’d be willing.”

“W-I…why are you bringing this up now? I don’t care what people think.”

“It’s not about what other people think. It’s about you, Tommy.” Polly gently touched his arm. “I know you’re in love with her. I know she’s in love with you. This flat is too fucking small not to notice the way you two are together. But I think you’re denying yourself this commitment because you’re afraid.”

Tommy looked down at Max. The newborn was slowly starting to fall asleep, his eyelids fluttering a few times before sliding shut. “We’re raising him together, Pol, I think that’s enough of a commitment.”

“Then marriage shouldn’t be a big deal.” She shrugged.

He hesitated because he knew she was trying to snag him on a technicality. “I suppose it isn’t. But it’s about what she wants. Pol, she’s been through a lot since she left. The pregnancy, how it happened…” He knew he couldn’t tell his aunt because he’d swore to Amelia he wouldn’t tell anyone what happened. “She’s not overly trusting right now. I think…y’know maybe she’s relying on trust we had before. When we were just kids. But it’s different now. I want to make things work but I think we have different ideas for the future.” He admitted. Max let go of his finger, lifting his little fist up with a yawn before settling again in his swaddle. “She said I should work with horses and just…forget about the betting shop. She’s worried I’ll get hurt.”

Polly could understand the young woman’s dilemma. It was the same issue she had with the start of the shop. But she’d begun to realize that they were Shelby boys, not choir boys. They would get into trouble no matter what. A pretty face couldn’t sway them from that. So, Polly figured that, if they had structure, a proper operation, maybe it would help them. Maybe it would keep them safer if they were let loose. She wasn’t perfect either. “Then maybe you two ought to figure out how to settle these differences. I know no one could ask you to change, Tommy. They’d only be wasting their breath. You have a plan and you want to see it through to the end. I suppose the only thing I can do is ask you to think about your family first. That family includes her and the baby now.” She reminded him gently.

Tommy nodded. “I know. Family comes first.” He echoed in agreement. “Always.”

It was a tentative arrangement and happened very slowly, to begin with. But when Max was born, Tommy and Amelia found it was difficult sleeping in two separate bedrooms. He wanted to help out as best he could even if it was the middle of the night. As time went on, Amelia got comfortable with having him in her space. When initially she was wary. It started out with Tommy coming in from down the hall when he heard Max cry. Sometimes Amelia would assure him everything was okay, or she’d ask for some help. Tommy would either go back to bed in John’s room or sit in the rocking chair by Max’s cot. When things were quiet again, he’d return to bed down the hall.

Then, the nights became longer and sometimes he’d fall asleep in the rocking chair with Max in his arms. Sometimes he’d sit up on the floor near the cot, watching Max fall asleep. And oftentimes, watching the newborn fall asleep would make him doze off too.

Eventually, Amelia noticed Tommy started to complain about his neck or back in the morning. She knew it was because the majority of the night he wasn’t sleeping in a bed. She felt bad but allowed herself the time to get comfortable with him.

One night, when Max had settled down, Tommy had started to nod off in the rocking chair. Amelia got up and scooped Max out of Tommy’s arms so she could lay him in his cot.

“Tom.” She nudged him gently.

“Hm? Yeah?” He stirred and opened his eyes with a yawn.

“Come to bed.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” He stood up and stretched. He reached into the cot to affectionately touch Max’s cheek before heading to the door.

“No, just…” Amelia grabbed his hand before he left.

He looked back at her, a bit too tired to read between the lines. “Hm?”

“Just stay here.” She didn’t want to sound like she was begging for him to stay, but she really was. After reassuring herself that Tommy would never harm her, she understood her deep need for his affection. A chaste kiss or holding her hand every once and a while wasn’t enough. Now that they were settled with Max, she wanted to grow their relationship.

Tommy’s eyes flicked to the bed. “Are you sure?” He asked. It had been months since they were huddled up together in the vardo that summer at the fair. He had longed to be close to her again for longer periods of time in the day. But it was such a small flat and he knew his siblings could be merciless with their teasing. He didn’t want Amelia to be self-conscious about their relationship. So, he kept his distance and waited patiently for her to allow him closer.

She nodded. “Yeah. I think I need you to stay.”

“Alright.” He held a hand out to the bed, allowing her to lay down first so she could get comfortable first.

But she didn’t let go of his hand, pulling him with her to the bed. He followed her lead, laying down beside her, his chest pressed to her back. She adjusted his arm, making sure it was locked around her waist and their hands were intertwined.

It felt perfect. Tommy was suddenly wide awake, his heart beating too quickly to fall asleep. 


	10. February 1910

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I cannot for the life of me remember if I gave Amelia a last name. And if I did, I can't find it. So if anyone remembers me writing a last name, you get fifty bonus stars.

Things were fine for a bit. Amelia put all her effort into looking after Max. Tommy worked pretty much all day and then some nights he’d be at meetings with Greta and Freddie. At night, he gave Amelia a rest from Max, making sure the baby was taken care of. He was growing accustomed to sleepless nights, even when Max started sleeping through the whole night. He would often stay up for hours, writing, planning. He would stay up at his desk near Max’s cot, squinting to see in the dim light. Usually, both Amelia and their son would sleep through it. Sometimes she would complain and tell Tommy to come to bed. He said he would but instead, went downstairs so she could go back to sleep peacefully.

There never seemed to be enough hours in the day. Tommy’s mind was always whirring with things. With everything going so well, he began to feel invincible. And inevitably, pushed his luck too far.

One morning, when Max was six months and spring was just beginning to bloom, John came bursting in through the door.

“Tom’s been arrested!” He shouted, breathless from his sprint back home.

“What?” Amelia startled and turned to Polly who was looking after Max.

“Jesus.” The woman sighed and handed Max back to Amelia.

“What happened?” Amelia questioned John.

“We were at the bullring and some coppers came up and arrested him!” John was wide-eyed. Police weren’t something the Shelbys were unfamiliar with. Often times, Arthur Sr. would be tossed in jail for the night due to petty theft or disorderly conduct due to drinking. Arthur and Tommy learned to not trust the police officers from their father and would sometimes tease local officers they knew well. But neither of them had ever been jailed. Usually, they were given a warning or marched home to be scolded by their mother. But now that they were older, and the things they were getting into, it was only a matter of time before law enforcement took notice.

“On what charges?” Polly asked, the more level-headed of the three in the room. She’d been cleaning up after Shelby messes for years and knew the drill.

“I dunno.”

“Pol, what do we do?” Amelia held Max close.

“I’ll handle it.” She promised and went to get her coat. “Stay here with the boys. Don’t answer the door for anyone.”

Gripped with fear, Amelia nodded. She trusted Polly. Trusted her to know what to do in dark times.

John prided himself in being as tough as his brothers even though he was younger. But Tommy’s arrest had greatly shaken him up. He always thought his older brothers were invincible. That’s how they acted. No one could touch them. But seeing the police wrestle Tommy to the ground and put handcuffs on him was too much.

Amelia could see the fear in the teenager’s eyes. “Are you hungry, John?” She did her best to try and have some normalcy. There was no need to panic yet. Polly could handle everything.

John shook his head.

“Okay. Could you hold Max for me for a mo’?” She wondered. “I just have to grab something upstairs.”

He nodded and walked over to take the baby from her arms. He sat down at the kitchen table, quietly cradling Max.

“Thank you.” Amelia gently touched his shoulder before heading upstairs. There wasn’t anything she needed to grab. She just needed a moment to collect her thoughts. She locked herself in the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. This couldn’t be the direction their life was going. She would not tolerate Tommy flitting in and out of jail. He promised her he would be there for her and especially for Max. She didn’t want there to come a time when Max was old enough to know what was going on. When he asked why daddy wasn’t coming home.

No, Amelia would much rather be on her own than live through that.

As Polly expected, it wasn’t too difficult to get Tommy out of jail. He’d only been taken in because Danny had gotten in a scuffle with the police. They’d gotten Danny and locked him up for a day but Tommy, who was present, had given them the slip.

Polly waited as they released Tommy who looked disgruntled. But that was nothing compared to the icy glare from his aunt.

“Pol…”

“Don’t.” She jabbed a finger at him. “You are marching home right now and apologizing to your poor brother. He was in a state seeing you get arrested. And Amelia too. You made a promise to her, Thomas, you cannot run around like some common street criminal. Be better.” She urged before striding off back to Watery Lane.

Tommy sighed and followed behind her.

Amelia was upstairs when Tommy and Polly returned. John and Ada were looking after Max who was contently sleeping in his bassinette in the kitchen.

“Tom!” John looked beyond relieved when he saw his brother walk through the door.

“Hello, hello.” Tommy let his sister hug him tightly.

“John said you got arrested!” Ada said. “I thought we’d never see you again.”

“S’alright. I’m sorry for causing a fuss.” He said. “John, you shouldn’t have seen that, that was my fault.”

John nodded. “I knew you’d be alright.” He said, trying to maintain his image as a Shelby boy. He didn’t want his brother to know that he was just as scared as Ada was.

“Where’s Mel?” Tommy asked when Ada finally let go of him.

“Upstairs,” John answered.

Polly nodded. “I’ll watch the baby.”

Tommy headed up to the bedroom, knocking a couple of times before Amelia let him in. She embraced him.

“Tom, for fuck’s sake. I was so worried.” She gasped.

“It’s okay.” He promised and hugged her back.

“What happened? Why were you arrested?”

“Something to do with Danny, it was just a little mishap.” He assured her. “Nothing big. They didn’t charge me with anything.”

“Christ, Tommy, you can’t play these games.” She warned but still wouldn’t let go of him. “You know how the police are, you can’t keep attracting their interest or they’ll never leave you alone.”

“It’s alright, Mel. It’s over.” He felt her push him away, much to his surprise.

“That’s all it ever is with you, isn’t it? It’s fine. It’s done. It’ll be alright. That’s all you ever say to me anymore!” She moved away from him and wrapped her arms around herself. “You keep promising me all these nice things, that you’ll always be there for me and always be there for Max. Then what happens? You’re arrested! And I can’t imagine this will be the last time.”

“Mel…”

“I hear things, Tommy, I hear what people are saying about you. What they’re calling you and Arthur and Danny an-and everyone else. You think this is right?”

Tommy ran a hand over his face, exhausted by the day. He sat down with a heavy groan. “Mel-”

“The police don’t care, they’ll keep locking you up and then you’ve broken your promise to me and Max because you won’t have been there for us.” She paced the small room. “Is that what you want? You have so much potential, Tommy. You’re so much more than this. I don’t want you to rot away. I don’t want this city to make you some low-life like your father!”

“Oi!” Tommy shouted as she had hit a nerve. He stood up and grabbed her arm to stop her from pacing. “I am not my fucking father. I will never be him. You say I have potential, yeah? Think I can just go out and make money like those fuckers in London, aye? They’ve got blue blood, they were born with money, Mel. I can’t make money the way they do. You’d have me go work in the factories? Fourteen-hour shifts every day? I could work all day and all night for the rest of me life and never make enough money to keep food on the table.”

Amelia had tears in her eyes. “You don’t understand, I don’t care about money. I will be happy with whatever I have at the end of the day as long as I have you and Max. I don’t want you to end up in prison or killed because you want money. I will suffer and starve if it means keeping you safe.”

He let go of her arm, shaking his head. “I won’t. I won’t starve and I won’t fucking suffer. Not anymore.”

Amelia wiped her eyes. “So, I’m meant to wait for the call one day that you’ve been found killed?”

“That won’t happen…”

“You don’t know that!” She shouted. “You can’t control life, Tommy. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll bloody well find it eventually!”

He went to his desk and pulled out a few pieces of paper. “See that.” He pointed forcefully.

Amelia shook her head, not even willing to look. She felt like she’d been made a fool of by trusting him.

“Five years.” He thumped his hand on the desk. “Five years and we’ll be legitimate. We’ll have a license; we’ll be operated legally. The money will come and there will be no need for worry about coppers.”

“Those are just words.”

“It’s my promise, Mel.” He cupped her cheeks so she would look at him. “Five years isn’t too long. I’ll be careful and nothing will happen. I may get nicked a few times but I’ll always be home for you the same day. Five years and we’ll be able to get a house and send Max to a proper school.” He wiped some of her tears away. “And if by five years I haven’t kept my promise, I’ll give you all the savings I have so you can have your own life with Max.”

She sniffled and knotted her fingers in his hair. “You think it would be so easy to walk away from you?”

Tommy sighed and wrapped his arms around her, letting her bury herself in his chest. He knew it would be impossible to walk away from her and Max, so he could assume she felt the same way. “Five years won’t be long.” He promised. “After that, we’ll have everything we could ever want.”

“Hey, Mel?”

“Mhm?”

Both John and Amelia were sharing a very rare quiet dinner together. Arthur and Tommy were working late in the shop while Polly cared after Finn and Ada who had both come down with a nasty cold.

Now fifteen, John was starting to grow into himself. No longer was he the little boy who was trying so desperately to be like his big brothers. He was growing and his voice had deepened a bit as well. It was odd because Amelia had hazy memories of seeing John as an infant. To see him grow so fast was alarming. It made her think of Max, hoping that time wouldn’t pass by so quickly with him.

“How d’you know when you love someone?” He asked. Of course, it was a question the teenager would never ask his brothers. And, his baby sister would only tease him too. Polly wouldn’t be much help either. So, it seemed that the only confidante he had was Amelia, who he always looked at as an older sister.

“Well, I suppose it isn’t easy to really know right away.” Amelia wasn’t that surprised about the conversation. She could recall being young and only thinking about romance and going steady with someone. Of course, that someone was usually Tommy. Although there was a small stint of time when he fell out of favor with her for a forgotten reason, and she chose to fantasize about George Connelly. Yet, it was Tommy’s initials she carved next to hers on the stone bridge by the canal. 

She was so lovesick for him. But in all reality, she wasn’t sure she really knew what love was at that point. “It should be someone you know very well. Someone you get along with.”

John gave her a look. “Of course.”

She smiled. “Well, I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just a gut feeling.”

He seemed a bit dismayed by the vague response. “I think I’m in love.” He confided.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Bloody stupid, Martha Boswell.” He muttered, disgruntled that he had developed feelings for the girl who had tormented him practically his entire life.

“Do you think she feels the same way?” Amelia wondered. She couldn’t help but think how all-knowing Polly was. She must’ve known right from the start that the two were made for each other, just like she said she knew about her and Tommy.

John got a little sheepish. “Yeah, we kissed at the fair. We’ve been writing back ‘n forth.” He admitted.

“Then why are you so concerned about labeling things? Why can’t you just write back and forth and see where it takes you?”

He grimaced. “’Cause her mum wants her to get married to this boy. But she says she doesn’t want to marry him. I said I could ask her mum if we could get married instead.”

“Oh, John, you two are awfully young.” Amelia hesitated at the idea. Even if they were meant to be together, they should have the right to let the relationship grow organically, not have it forced on them.

“I know.” He muttered. “But I don’t want to have her marry some other prick.” He seemed saddened at the idea of letting her go.

“Maybe…maybe you can talk to Polly about talking to Martha’s mum.” She offered. “Arrange something more…reasonable.”

He perked up a bit at the idea. “Would you talk to Pol with me?”

Amelia nodded. “Of course. Let’s talk to her when Finn and Ada get a bit better.”

John smiled. “Thanks, Mel.”

The doors between the flat and the shop opened and Tommy came in looking tired. He tousled John’s hair and gave Amelia a kiss on the cheek. “Finn ‘n Ada getting better?” He asked.

Amelia could sense some frustration or stress in his voice. “They’re still coughing a lot.” She answered. “Why don’t you eat something? I can make you a plate.” She offered.

His eyes were wandering aimlessly around the room, not fully paying attention to her. “No, not right now, thanks.”

Nervous something was wrong; Amelia tried a different route. “Do you want to take a walk with me?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He agreed and helped her stand up. “John, could you look after Max for a bit?”

After Amelia had helped him out, he nodded. “Okay.”

After they bundled up, Tommy and Amelia headed out into the cold winter night. He held her hand as they walked silently for a bit. Amelia wordlessly led him down to the canal, down beneath the bridge.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing.”

“Tom, tell me.” She urged.

He finally looked at her. “I’m just a little stressed.” He admitted.

She guided him over to the stones, searching a bit before she found the telltale marker. “Look.” She pointed to the carving she’d made over five years ago.

_TS+AM_

“You made that?” Of course, he could recognize their initials instantly.

“When we were twelve, thirteen, maybe.” She explained. “I just…I wanted you to know that you mean more to me than I think you realize. I need you to know how much I care for you.”

Tommy nodded. “I know.” He said softly before leaning down to kiss her. Her lips were cold from the wintery air but soon warmed.

Amelia could only imagine how thrilled her younger self would be had she known this was her future. Kissing Tommy Shelby by the canal just as it started to snow.

They parted but he kept her close, savoring in her warmth among the chill. “Will you marry me?” He asked quietly.

“What?” She found his eyes.

He dropped a hand from her cheek so he could reach into his coat pocket, pulling out a diamond ring. It was modest, but for Small Heath, it might’ve been the Hope Diamond.

Amelia’s breath caught in her throat. “Tom…how did…where did you get this?”

“I’ve been saving, since right before Max was born. I’ve wanted this well…ever since you came back.” He let out a shy laugh. “I saw you there and realized how much I still loved you after all those years. I just know that I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“Oh, Tommy.” She gasped and kissed him deeply.

“So, will you?” He asked between breaths. 

“Yes, yes, of course.” She agreed vehemently before pulling him back to her and kissing him again.


	11. September 1910

As spring turned into summer, Tommy was starting to realize how fast time really went. For so long he’d been going through the motions of life. But seeing Max hit milestones was an eye-opener for him. He saw how fleeting time was and it scared him.

By June, Max was crawling and had started to show signs of walking. He would pull himself up using a chair and smile up at Tommy, proud of his little accomplishment. 

The summer months were so busy that a lot of things that would worry Amelia went unnoticed. She was so occupied with Max and the other younger Shelbys that she didn’t have time to notice little inconsistencies. Like when Tommy had been nicked twice but Arthur had bailed him out before anyone noticed. Or that they had started to smuggle in a great number of weapons like guns and rifles.

Tommy didn’t want to lie to Amelia. But if she didn’t ask, then there was nothing to lie about.

There was even a stretch of time in the summer that they were apart. Polly, Amelia, and the youngest Shelbys went to the Appleby fair again while Tommy and Arthur stayed behind to watch the shop. Amelia wanted Maxine to meet her namesake, and Polly wanted a break from the shop. In the time they were gone, Tommy was roughed up by another Birmingham Boy but his bruises and cuts healed by the time Amelia returned.

Little did they know, the fair would have more consequences than any of them realized.

They celebrated Max’s first birthday in September, holding a small party for friends and family. It was one of the first birthdays the Shelbys had that was a proper birthday. There was no worrying over scraping together enough money to make it suitable. There was a cake and toys for the little boy and a happy family surrounding him.

As Ada helped Max unwrap his toys, Amelia snuggled into Tommy’s side. She seemed so content. That’s all Tommy wanted. He wanted his family to be happy and he would go by any means to get that.

Tommy kissed her hair and took her hand in his.

“It’s a horse, Maxy!” Ada showed him the wooden horse, pretending to make it gallop across the floor.

Max giggled and clapped his hands together. He was such a happy child. Polly noted that the Shelbys were notable for being fussy children. It didn’t help that they had such a tumultuous upbringing. But Max rarely went a moment without giving someone a smile. Showing everyone the few baby teeth that were coming in. Even when he cried or fussed, he wanted to be secure in someone’s arms.

It threw Tommy for a loop when, one day, Max looked at him and said ‘dada’. He was dumbfounded for a second, staring at the little boy he was holding. This innocent, pure-hearted, child who looked up to him. Who looked at him with such fondness and adoration. He was still too young to understand many things but he understood love.

It had to be a fluke. A misunderstanding on God’s part. Tommy didn’t deserve this little angel. He didn’t deserve Amelia. He fully assumed that one day, he would wake up and it all would be just a dream. But every morning he woke up with Amelia curled up in his arms and Max asleep in his cot.

But the tide would turn ever so slightly. That night, after all the cake was cleaned off Max’s face and he was fast asleep, there was a frenzy of knocks at the door.

Amelia was helping Polly clean the kitchen while Tommy put Max to sleep so she went to answer it.

When she opened the door, she found Martha Boswell on the front stoop, tears streaming down her cheeks. It was a bit of a shock; Amelia hadn’t seen the teenager since the Appleby fair in June. She didn’t know the Boswells were even near Birmingham because no one mentioned it.

“Martha?”

The girl hiccupped as she tried to compose herself enough to ask. “I-is John here?”

“He’s upstairs, why don’t you come in?” Amelia let her inside, confused as to what was going on.

Polly came out of the kitchen. “Martha, why are you here? What’s wrong?” She immediately switched to parenting mode.

“Oh, Pol, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Martha wailed, clutching her shawl close to her chest.

“ _Chavi,_ tell me what’s wrong?” Polly embraced her.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I swear. I’m pre-pregnant.” Martha sobbed.

Amelia instantly recognized the guilt and shame in her voice. It was the same emotions she had when she first found out about her pregnancy. The fear of what everyone would think weighing down on her and crushing her hope. Then she looked up to see John standing halfway down the stairs.

His face had gone completely ashen and his wide eyes marked a frozen look of fear. It was obvious he’d heard the news. They were all stuck for a while. The only sound came from Martha’s heavy sobbing.

John slowly walked down the rest of the stairs. “Marty…” He looked to Polly who seemed to be waiting for what he had to say. Either for damage control or for some sort of agreement. “You don’t hafta cry. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

Martha withdrew from Polly’s arms to look at him. “You don’t’ know that.”

“I…well, I’ll try me best. I’ll go to your parents and talk to them tomorrow.”

“They’ll gut you!” She exclaimed. “They already know I’m pregnant. Mum found out today. If they find out you’re the father, they’ll go mad.”

“Oi, what’s wrong with me, aye?” John asked. “Can take care of you better than anyone else.” He asserted.

“John, I’m not even sixteen until next month!”

“Well, I…” He was at a loss for words, looking to Polly and Amelia. He figured it would be years before he was even thinking about having a family. But teenagers did what they did. A chance night at the Appleby fair and suddenly their lives were changed forever.

“Why don’t you stay the night?” Polly suggested. “Maybe we’ll all have clearer heads in the morning. Tomorrow, I’ll go with you and John to see your parents.”

“Oh, Pol, they’ll be so angry.” Martha wrung her shawl together in her hands.

“What’s done is done,” Polly assured her. “It’ll be okay. C’mon, go upstairs with John.”

John, as frightened as he looked, took Martha’s hand. He squeezed it gently to comfort her as they walked upstairs.

Polly shook her head. “Should’ve seen this coming a mile away.” She muttered to herself. “We saw them attached at the hip at the fair. Saw them sneak away together.”

“They’re young, but they have a family that’ll take care of them.” Amelia pointed out. “Like you’ve taken care of Max and me.”

She sighed. “I suppose. It’ll be a full house though.” She realized.

“Well, maybe Tom and I can get a place of our own.” Amelia wondered. “I could still come and help with Ada and Finn. But I don’t want you to feel crowded.”

“Talk to Tommy, I suppose.” Polly looked like she wasn’t sure what to do anymore. “It’ll work out eventually. It always does.”

"I guess I should've seen this coming," Tommy muttered. "I mean, we always saw them together but pregnant? That fucking git."

"They seem to be in love though." Amelia picked up Max as he toddled over to her. They were just finishing moving into their new flat after discussing things with Polly. With Martha moving in after she and John married, and another baby on the way, there was hardly enough space to breathe. So Tommy took it upon himself to find a new flat. It was nice to have a place of his own, but he wasn't willing to stop there. He still had his eyes set on a manor out in the countryside.

"They're too young to know what love is."

"Really? They're not much younger than we are, Tom." Amelia reminded him gently.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Well, I guess we'll see how it works out."

"Maybe you should let John help with the betting shop." She suggested. "Give him some responsibilities and let him work for his own money. Then he can start saving for the baby."

Tommy frowned. "Maybe. I don't know if he's ready."

"He dropped out of school, he needs something to do."

Max cooed as he tugged on Amelia's necklace. "Mumma." He murmured.

Tommy watched as she cuddled Max close. He smiled slightly. He could never get over how natural her relationship was with Max. She embraced motherhood with such grace and it made him cast aside any doubts he had for the future. "Why don't we go to Handsworth Park on Friday. I’ll take the day off." He suggested.

It was the first time since Max was born that Tommy offered to take a day off. Of course, he'd been coerced or even guilted into it but he had yet to be the first to suggest it.

"I think that would be lovely." She agreed. "We can bring lunch, would you like that, Max?" She cooed softly.

The toddler giggled. "Mumma."

"Alright, now, let's get you in the bath. Daddy will come to say goodnight to you later." Amelia walked upstairs with Max in her arms.

Tommy lingered in the foyer, lighting up a smoke. He glanced around the entryway. It was a similar layout to Six Watery but it still had its differences. There wasn't a large scuff mark on the floor from when Arthur scraped a chair down the hallway to catch a spider on the ceiling. Polly tried to cover the scratch in vain but it always poked out from underneath the rug. There was no cross on the wall by the door, although Polly was probably going to bring one over soon. The walls were still bare as they'd focused on getting furniture on a limited budget.

It was frustrating. With money coming in, Tommy was starting to feel like they were moving up. And they were, just in small increments. Ada wouldn't have to wear hand-me-downs from cousins, no one would go hungry, and they could afford some small luxuries that they never knew before. But when a larger obstacle faced him, like buying another flat and filling it with furniture, Tommy realized how long the road ahead was.

He exhaled a breath of smoke, tilting his head up to the ceiling. Maybe, with some luck, Max wouldn't have any memories of being poor. But it was only wishful thinking.


	12. 1911-1913

“Baa-baa black sheep, have you any wool?”

Tommy heard Amelia singing as he trudged upstairs after a long day’s work. After, he heard Max giggling and baaing like a sheep.

“Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. How many is three, Max? One…two…three!”

“Three!” Max echoed.

No matter how difficult the day was for Tommy, he couldn’t help but smile when he heard his little boy talking so sweetly with his mother. It was like magic sometimes. No one said having a family was easy, but seeing Max and Amelia smile always put Tommy in a good mood.

He nudged the door open to the nursery and Max leaped off Amelia’s lap to greet him. “Daddy!”

“Hello, hello.” Tommy picked him up and kissed his cheek. “There’s my boy.” 

Amelia smiled and stood up to give him a quick kiss. “Hungry?”

“No, I ate. Thanks, love.” He set Max down. “What did you two get up to today, then, aye?”

“Martha came over with Abigail. Did you see your cousin, Max? Did you see Abby?”

The little boy beamed. “Daddy, Abby s’a baby.” The two-and-a-half-year-old tugged on his father’s pant leg. 

“I know. She’s very little. Seems like yesterday you were that little.” He remarked, watching as Max wandered away from him and to a toy train left on the rug.

“Martha was a little worried.” Amelia kept her tone light as she didn’t want Max to pick up on her concern. “She said John came home last night a bit _not well_.”

Tommy’s eyes flicked to Max who didn’t seem to be paying attention. But that was the catch. He had made the mistake of assuming the little boy either wasn’t listening or couldn’t understand him. Because after talking to Arthur in Max’s presence, that same night, the toddler turned to his mother and as clear as day said, ‘fuck’. 

And despite warnings and telling offs, Max enjoyed the shocked attention he got when he used the word, so during a visit to Polly’s he yelled it out.

Luckily, they’d managed to somewhat curb the behavior, but they all went out knowing they were running the risk of having a toddler cursing up a storm.

“Well, he knows what he did,” Tommy replied.

“I don’t know what he did.” Amelia widened her eyes at him, unable to raise her voice.

“It isn’t important.”

“Thomas…”

“It’s late, Mel. Time for bed, Max.” Tommy passed by her to scoop him up. “Say night to mumma.”

“Night, night, mummy!” Max blew her a kiss, one of his new tricks.

“Good night, my love.”

Tommy’s attempt to distract Amelia only worked until Max was fast asleep and they were both in bed.

As he draped an arm around her waist, she brought up the subject again. “You know what Martha asked me today?”

“What did she ask you?”

“If John should write up a will. A fucking will, Tommy. He came home and she saw so much blood, she thought he was half-dead.”

“He was fine, Mel, it was a cut. He wasn’t complaining about it at all. He knows that when you pick fights with people bigger than you, you get hurt.”

“So where were his brothers, aye? She shrugged his arm off and sat up to face him.

Tommy wearily ran a hand over his face. “So. Arthur and I are supposed to be babysitting him? Mel, you were the one who suggested he help us at the shop. It’s not our fault he’s got a fucking idea in his thick skull that he’s some fucking big shot now.”

“Then teach him!” She snapped, knowing the exact volume she could raise her voice before she risked waking up Max. “Tommy, I can live with this, I can tolerate it. I may be afraid but I trust you. But when you act like it’s not a big deal that your brother was cut.”

“It _wasn’t_ a big deal, Mel.”

“He’s sixteen, Tommy!”

“And he’s gotten in plenty of fucking fights before. He’ll learn by getting pushed down. That’s how we all learned.” He said firmly. “You tell Martha that he’s not going to bloody die. She doesn’t need to be so fucking dramatic. Now can we just…” He huffed out a frustrated sigh. He didn’t think his brother’s wife to worry Amelia so much. “I’m fucking exhausted, Mel.”

Though unsatisfied with Tommy’s answer, he did look tired. She sighed. “Fine.” She mumbled and laid back down. “Fine…” 

“House full of kids.” Polly sighed as Finn came screaming down the stairs with Max hot on his heels. Meanwhile, little Abigail was tottering around the kitchen going back and forth between the women who were having lunch together.

“It’s good fortune, Pol.” Martha, heavily pregnant again, had her feet up on a chair to ease the swelling.

“I think we’ve had enough good fortune for now, so perhaps we hold off on baby number three for a little while, aye?”

Martha and Amelia laughed as the woman sat down with an eye roll.

“Or at least let her have the next child.” Polly waved a hand to Amelia. “Trade off every other.”

“Hm, you’d have to consult Tommy about that one.” Amelia shook her head. “I’m lucky if I even get a kiss goodnight. I only ever see him in the morning, he works so late. The only way we’re having a child is through immaculate conception.”

Martha snickered but Polly looked uneasy. “Have you ever asked him to work less?”

“Pol, honestly, how do you think that would go down?”

“Work should never come first.” Polly insisted. “He’s put off your wedding this long, the least he can do is be there for dinner every night.”

“We _both_ agreed to hold off on the wedding. Max is still too young, and we’re both so busy.” Amelia butted in. “There will be plenty of time for things.”

“I’ll watch Max tonight,” Polly said, not seeming to care for her litany of excuses. “You and Tommy have a nice evening to yourself.

Amelia opened her mouth to protest but Max passed by and appeared delighted in the idea. “Mummy, I stay here with Auntie Pol!?” He exclaimed.

She sighed, it seemed she had been bested. “Yeah, love. You get to have a little sleepover with Finn and Abby, won’t that be fun?” She had a little sliver of hope that he would balk at the idea of spending the night away from her and Tommy.

But that didn’t seem to be the case. The toddler jumped up and down excitedly. “Fun!”

“Very fun.” Polly looked a little smug.

“Mel?” The apartment was strangely quiet when Tommy came in that night. He’d left work earlier than before, not knowing that Arthur was set up by Polly to get his brother out of the shop as early as he could.

“I’m in the kitchen!” She called back.

He found it so strange that Max hadn’t come bounding in to launch himself at Tommy. “Where’s Max?” He asked as he came into the kitchen.

“He’s staying the night with Polly. She and Martha offered to watch him.” She answered, turning around with a hesitant smile.

“Oh…any reason why?”

“Just to give us a night off, I suspect.” Neither of them had realized they hadn’t been away from Max for a full night in his entire life. Three years of caring for him all day every day just seemed natural. Now the flat seemed so quiet and a bit empty without the rambunctious toddler running around until he wore himself out.

“That was nice of her.” Tommy nodded and went to take off his coat and cap. Now that it was just the two of them, they had the space to consider their relationship of a few years. Neither could deny that the majority of their relationship was centered around Max. It had to be, the little boy took up so much time and energy. They weren’t complaining, they devoted themselves to Max because they loved him.

But they were young and in love. It just took some finesse to have an intimate relationship in such small quarters. At least they weren’t in Six Watery where they first tried to have sex. Max was about eight months old and Amelia had gotten John to watch over the baby while she ‘took a nap’. But their little tryst was interrupted by Ada who wanted some money to go to the candy store with her friends.

Still even just the three of them in their flat, they were worried Max would get nosy. And neither of them wanted to explain what mummy and daddy were up to in bed in the middle of the night.

“Are you hungry?” Amelia asked.

“Let’s go out.” He said spontaneously.

“Are you sure?” Eating out had always been a luxury while growing up in Small Heath. Amelia started to get used to going out to restaurants and pubs when she lived in London, but upon returning to Birmingham she retreated back to her comfort of home cooking.

“Why not? Night to ourselves.” He smiled. “It’ll be fun.” She could see the boyish glint of excitement in his eyes. The prospect of being able to live as young adults for the night without any responsibility seemed enticing. Being the man of the house was nice and all, but everyone needed a little break.

“Okay.” Amelia smiled. “I’ll just get ready then. I’ll only be a mo’.” She promised before heading upstairs with a spring in her step.

Dinner and a couple of drinks felt like a wild night out on the town for the two parents. They enjoyed themselves very much, talking and laughing with one another like they were teenagers again.

“Pol was telling Martha she and John should slow down on having kids.” Amelia giggled. “It was funny.”

“Poor woman’s a saint for putting up with us for so long.” Tommy chuckled and finished his beer. “I’m surprised she hasn’t skipped town yet.”

“Well, she loves you all so much. Why would she?”

He shrugged. “Seems like what some people do.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

Shaking his head, he tried to brush off the conversation. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

“Tom…” She reached over to touch his hand resting on the table.

He met her eyes for a brief moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “Just haven’t heard from me dad. S’been years, Mel. Max is growing, John’s already got a second child on the way.”

Amelia laced her fingers with his. “Exactly, you’ve all created such a wonderful family and you don’t need your father to solidify that. He doesn’t deserve to be a part of it. Not after what he’s done. I know why you’re sad. I think about my parents every day and wonder if…if maybe they met Max, if they met you, they might change their mind. But I can’t hold out hope for that. I can only focus on the good things that I know for certain. That we have a wonderful little boy and that I have you. That’s enough for me.”

Tommy lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. “Thank you.”

“For what?” She smiled softly.

“For just…for understanding me when other people don’t.”

“Oh, Tom, I’ll always be here for you.” She murmured affectionately.

“I know.” He squeezed her hand gently.

“It was funny, Pol was wondering if we had any plans to have a baby any time soon.” She admitted sheepishly.

It might’ve crossed Tommy’s mind a couple of times. But he considered Max as his own that he didn’t really consider the fact that he and Amelia hadn’t _conceived_ a child together. “Well, I guess it’s something to think about.” He agreed.

“Would you want another child?” She asked.

“Think it would be nice for Max to have a brother or sister.” He supposed. “But I can now see Polly’s reason for having him stay the night.” He tossed some money on the table for the bill and stood up. Reaching a hand out to Amelia he gave her a wink. “Ready to enjoy our night alone?”

“Of course, Mr. Shelby.”

They hardly made it through the door. It seemed the intimacy they’d been neglecting for so long was no rearing its head, a force to be reckoned with.

At the foot of the stairs, they threw off their coats. Tommy kissed her so hard she stumbled back a bit before grabbing onto his shirt.

Halfway up the stairs, Amelia stopped a step above him, to kiss him again.

At the top of the stairs, she began to undo the buttons of Tommy’s shirt. She giggled softly when he began to undo the buttons of her dress, but cursed when his fingers kept slipping.

So, in love, he was so in love with her.

He captured her lips again and she pulled him into the bedroom.

As Tommy understood, love was something that was hard to find. But he figured that once he found it, it was his to keep and foster. And he knew that was what he would spend the rest of his waking days doing. Loving the woman who was unraveling in his arms as she moaned softly.

Nothing could keep them apart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all fun and fluff until 1914 rolls around...


	13. July 28, 1914- July 29, 1914

**England and Germany At War.**

**Your King and Country Need You.**

Tommy was downstairs in the kitchen, sat at the table, chewing on his nail anxiously. The newspaper hadn’t left his hand even though he’d already read the headlines. His brothers were near, they’d shown up to Tommy’s flat with the newspaper in hand. John in the doorway of the kitchen, unsure of where else to stand. Everything felt uprooted. Arthur was leaning against the kitchen counter his face in his hand.

To interrupt the somber mood was the sound of small footsteps skittering down the stairs.

“Daddy!” Max launched into Tommy’s lap.

The toddler seemed to snap him out of his daze. “Hello, hello.” Tommy kissed his cheek and hugged him close.

Amelia came down a few moments later, having been the first-person Max woke up. “Morning.” She greeted as if it were any other day. But there was a tell that things weren’t right. All three of the Shelby boys were in the kitchen. At that time of the morning, they were usually off doing work. Unless there was a family meeting, it was rare for the three to just come over and lounge around the flat. Then she noticed the looks on their faces. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Tommy cleared his throat and handed her the paper.

It didn’t take too long before the news sank in. But she still read the headline a few times just to make sure she was reading it correctly and not just making the words up in her head. “What? But…what does this mean?”

“Means we’ll be shipped off to God knows where.” Arthur lifted his head with an agitated look. He didn’t take kindly to others telling him what to do, even if it was the government. “Fighting for God knows what for God knows how long!”

Tommy didn’t have the heart to tell him to calm down in front of Max. “It won’t be that long.” He muttered.

“How could you possibly know?” The sense of dread and panic settled in fairly quickly for Amelia. "How do you know what they're planning on doing?" 

“It’ll be alright.” He assured her without any facts to really base it on. “It might be over before anything happens.”

“But, I-”

“C’mon, nothing we can do right now.” He took the paper from her hands and tossed it onto the table.

“Tom.” Arthur gave him a stern look. “You know-”

“Look,” Tommy spoke over his older brother. “the military will be mobilizing the Rifles. That’s inevitable. But since it’s a volunteer basis, I don’t think they would ship us overseas.”

“Tom, you don’t know that!” Arthur urged.

“Daddy…” Max started to pick up on the worrying atmosphere. “Are you leaving us?”

“No, Max.”

“Tommy, please.” Amelia didn’t want him saying anything that wasn’t true that might break their son’s heart later on.

The room was starting to get a little too loud and crowded for his taste. Tommy got up, set Max down, and walked out of the kitchen without saying anything else.

“Tommy!” Amelia called after him but he simply shut the door behind him.

“It’ll be alright, Thomas.” Charlie was sat in the Yard, mending a bridle.

Tommy was standing near the canal, trying to keep his breathing steady. He shook his head. “What if they ship us overseas?” He asked. “They’re right, how are we supposed to know how long this goes on for? Should’ve bloody seen this coming.” Like other people who read the news every morning, Tommy wasn’t blind to the growing tensions in Europe. Hostilities between countries were growing and treaties were being signed. Just a precaution, everyone said. Just a precaution.

Charlie noticed Amelia before he could say anything else.

“Tommy.” She walked over to him, nodding a curt greeting to his uncle.

“Mel, go back home please.” Tommy ran a hand over his face.

“We need to talk about this.” She urged, not willing to leave him.

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You seemed confident enough back there!” She exclaimed. “You seemed like you knew what you were talking about!”

“I don’t. I don’t know what’s happening. I’m not confident, I’m not confident about anything, how am I supposed to know what they’re going to do?”

When the strongest support beam started to crack, the house would soon fall down. Amelia realized they were utterly helpless to the rest of the world. Small Heath had been a little kingdom, of sorts. Allowing the Shelbys to bend the rules and always come out on top. But when it came to an international dispute, they were nothing. No one considered their opinions, their feelings. They were suddenly lumped into a group of healthy, able men who would be drafted whether they liked it or not. No one cared about the families they had, the lives they led. Nothing. Only the powerful were making decisions that mattered. Tommy and the rest of them were back to where they began. Stuck under the thumb of someone else. It was suffocating.

Amelia hugged him close so he wouldn’t see the tears streaming down her cheeks. She was so frightened and it didn’t help that he was just as scared as she was. 

There was an odd atmosphere over the Garrison that night. No one seemed to be in a jovial mood though the alcohol was alleviating everyone’s burden at least for a while. There wasn’t any news about the Small Heath rifles yet, there was only speculation. But it seemed inevitable that they would be put to use. Armed and set up like little toy soldiers. Puppets.

Tommy got up from the table he was sitting at with his brothers and went to the bar. There, he saw Jeremiah walk in.

“Thomas.” The man gave him a half-hearted smile.

“I’m glad to see you.”

“Eh?” He chuckled as he sat down at the bar. “Why’s that, then? Want to turn to God before we’re shipped off?”

The joke made Tommy’s insides turn but he forced a smile. “I was wondering if you’d marry Amelia and me?”

Jeremiah’s face softened. “Of course. Name a day and I’ll be there.”

“Tomorrow, if you’re not busy.”

“Tomorrow? Well…I suppose that’ll work.”

“Thank you. I’ll come to find you tomorrow.” Tommy said and took his leave from the bar without telling his brothers. He walked down the dark streets which were quieter than usual. Maybe everyone was still trying to process the news.

After unlocking the front door, Tommy found all the downstairs lights were off, the only light left on came from beneath the master bedroom.

He and Amelia hadn’t spoken much more the rest of the day. Tommy didn’t have much else to say and Amelia was so overwhelmed with worry that she couldn’t find any words. But he wasn’t going to let the news put a wedge in their relationship.

After climbing the stairs, Tommy went into the bedroom to find Amelia just getting ready for bed.

“Hey, I thought you were going to stay out with the boys for a bit.”

He didn’t respond, instead, walking over to her to embrace her tightly. He buried his face in the crook of her shoulder.

She didn’t resist and wrapped her arms around him and kissing his jaw. “Tom…”

“Will you marry me tomorrow?” He asked quietly.

“Tomorrow? Why so sudden?”

His hand pressed to the small of her back, holding her closer. “Because I don’t want to wait any longer.” The war suddenly put a lot of things into perspective for Tommy. What if he had gone all this time, and one day he dropped dead? All the time wasted where he could’ve been married to Amelia. Sure, what was a marriage license and a ring in the grand scheme of things? They lived together and were raising a child together. But it was the principle. If he was going to die in this war, he was going to die knowing that he had been married to the love of his life.

“Okay.” She agreed softly. Because she too didn’t want to wait another minute.

Harry allowed them to get married in the Garrison. Tommy offered to find a better location. Maybe somewhere a bit more romantic than a pub. But Amelia didn’t want to waste time. Plus, she added, they could get married and celebrate with everyone all in one place.

So, there they were wed. Tommy in his nicest suit and Amelia in a blush pink dress, one of the nicest she’d worn since she lived in London. Ada held Max as they all watched the two sweethearts get married.

After quick vows, the wedding erupted into a small celebration of friends and family. Tommy popped a bottle of champagne, probably the most expensive thing they paid for that day, and everyone toasted to the newlyweds.

Outside of the Garrison, far from Birmingham, men were marching to arms. But the windows of the pub kept out the worry over the war. Inside, Tommy and Amelia had a festive time with their loved ones and each other. It was a happy memory. It might not have lasted long, but it was something no one could take away from them. Even if they were separated by the war. At least they had that one night.


	14. December 1914-March 1915

They had the blessing of being able to spend Christmas together. They enjoyed their time together as a family, celebrating John and Martha’s newest arrival, Wilbur. While news from the war front was constant, Amelia felt reassured that Tommy and the others wouldn’t be shipped off. With the cold of winter settling in, she felt content to deny what was going on in the rest of the world. She hunkered down like a little mouse, tending to the house and keeping everything warm and keeping everyone happy.

~~~~~~~~~

But it was not to last. After Valentine’s Day, a letter arrived.

Amelia heard it fall through the mail slot and she went to retrieve it. When she saw the British army emblem on it, she panicked. It felt like her heart jumped to her throat.

“Mel?” Tommy was walking downstairs and she saw an envelope in her hand. “Something wrong?”

“No!” She clasped her hand tightly around the letter and tucked it into her skirt pocket.

Knowing she was a terrible liar, and seeing the fear on her face, he pressed. “Mel, what is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Amelia.” He held a hand out. “Let me see.”

She lifted her chin to try and appear truthful. “It’s not for you.”

“Really? Who’s it for then?”

“Me.”

“Who’s it from?”

“My-” She swallowed. It was so difficult trying to lie to him. Not only was she a shit liar but it tore her up inside with guilt.

“C’mon, just let me see it.” He reached for her pocket but she backed away.

“No!” She snapped and tucked her hand into her pocket and clutched the letter to make sure he couldn’t get to it.

There was only one thing that got Amelia so upset. It was the war. The prospect of losing Tommy was too much for her to bear. She couldn’t hear or read about the news. She didn’t want to talk about it. She would leave a conversation if it was ever brought up. She was in complete denial. So, Tommy had a hunch about what the letter was about.

“Amelia, give it to me.” He backed her up into the wall and reached again. She pulled her hand away, trying in vain to keep the envelope out of reach. But he grabbed her wrist and yanked it from her hand.

Although wrinkled from the tussle, he saw the same emblem that had made her panic. Tommy stared at it for a minute. He knew what it was. He didn’t even have to open it to know. But he peeled open the envelope and took out the letter.

Amelia watched with tears in her eyes. “Tommy…”

He swallowed and looked up. “Mel, I told you this might happen.”

It felt like she was kicked in the stomach. “No…no please.”

“What do you want me to do?” He snapped. “What am I supposed to do?” He shook the letter in his hand. “Because me hands are tied! You’re only making this harder for everyone!”

Amelia shrunk into herself, covering her eyes with her hands.

They stood in the foyer, the only sounds from the clock on the wall and the soft sobbing from behind her hands.

“Mel…” Tommy tossed the letter aside and stepped closer to her. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to tell you anymore.”

“Pl-please don’t go.” She begged as he enveloped her in his arms. “Please, Tommy.”

He hushed her softly and kissed her hair. There were no promises he could make to her anymore.

~~~~~~~~

So, it would be. The Shelby boys were to be shipped to Le Havre in a month’s time. In the meantime, they had to get their affairs in order. Tommy and Arthur had many meetings with Polly about the future of the betting shop. Amelia wasn’t privy to the information. Tommy didn’t want to stress her out even more.

But at least Tommy knew he wasn’t leaving his wife alone. She had his whole family to comfort her plus the friends she’d made in Birmingham. Some rekindled from their youth, some newfound. Of course, it wouldn’t be the same. Nothing would ever be the same.

“Max?”

“Yeah?” The little boy came into the kitchen of Six Watery Lane. Amelia was upstairs with Martha helping her tend after baby Wilbur and Abigail. Meanwhile, Max was meant to play quietly in the parlor with his toy train. 

“C’mere.” Tommy patted his knee. His son smiled and scrambled up onto his lap. “C’mere my boy.” He helped him up.

“Hi, daddy,” Max said sweetly. He was mildly surprised to see Tommy in the middle of the day. Usually, his father was hard at work and wouldn’t come home until bedtime.

Tommy brushed his hair back. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Okay.”

“Two weeks from now, I’ll have to go away for a little bit. I’ll be going with your Uncle Arthur and Uncle John.”

Max looked confused. “Why, daddy?”

“We’re going so we can keep you and your mum and everyone else safe.” He said gently and held his son close. “Can I show you where we’ll be?”

“Okay!”

Tommy stood up, carrying the four-year-old into the empty betting shop. In the meantime, operations had been halted. Most of the men who worked there had either already been drafted or were about to be. Things with Polly hadn’t quite been sorted yet so it was better to just close up shop for a bit.

Tommy sat down where he’d left the book of maps, he’d gotten from the library just for his talk with Max. “Alright, let’s see.” He flipped through to find a map of Europe. “Right, see that little island there? That’s where we are, that little dot, Birmingham. That’s where you and mum will be. And I’ll be right over here.” He pointed to France. “That country very close by. So, we won’t be far apart.”

Max leaned forward on the desk to trace the path from Britain to France, bumping into his father’s finger.

“Just a little bit of water that’ll be between us.”

“Can you swim home?” Max asked. The little centimeter of water on the map seemed insignificant to him.

Tommy chuckled. “I don’t think so. But when I come home, I’ll take a ship across the water, then a train to Birmingham. And you and mum will be waiting at the train station, won’t you? You like seeing the trains, aye?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, that’s good because I’ll come home on a train. I’ll come home to you and mum. I promise.”

The days went by too fast. Amelia knew she would never be prepared for the day Tommy left. But she tried her best.

The night before, she held onto Tommy fast as they made love. Their last moment of intimacy for the time being. Halfway through, he looked at her and realized a tear was slipping down her cheek.

“Alright?”

“I’m just trying to make everything last.” She whispered.

He wiped the tear from her cheek. “It’s just a small time apart.” He assured her. “I’ll always find my way back to you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy held Amelia’s hand as they walked to the train station that fateful day. Max was riding on Tommy’s shoulders, oblivious to what was really going on. It didn’t help that John and Arthur were sure they were basically headed for a nice little holiday. They joked that the war would be ended the second they stepped foot in France. Whether it was just being mindless or an attempt to stay sane, no one knew for sure.

Besides, they weren’t the only ones who thought the war would be a quick ordeal. Nothing too difficult, nothing too long. Who could beat the British army?

Tommy was a bit more realistic and somber. He couldn’t be sure of the timeframe they faced. But any number of days away from his wife and son was too many.

They said their goodbyes at the train station, among a sea of families all in the same situation. Martha had a hard time even speaking, she was so overcome with grief. There was only so much John could say to comfort her. Meanwhile, Abigail and Wilbur were much too young to understand.

Polly hugged each of her nephews close and told them to watch after each other.

Amelia kissed Tommy, forcing herself to let go of him when the time came. “Right, Max, say goodbye to daddy, give him a cuddle.”

It seemed to dawn on Max that his father really was leaving. “Daddy.”

Tommy picked up the four-year-old. “Yes?”

“You hafta stay.” Anxiety was starting to creep into the little boy’s voice.

“I want to, Max, I do. But I can’t.” He said gently. “You have to stay here with mum. You watch after her and your cousins, right? Auntie Martha and Auntie Pol? You’ll watch after them too?”

Max hiccupped and began to cry. “No, daddy, stay here!”

“I’ll be back, I promise. I’ll come back home to you and mum. But I have to leave for now.” Tommy met Amelia’s eyes but neither knew what to say to comfort Max.

A loud piercing whistle came from the train. Amelia’s stomach was in knots as she pried her son away from Tommy. Max screamed when his last finger slipped away from Tommy’s uniform.

Amelia wanted to scream too as she watched Tommy, John, and Arthur disappear into the crowd of soldiers. She wanted to scream for him to come back. But instead, she held Max close, her tears falling into his hair.


	15. April 1915

Polly very unceremoniously barged her way into the flat and into Amelia’s bedroom. “Right, up ‘n at ‘em.” She drew back the curtains, letting the early afternoon sun come in.

Amelia groaned and threw a pillow over her face. “Goway.” She muttered.

“It’s been a month you’ve been like this. No more.” Polly yanked the quilt off the bed. “It’s time to take control of your life.”

It felt like agony, but Amelia knew she was right. It had been a month almost to the day since Tommy and the others had left. Birmingham seemed so empty and quiet without the Shelby boys and company running about. She couldn’t stand the empty space. It was driving her near insanity. All she wanted to do was sleep. That was easier, sleeping was easier.

But Polly was right, she had lost control over her life. Max hadn’t even been living with her, he’d been at Six Watery. She couldn’t take care of herself so how was she meant to take care of a four-year-old?

Polly wrestled the pillow away from her. “Up.” She ordered. “I’ve drawn you a bath. I want you dressed and in the betting shop in an hour.”

Amelia sat up with a moping frown. “The betting shop?”

“Yep, we’re opening back up today.”

After a much needed bath, Amelia got dressed and walked over to the betting shop. She went through the foyer and found Max and Abigail playing.

“Mummy!” He exclaimed. His eyes lit up when he saw her.

“Hi, darling.” She felt her eyes well up. God, she felt so selfish for leaving him. First Tommy left and then she’d practically abandoned him for a whole month because of her own grief. She scooped him up and kissed his cheek.

Polly walked into the parlor and smiled. “Glad to see you up.” She said in a gentler voice than when she woke Amelia up.

“Yeah,” Amelia replied quietly and set Max down.

“Come, I’ll show you what I want you to do.”

Polly sat her down at one of the tables and began stacking papers in front of her. Martha was already hard at work at the blackboard, having been learning from Polly for a couple of days. There were a few other women who had been brought on. One of Martha’s sisters, one of Amelia’s colleagues from her time at the grocer, and Barney’s beau. All women who needed the extra money and the work to take their mind off of things. Meanwhile, Finn, only seven, was running bets and coins back and forth, happy to be helping like his older brothers. Polly had made the hard decision of removing him from school. She needed all the help she could get with the shop and the younger children. They had to work as a collective now.

Polly went over the operations, stopping every so often to make sure Amelia understood. It was strange, now learning the work her husband did day in and day out. Of course, there was more to just the math and mechanical work.

A couple of hours later, Amelia was getting the hang of it and she looked up. “Pol?”

“Mhm?” She was counting money like an expert.

“I’m worried about…other bookies.” She kept her language vague so none of the others would pick up on the danger she was implying. Martha was probably the only one who understood, having been married to John.

“Tonight, we’ll go to the yard.” She replied. “I have something to give you and Martha.”

After dinner, the three women went to Charlie’s yard. Neither Martha nor Amelia knew what Polly was planning, but they just went along with it.

On the way, Polly began to explain herself. “I’ve reached out to other rival bookies that Tommy and Arthur had run ins with. We’ve reached an agreement to all stay within our own lanes. We don’t bother them and they don’t bother us. They don’t have enough men to bother anyone anymore. A lot of them have been shipped off.”

Strangely, Amelia wasn’t worried about Polly reaching out to such dangerous men. Out of anyone in the family, she trusted her to be level-headed and reasonable about it. She was a good negotiator; Max actually ate his vegetables when Polly was in charge.

“Don’t blame ‘em,” Martha mumbled. “Who has the heart to fight anymore?”

“Well, that’s one way to think.” Polly agreed. “But we still need to be vigilant.” She opened her coat and pulled out two pistols.

“Polly, I know how to shoot a gun.” Martha rolled her eyes.

“You’ve hunted with rifles before.” Polly corrected. “You need to learn to use this.”

Amelia hesitated when she took the gun. She wanted to argue that there would be no need for such drastic measures, but she couldn’t say for sure. And if it came down to protecting Max, she would do anything it took. “Alright, tell me what I need to know.”

After target practice, Amelia picked up Max from Six Watery and brought him home for the first time in a month. When she opened the door for him, she found the mail on the floor. Max stooped down and picked up the few pieces of mail to give to her.

“Oh, Maxy, thank you.” She cooed and flipped through the envelopes. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw one addressed to her, in Tommy’s handwriting. With her hands shaking, she tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter. “Darling look,” She said in a trembling voice. “Daddy sent us a letter from France.”

“Daddy?” Max bounced up and down.

“Yes.” She locked the door and ushered Max into the sitting room. “Come sit, we’ll read it together.” After turning on a lamp sat down in the armchair, letting him climb into her lap. She unfolded the letter.

“To my dearest Amelia and my beloved Max,” She began, already feeling tears well up in her eyes. She’d never heard him use such flowery language. But perhaps it was the distance that caused the same yearning in him that she felt.

The little boy smiled. “That’s me, mummy!”

“I know.” She laughed softly and pointed to the words as she read. “I’ve left an atlas in the parlor so that you’ll know where I am as I send letters to you.” Amelia lowered the letter for a moment. In her grief, she hadn’t noticed the book sitting on the end table by the sofa. “Max, love, go and get that book so we can see where daddy is.”

Max hopped off her lap to retrieve the book. “S’heavy, mummy.”

“It is.” She got them situated in the armchair again, Max on her lap, the atlas in hand with the letter over the map of France. “Two weeks ago,” She continued Tommy’s letter. “We landed in Le Havre from Southampton. From there, we were in Hébuterne, then move to La Boisselle.” Max followed as she traced her finger from dot to dot. “I’m here with Uncle Arthur and Uncle John. Also, Barney, Danny, and Jeremiah. Freddie as well. It’s nice to have familiar faces. They’ve all given their love. I hope to hear from you soon. If it’s not too much trouble, I would like to carry a photograph of you both along with me. It would be nice to have a piece of home to always keep with me.” Amelia paused when she noticed a line that had been drawn across the parchment.

_Do not read anything below this line to Max._

Her stomach flipped but she skipped the large portion of the letter and went to the bottom where he signed.

“I miss you both so much and hope to see you soon. I love you both very much. Yours, Tommy.” Amelia swallowed her tears and kissed Max’s hair. “Isn’t it nice to hear from him?”

“Yeah.” Max was starting to lose interest and he yawned. “When will we see daddy?” 

“I don’t know yet, poppet.” She admitted quietly. “I hope soon.”

He cuddled close to her his eyelids starting to droop. “I miss him.”

“I do too.”

After Amelia tucked Max into bed, she retreated to her bedroom. She brought Tommy’s letter back out to read the rest of what he had to write.

_I don’t want to worry you. I don’t think it’s fair, but I have to be honest. Before I left, Polly said I should be honest when I write to you. I won’t lie to you when I say that this situation seems far graver than people at home assumed. There are certain things that I already wish I could unsee. I don’t want to worry you with the details. But I must tell you that before I left, I detailed my wishes to Polly. Should I die, she knows what to do. You and Max will be taken care of. It pains me to write this, knowing I’m not there to comfort you. But I just needed to make sure you knew._

_You’re on my mind every second of every day. I will continue to fight so I can come back to you. I love you._

“Oh, Tommy.” She whispered, tears now freely falling. “Please come home.”

“Mel.” Martha reached across the table to poke her sister-in-law awake.

“Hm? Oh, sorry.” Amelia had started to doze off in the betting shop the next morning. “I was up late. I got a letter Tommy sent.”

“I got John’s letter too.” Martha nodded. “I was up all night crying. Poor Abigail, didn't understand what was going on." 

“Max just wanted to know when he was going to come home. I don't even know what to tell him anymore. I don't want to lie but..." Exhausted, she rubbed her eyes. "When I thought about raising a child, I never thought I would be doing it under these circumstances. I never imagined." 

Martha touched her hand. “We’ll get through this. There’s a silver lining, I promise.” She smiled sadly.

Later that day, Polly asked Amelia to go out and run an errand. Needing some time to herself, she left Max with his cousins. While on her way to the bullring, she noticed a group of men lingering by the betting shop. She paid them no mind, but could feel their eyes on her.

On her way back, they were still there and she got a sinking feeling of discomfort. Trying to walk straight past them, she kept her head down.

“Oi, love, where you off to? Come have a chat!”

She felt her skin crawl with the unwanted attention but she tried to make it seem as though she hadn’t even heard him.

He whistled at her. “We won’t bite! Just come over and say hi.”

Feeling humiliated, Amelia tried to keep from acknowledging them. Then, one of the others spoke up.

“Shut the fuck up!” He hissed at his mate. “That’s Tommy Shelby’s wife.”

Out of curiosity, she looked up to finally meet their gaze. All of them went ashen in the face. Amelia was almost stunned into silence. Tommy’s reputation had grown so strong in Small Heath that it was carrying over to her.

“Pardon us, Mrs. Shelby, sorry.” The cat-caller averted his eyes as if she were some sort of royalty.

Before she could say anything, the men decided it was wise to leave. Feeling oddly empowered, Amelia headed back inside to the betting shop.


	16. June 1915

Two more months went by. Amelia heard often from Tommy. Every week or two she received a letter and replied immediately. She told him about everything she could think of. Anything that might bring a smile to his face, to ease his burden. Whatever she could do to remind him of home and give him hope for the future. She told him the funny things Max did, the little quirks in his blossoming personality.

_He refuses to go to bed unless I’ve checked under his bed for monsters. I think Finn might have been telling him some stories._

_He’s fascinated by baby Wilbur. I don’t think he believes me when I tell him he was a baby once. His reasoning is, if he can’t remember it, it never happened. I showed him the photograph of when he was a baby, only six months old. He couldn’t be convinced that it was him._

_It’s strange. It feels so long ago, yet, it only feels like it was yesterday. I often wonder where all that time went._

“Breakfast, Mel?” Martha was in the kitchen when Amelia and Max came into Six Watery.

She went to answer that, no she wasn't feeling very well so she didn't have much of an appetite. But instead, she was immediately hit with a strong smell. Her stomach turned and she dropped Max’s hand so she could rush upstairs to the bathroom.

Polly heard retching from down the hall, so went to investigate. “Oh, heavens.” She found Amelia at the toilet. “Easy.” She soothed and pulled the young woman’s hair back away from her face. Dread came over the woman as she realized her earlier intuitions were confirmed. “Dear, I think you and I need to have a talk.”

“Letter, Tom.”

Tommy took the letter from the passing soldier and felt relief wash over him. The same relief he got every time Amelia’s letters arrived. Despite being in the middle of trench warfare, he had her letters to keep him sane.

_Tommy,_

_I must admit it hasn’t gotten much easier these last few weeks. I still miss you more than I can ever describe. Everything reminds me of you. Max always asks for you. It’s hard to bear sometimes. But I manage to get through every day._

_I have news. I want so desperately to be happy but I’m so heartbroken that you aren’t here so I can tell you in person. But Polly believes I’m pregnant. It may be too early to know, but I don’t want to question her either. The signs seem to match up with the timing._

_I don’t know how to feel any more if I’m being honest. I need to hear back from you as soon as possible. I hope you and everyone else is safe. I miss you all. I will write you a longer letter when I've gathered my thoughts. But for now, I needed you to hear the news._

_Love, Amelia_

Tommy wasn’t sure what to say as he stared blankly at his wife's handwriting. The urgency he felt to return home was only heightened. He carefully folded up the letter and put it in his rucksack.

“Tom?” Arthur was sitting nearby, his back up against the wall of the trench.

“Mel’s pregnant.” He replied before his brother even needed to ask what was wrong.

He frowned and passed his brother a cigarette. “You think she’s going behind your back while you’re away?”

“No.” Tommy shook his head adamantly. He took the cigarette and lit it with a match. “She’d never do that. Never. It makes sense, I suppose.” He mumbled to himself. “She’d be about three months along.”

Arthur nodded. “Well, guess we can try to get you back by the time the baby’s born.” He smiled slightly, trying to give his brother hope.

But there was little hope left in the trenches. In those damn tunnels. At that point, Tommy could only hope he found his way back to Birmingham alive. Asking for anything else would be wishful.

Around five at night, Polly closed up the betting shop. The other girls had gone home but Martha and Amelia remained.

“Well, Pol, you did say she could have the next baby,” Martha said, trying to keep the atmosphere light. In all other times, the news of a baby would be such a happy occasion. But those days, nothing seemed to be good news.

Amelia tried to laugh but she couldn’t even muster a smile. Every muscle in her body felt heavy. There was no use trying anymore. “I feel like such a monster.” She mumbled.

“Why?” Her sister-in-law asked.

“Because I don’t want to be pregnant.” She put down her pencil to rub her tired eyes. “I don’t want to be pregnant without Tommy here. I’m not ready to raise two children alone.”

“You’re not alone.” Polly insisted as she walked over to the table, setting the keys down.

“You know what I mean.”

Martha looked to Polly, sharing a concerned look. It would only be a harder pregnancy if Amelia fought herself the whole time. They couldn’t make it any easier for her though. They couldn’t magically wish Tommy home. If they could, the war would’ve ended weeks ago. It never would have started to begin with.

“You told him?” Polly asked, sitting down.

“I sent a letter two days ago. I haven’t told Max. I don’t know what to even say.”

“You don’t have to think about it right away. You have plenty of time.”

Amelia nodded but she disagreed. Six months wasn’t enough time. She hoped every day that she’d get the news Tommy was coming home. But for whatever reason, maybe common sense, she didn’t see him home by the time six months was up. With every passing day, it felt like more and more time would pass before she saw him again.

Tears flooded her eyes as the worst scenarios came to the forefront of her mind. “What if it’s years?” She let out a quiet sob. “What would I ever say to the child? What if he never comes home?”

“Hush, now.” Polly wrapped an arm around her. “There’s no need to think of such things.” She soothed even though she knew these things were not outside the realm of possibilities. “You know that stress will only make things more difficult for you. You need to remain optimistic. You have a family that will be with you the whole way.”

Amelia’s image kept invading Tommy’s nightmares. This would be startling alone because he never associated her with terror. She had always been a dream come true. But in the trenches, she joined his worst fears.

He saw her face on the soldiers who he’d seen die. He heard her voice screaming for him from the depths of the tunnels. The worst one came after a few days of little to no sleep. He finally got a chance for shut-eye and his worst fears descended upon him.

Amelia had come into view, looking as she normally did back home. But in her arms, she was carrying Max.

_Help_

Max was torn apart, almost as if he was mauled by a wild animal. Blood poured down Amelia’s arms as she carried their son to him.

_Help_

Tommy couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything to save his son.

_Help_

As she got closer, Tommy could see Max was still alive. His eyes were open and he was breathing.

_Daddy?_

Tommy awoke in a cold sweat, screaming. It took both Jeremiah and Danny to quiet him and stop him from thrashing around. From that point on, Tommy never wanted to sleep again.

“Hold still, Max.”

“Mummy, I want to see it!”

“No, love, this isn’t our camera. We can’t break it. Now, please stay still.”

“Mummy, I won’t break it, I wanna see it!”

“Max.” Amelia looked up from the camera lens with a stern look. “I said no. Now please, stand still. If you’re moving all over the place then the photograph will come out blurry.”

The little boy crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. His mother raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that what you want to send to daddy? You want to send him a photograph of you making a face?” It was difficult to be frustrated with him. Such a sweet little boy with chocolate-colored waves of hair and lovely hazel eyes. Even when he made such a face, he was precious. Truly, he was the apple of Amelia’s eye.

Max pulled a pout for another few moments before deciding to smile.

“There’s a good boy. Now, stand still for just a second. I want to make sure it comes out perfect for daddy.”

It had been a week and she had yet to hear back from Tommy regarding her letter about the pregnancy. But Amelia was trying to stay optimistic. It usually took a week for the letter to get to Tommy, and another week to get a response, should he write back immediately. Usually, he did. But she figured that maybe this time, he would need some time to think. It couldn’t be easy to process such information. Amelia was still having a hard time thinking about the baby and she wasn’t in the middle of an active battlefield.

She had already sent a picture of herself and Max before but they were ones she already had. The one of Max was only a few months after he was born. She borrowed a camera from a friend to send a more updated photograph.

A couple of days later, as she tucked the photographs into an envelope along with a letter, Amelia thought about what Tommy might do when he opened it. She longed to see the smile on his face when he saw the picture of Max doing his best to stay perfectly still for the camera. Maybe he would show the others around him. She longed to see the pride in his eyes when he told the other soldiers that was his son. His Max. Maybe he’d tell him the news. His Amelia was pregnant again. He’d be having another child. Perhaps he’d speculate. Wonder if it was a girl this time or another boy.

A teardrop fell onto the envelope as Amelia sat at her desk in the betting shop. If she couldn’t be there for him, to comfort him, then the least she could do was try to put a smile on his face. Even for the briefest of moments.


	17. June-September 1915

Max found Polly in the betting shop one morning. “Auntie Pol, mummy’s gotten sick again.”

“It’s okay, love. It’s natural.” Polly assured the little boy. “Come sit with me, I’m sure she’ll be down in a moment.”

“’Cause of the baby?” He asked, climbing up onto Polly’s lap as she worked in her office.

“Yes, darling. But she’ll be alright.”

They had told Max about the baby a little while after they got Tommy’s letter back. Though it was bittersweet, Tommy remarked that he was happy and hoped that he would be home soon. Though he didn’t give false hope about being there in time for the birth. At that point in Amelia’s pregnancy, everyone had given up hope on that happening. Especially as more news about the war hit the homefront. And more men were starting to come back.

It was horrifying. Men burned, deformed, missing limbs. Their stories started to circulate around Birmingham, the things they’d seen. The things they’d done, what others had done. The horrors they’d witnessed. Knowing the Shelby boys were in the middle of all of that, made Amelia sick to her stomach. She began to go to church with Polly every week. But it never seemed to be enough, so she started to go multiple times a week, sometimes every morning. Even when there was no service, she would go and sit in the empty church and pray.

She was never particularly religious. Her parents seemed indifferent to the church, as they were more focused on succeeding in life. They never saw prayer or submission to God as a way to move up in the world.

Amelia felt almost guilty that she was trying to use religion. Trying to comfort herself with prayers to a God she never really believed in. But at that point, she felt so helpless that she needed to do something.

The priest of the church began to recognize her as she went to church more often. He offered to sit with her for company.

At first, Amelia just agreed to let him sit with her. Then, she began to tell him about her fears and her doubts.

Telling a man of the cloth about her lack of faith was a bit funny to her. But Father Carr didn’t seem to mind. 

“Sometimes I think that it’s all just a cruel joke,” Amelia admitted one day. Max was with Martha and the betting shop was quiet, so she took the free time to visit the church. “To take Tommy away from me while I’m pregnant.”

“Some things are hard to explain. We ask why God would allow for war to happen. We ask why he allows hardship in our lives. It is beyond our knowledge. Sometimes, religion doesn’t have all the answers like some people think.”

Amelia looked up at the stained-glass windows that allowed some of the dim light to come in. The particles of light mixed with the hazy smoke from the candles lit at the altar. “I just want him to come home to me.”

Danny Owens was the first in the Small Heath group to get seriously injured. While out of the tunnels, in one of the trenches, he was hit by a piece of an artillery shell.

“For fuck’s sake, if you’re gonna get injured, don’t get hit in the neck,” Arthur said as he held a shirt to Danny’s wound right at the base of his neck.

“It just grazed me,” Danny replied, trying his best to stay calm and breathe.

“It’ll be okay.” John kept him propped up so he wouldn’t bleed to death.

They all learned early on that no one liked tunnelers. They were seen as a danger if they were nearby. So, no one liked to see them in the trenches. That meant they had to take care of themselves and each other.

“Hold ‘im still,” Jeremiah commanded as he examined the wound, dowsing it in alcohol.

Danny let out a scream through his gritted teeth as he fought John and Arthur’s hold.

“No more getting hit with whizz-bangs, Danny,” Tommy commanded, holding Danny’s feet down so he didn’t kick anyone.

“Yeah, or else we’ll start calling ya that.” John grinned.

The men chuckled, even getting a bit of a smile from Danny. “Alright.” 

It became clear after the first trimester, that this pregnancy would not be as easy as Max’s had been. Amelia began to have spells of dizziness and nausea that could last for days. Polly said it was because of stress, so she tried her best to keep the woman calm and at ease. But there was nothing she could do about the boys still being over in France.

Everyone was frightened, even Amelia although she wouldn’t admit it. She felt afraid that she was failing her second child before they were even born.

Max was starting to pick up on the anxiety around his mother and became very clingy to her. He would wail and cry if she was even in the next room. She couldn’t leave him for more than half an hour before he would panic. He began to sleep in her bed, terrified she would disappear in the middle of the night.

“He doesn’t want you to go anywhere.” Polly surmised one afternoon when Amelia could finally get the young boy to go down for a nap. “He remembers Tommy leaving so he doesn’t want you to leave either.”

Amelia felt so helpless. She couldn’t even comfort her own child because the world was in such chaos.

Polly had to stop her from reading the news or listening to the radio. She wrote to Tommy telling him to keep his letters to his wife light. She said Amelia couldn’t handle any bad news.

On Max’s sixth birthday, Amelia tried her best to keep everything together. She threw together a party. Polly closed the shop for the day and all their friends and family gathered. Well, the friends and family that were still there and not serving overseas.

Amelia bought toys for Max, some she signed ‘daddy’, just so her son felt like Tommy was near. He had already sent a letter wishing his son a happy birthday and wishing he could be there to celebrate. Max seemed sad his father couldn’t come to attend the party, but it wasn’t any different to any ordinary day. It had been over a year since the Shelby boys had left. Next March would mark two years.

On the morning of the party, Amelia found Max looking at a picture of Tommy in his uniform.

“You alright, love?” She asked softly. “Are you excited for your birthday?”

“Yeah.” He replied quietly, his mind off wandering.

“What are you doing with daddy’s picture?” She wondered.

“Dunno. Just looking.” He shrugged, not looking away. “Don’t wanna forget what he looks like.”

Amelia couldn’t shake that feeling of heartache the rest of the day. Even during the festivities and among familiar faces. She felt utterly alone.

After Max had opened all his gifts, everyone was sitting in the parlor enjoying each other’s company. Amelia felt distant, standing near the couch, half-listening to the conversations around her.

Then, she picked up on a conversation Charlie was having with one of the Strong men who had come to celebrate with them.

“Yeah, right on Farringdon. Those fuckers.” Charlie muttered. “Twenty-two people dead. Only a matter of time they set their sights on Birmingham.”

“For fuck’s sake.” The other man shook his head. “Thought this was a war among countries, not a war on the innocents. They wanna bomb each other, go ahead, but they can’t be fucking bombing regular people like us.”

Without having much access to the news under Polly’s advice, Amelia hadn’t heard of the bombings or attempted bombings on British soil. Suddenly, shock and panic overtook her entire body. It felt like her heart stopped completely and her vision went black.

Luckily, Charlie was able to catch the pregnant woman before she hit her head on the coffee table. The party ceased the fun and immediately rushed to Amelia’s aid. Polly shoved to the front and checked on her.

“Call a doctor!” She shouted when she saw Amelia’s pale face.

Max began to cry for his mum as Ada comforted her nephew best she could.


	18. September-December 1915

Disoriented and dizzy, Amelia woke up on the parlor floor.

“Easy, Mrs. Shelby.” The doctor from down the road was kneeling beside her. The rest of the party guests were hovering near to make sure she was okay. Polly was holding Amelia’s hand, looking concerned.

“We should bring her to the hospital.” Tommy’s aunt said quietly.

“It would be easier to monitor her.” The doctor agreed.

“Pol…” Amelia groaned. “Can’t afford a hospital.”

“Yes, we can,” Polly assured her. “Come now, just take a few deep breaths.”

Amelia could hear Max in the other room where Ada had taken him. He was crying and calling her name. “My baby.” She whimpered. “Bring him here, please.”

“It’s okay, love.”

“Polly, please.”

She sighed softly. “Finn, go get your sister and Max.”

“Mrs. Shelby, I think Polly raises a good point. She said this pregnancy hasn’t been easy on you. Perhaps you need some time to relax in the hospital. Let us take care of you for a couple of days.” 

Ada came in with Max who rushed to his mother. “Mummy!” He cried.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” Amelia sat up and embraced him tightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Mummy will always be here.”

~~~~~~~~~ 

Polly convinced Amelia to go to the hospital later that day. She couldn’t relax though and felt worried that she wasn’t home to watch over her son. The doctors said stress was only harming her and the baby. But Amelia felt there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Just like everything else, she felt helpless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been almost a month since Tommy had the time to receive any letters. He was so deep in the tunnels for hours on end. Any free time he had was spent getting a minimal amount of sleep. So, he received three letters all at once.

One from Amelia saying everything was going well.

One from Ada saying she missed her brothers.

And finally, one from Polly saying Amelia wasn’t doing well.

“What are you doing?” Arthur asked.

Tommy opened his eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Thought you were falling asleep on me.” His older brother tried to crack a smile. But there was hardly anything to smile about anymore. Almost two years into the war and their spirits were being broken bit by bit. Something they all thought would be impossible. It seemed nothing could break the Shelby boys. But they were broken and they hadn’t even seen the worst of what was to come.

“Pol sent a letter about Mel,” Tommy muttered. “Said she fainted, s’been sick and all sorts.”

“It’s the baby?” Arthur wondered.

“No. It’s because of me. She can’t handle the stress. She needs me. Max needs me and look where I am, brother.” Tommy tried to wipe the grime and dirt from his face.

“Well, this ain’t exactly a holiday, Tom.” Arthur reminded him gently. “You didn’t choose this, none of us did. I know you would walk home right now if you could. Now, Mel…Polly will help her. You know Pol. It’ll be alright. Soon you’ll be getting a picture of the new baby, aye? All healthy and ready to meet his dad.”

Tommy looked down at the letter that he was folding and unfolding in his hands. “Pol says it’s going to be a girl.”

“A girl. Well, that’s rare for Shelbys, innit? Ada’ll be happy don’t you think? Polly too, think she’s tired of us Shelby boys.”

“Don’t blame her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Dear Amelia,_

_Polly told me about our baby girl who should be born in December. It would be quite a thing if she was born on Christmas? Nice Christmas gift. Could tell Max that Father Christmas sent her. What has he thought about the whole matter? I can imagine he might be a little jealous, he’s used to having all of his mum’s attention. But I think he’ll be a good brother. Ada said he likes to be around his cousins and Finn. That they all seem to get along._

_It’s hard to imagine how much they’ve all grown since we’ve left. Ada’s practically grown. Reading her letter was funny, to hear her talk about boys and politics all in the same letter. I think she’s too bright for her own good._

_I also heard Finn has become the man of the house. That must be a sight. Poor kid doesn’t know what it really means to be a Shelby man. I’m sure if he knew, he wouldn’t want to be one of us._

_I miss you and I hope you’re doing better. Please try not to worry about me and the rest of the boys. We’re doing alright. Please watch after yourself and the baby._

_Give Max my love,_

_Tommy_

_~~~~~~~~~~_

Polly tried to get Amelia to stay at Six Watery Lane for the last couple of months of her pregnancy. She argued that if anything were to happen, she would be right down the hall. But Amelia was still slightly in denial. For whatever reason, she felt as if she was stuck in some sort of limbo. Though her stomach grew, she felt sure that the baby wouldn’t be born until Tommy returned.

A dangerous mentality that both Martha and Polly tried to snap her out of. And a mentality that woke her in the middle of the night. Her sheets had been soaked with her water and she felt a painful pressure in her lower abdomen.

“No…” She felt tears in her eyes almost immediately. It was the first realization that her child would be born and Tommy wouldn’t be there.

Silently crying in pain and anguish, she put on a coat and made her way downstairs. She knew she could leave Max asleep in his bed until Martha could go over to get him. Amelia didn’t want him to see her in such a state.

In the dead of night, Amelia wobbled over to Six Watery Lane, banging on the door as she clutched her stomach. A light turned on upstairs and Polly came to the window.

“Amelia?”

“Pol, the baby’s coming.” She let out a sob.

Polly immediately went into midwife mode. She brought Amelia into the sitting room. “Sit and breathe. I’ll get Martha.”

“Max is home still. Go get him first.”

“I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”

“Polly, get my son first.” Amelia urged.

Irrational as the woman in labor was, Polly couldn’t argue with a mother’s intuition. So, she called for Martha to get Max.

Meanwhile, Amelia pulled off her jacket and tried to regulate her breathing. “Pol, I thought he would be here.”

Polly was flitting back and forth between the kitchen and sitting room, getting prepared. “I know, love. But he’s not. We’ll get through this without him, I promise you.”

Martha returned with Max in her arms. And although he looked sleepy, he still asked after Amelia.

“Mummy is okay,” Martha promised, but she was worried. She wasn’t sure how the children were going to remain blissfully unaware that Amelia was giving birth just downstairs. So, she put Max in Finn’s bed before going to fetch Ada.

The teenager yawned as she went downstairs with Martha to help Polly with the delivery. “Is it gross?”

“Is what gross?” Martha replied.

“Birth?”

Martha sighed. “Yes, but you can’t say anything. Just hold her hand.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Early in the morning, Amelia delivered her daughter. The amount of blood from the delivery concerned Polly enough to call in the same doctor they had called months ago. But he reassured them that it was normal. It was just a scary end to a traumatic pregnancy.

Max, unbeknownst to the women, was sitting on the bottom step. He was terrified but waited until Martha came to get him.

“Do you want to meet your baby sister, Max?” She asked softly.

He wiped his eyes and nodded. “Is mummy okay?”

“Yes, she’s okay.”

Max took her hand and walked into the sitting room where Amelia was sitting, cradling her daughter to her chest.

“Max.” She smiled; though her eyes exhausted. “Come meet your sister.” She beckoned.

“She’s here?” He approached the sofa and peered over at the little baby all swaddled.

“Yes, she’s here. This is Annie, your baby sister.”

~~~~~~~~~~

_Dear Tommy,_

_I’m sure you’ve been anxiously awaiting the news, now it’s here. Annie Elizabeth Shelby was born on December 4 th at six in the morning. She’s about six and a half pounds and is healthy. Both she and Amelia are resting now. Mel wanted me to write to you right away though so you’d find out as soon as possible. Pol, Martha, and I helped deliver her at home. It didn’t take too long; Amelia was strong through it all. _

_We’ll send pictures as soon as we’re able._

_Love, Ada_

Tommy was almost killed before the letter even got to him. In the depths of the tunnels, the Brummies were moving quietly, following the lantern light held above their heads by Danny. Danny led them through, giving hand signals to alert them.

Tommy was exhausted. He hadn’t slept properly in days, every muscle in his body ached. His face was covered in dirt and sweat but he had to push through.

Muffled thuds against the dirt walls began to come closer. The first attack was laid on Danny and they all erupted into battle. Blindsided, Tommy was taken into a chokehold. Panic swept over him and he began to thrash against his assailant. His breathing became shallower and more strained. 

Amelia.

He promised he would return to her. He promised.

He promised Max he would return.

_“But when I come home, I’ll take a ship across the water, then a train to Birmingham. And you and mum will be waiting at the train station, won’t you?”_

_I’ll take a ship across the water. Then a train to Birmingham._

_Ship. Then a train._

_You and mum will be waiting._

_They’ll be waiting for me._

The pressure on his neck suddenly released and Tommy fell to the ground gasping for air. He tried to get back on his feet, stumbling over his own feet, one hand on his bruised throat.

The activity around him calmed as the German tunnelers were killed. Danny helped Tommy up.

“You okay, Tom?”

He nodded, not sure if he could talk yet.

“Quick thinking Danny, boy.” Freddie clapped the man on the back. “You owe him your life, Tom.”

“Thank you.” Tommy rasped.

Danny wiped the blood from his hands. “You would’ve done the same for me.”


	19. January-November 1916

_Dear Amelia,_

_I got the photograph of Annie and Max together. I can’t believe how much they’ve both grown. I hope Max is being good to his sister. At least he’s been around John’s kids before._

_Have you made any New Years' resolutions? Not that you need to change anything. I’ve always thought you were perfect. Much too good for me and much too good for Small Heath. I promise that once I come home, we’ll get business going and start making real money. Then I’ll buy you that house out in the countryside. Nice big lawn for Max and Annie to play. We’ll have a stable full of horses. I think it’ll be nice. I want to give you what you deserve. I want to make up for lost time._

_Tell Max and Annie I love them very much and I hope to be home soon. I’m hoping that at least Annie doesn’t remember me ever being gone. Maybe when I come back, she’ll be young enough that she won’t remember ever being apart from her dad. I’d hope for the same for Max but he’s grown up so much since I’ve left. And what you’ve been saying about him asking after me. I’m afraid he’ll never forget this. I just hope that I can make it up to him when I return. And to you._

_I love you very much._

_Yours,_

_Tommy_

Since Ada was old enough to look after the kids, Martha and Polly swapped turns staying over at Amelia’s at night. With a young child and a newborn, they figured she needed some extra help. Especially since Amelia seemed to be stuck in deep sadness. It was clear she was doing everything she could to be the best mother possible for her son and daughter. But all of her energy and time went into them and her work in the betting shop. She hardly gave herself another thought, struggling to take care of herself most days. She never slept more than a few hours at a time, even if Polly or Martha was there to stay up with the baby if needed. She was growing thin because she had no interest in eating. Everything about her just seemed to dull. Her hair, her eyes, her skin. She looked lifeless.

What was more, Polly knew she was lying to Tommy. She snooped a bit and read an unfinished letter that Amelia was writing to her husband. It was full of pleasantries and lies about her well being. She wrote about how wonderful the children were and how much they were growing each day. She wrote about the business doing well. Wrote about Ada and Finn. Polly and Martha. Abigail and Wilbur. Then, she wrote one brief sentence about herself.

_I’m doing well._

Neither Tommy nor Amelia knew that they were both having hauntingly similar dreams in the brief bouts of sleep they got. Each of them had vivid nightmares about losing the other in a haze of darkness. They would scream and yell for each other but there was no answer. They woke up in a sweat, almost in tears. It felt so real. Amelia swore she could smell Tommy’s cigarettes. And he was certain he could smell her perfume.

Neither of them told a soul about the night terrors. They simply went on about their days, hoping that when night came, they wouldn’t have another dream. But it was inevitable.

After a few months of Amelia’s depressive state, Max was starting to act out. It appeared he was picking up on his mother’s sadness and as a young child, it was frightening. He would have outbursts of screaming and tears at a moment’s notice. Any little thing could set him off. He often went off on Finn who had always been like an older brother to him.

One day, things took a turn for the worst. Amelia was in the betting shop with the rest of the girls while Ada watched the children. She began to hear shouting and crying.

“Enough!” Ada snapped from the parlor. “Max, get off!”

Amelia got up to see what was going on. She found the sitting room had been turned into a warzone. Ada was holding back Max who was wailing and writhing in her arms. Finn was standing a few feet away, looking dazed with a bloody lip.

“What’s going on?” She gasped.

“Max hit me!” Finn exclaimed.

Amelia looked aghast. “Maxwell? Did you hit Finn?” She knelt down on the ground in front of him.

Ada let go of him, confident Amelia could handle him. “I don’t even know what set him off.” She sighed in disappointment.

“Max, we do not hit people. That’s very naughty.” She scolded. The young boy’s face was going purple as he cried and tried to push his mother away. “What has gotten into you lately?”

Overwhelmed and exhausted from overexerting himself, Max went limp. Amelia pulled him into her arms, cradling him close like she did when he was just a baby.

“I miss daddy!” He sobbed.

She felt tears well up in her eyes as she held him tightly. “I know, darling. I miss him too.” She tried to hold steady, to show him that she was strong. He needed someone to have strength. But she felt as if she fell short.

“Why can’t he come home? S’not fair!” He wailed. He was getting so worked up he was practically shaking in Amelia’s arms.

“You’re right, it’s not fair.” She rubbed his back. “It’s not fair at all. But it’s something we have to live with. We have to stay strong for daddy. I want him home too, but I know he’s keeping us all safe.” Her words felt so hollow. Amelia had become so jaded with the war. The toll was far greater than anyone expected. Was she just meant to stand around and wait for the news while holding her breath? Was she supposed to hope for the best? Was she supposed to prepare for the worst? What was she supposed to tell her son if Tommy died in France? How could she ever help him understand?

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she rocked back and forth with Max clinging to her. Some days it felt like her children were the only things keeping her tied to the Earth. Otherwise, she was afraid she might just lose her mind completely.

One Sunday afternoon, Ada came over to visit Max and Annie. She spent the day at Amelia’s playing with her nephew and cooing over her niece. When Max and Annie were put down for a nap, Amelia made tea for them both.

“Who are you writing to?” Amelia wondered.

Ada was sat at the kitchen table, adding to an already lengthy letter with a couple of pages. Immediately the young woman looked up, her face turning red. “Erm…well.” She sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell you but you can’t tell anyone. Not even Polly.”

“I’m not a gossip, Ada. You know you can tell me anything.”

“Well…it’s to Freddie.” She finally admitted with a shy look. “John said he doesn’t get many letters because his mother is ill and his father passed away. So, I started to write to him.”

“Oh.” Amelia knew there was something else Ada wasn’t saying. “And you fancy him then?”

“Mel!” She cried.

“I’m just asking! I mean, you’ve known him practically your whole life.” Amelia thought out loud as she poured tea for them both. “Bit older than you.”

Ada rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, he’s only seven years older than me. And I’m an adult so I can make my own decisions.” She replied, lifting her chin.

“Yet, you want to keep it a secret.” Amelia sat down beside her sister-in-law, remarking silently at how much Ada had written.

She huffed. “Because me stupid brothers would never let me see him. They’re too protective.”

“They’re only looking out for your best interest.”

“They’re being nosy.”

“Alright, alright.” Amelia laughed softly. “I’m sure Freddie appreciates your letters.”

“Oh, Mel, he’s so clever.” Ada gushed. It seemed she was glad for someone to confide in about her secret romance. But her face fell. “I just…I hope he comes home. It would be so awful to have this relationship with him and then-” Her voice faltered and her eyes went down to her letter. “I’m so worried about all of them. I don’t know if I could bear losing any of them. I think about it all the time. I’m worried every time Polly gets the mail.”

Amelia knew exactly what she was talking about. She had to steel herself every day while getting the mail. She prayed that she wouldn’t get that damn letter. The one telling her that her husband had been killed. Somedays, she couldn’t even get herself to pick up the little pile of letters by the front door.

“Do you think they’ll come home soon?”

Amelia swallowed and nodded. “I think so. The war can’t go on forever.”

**Great British Offensive**

**Attack On A 20 Mile Front**

**German Trenches Occupied**

In mid-summer, Amelia read the headline. Her eyes scanned for the usual markers that told her whether or not the news could affect Tommy.

Somme.

“Pol, that’s where the boys are.” She pushed the newspaper toward Polly who was sitting at the front table in the betting shop.

She took the paper. “What did I tell you about reading the news? It’ll only make you more stressed.” She chided gently. “There’s no need to get up in arms about news like this. If there is anything to do with them, we’ll get a letter.”

“I feel like I’m going crazy. Tommy won’t tell me anything. It’s as if he’s gone on holiday, just sitting around doing nothing. I _know_ that’s not the case.” She replied.

Polly sighed. “Sit down.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re having a conversation, sit down.”

Amelia listened, but her heart rate was starting to pick up. “Polly, what?”

“I wrote to Tommy months ago, a long time before Annie was born. I told him to be light on the details when he wrote to you.” She confessed.

“Light on the…you mean he doesn’t tell me anything because you went behind my back?” Amelia instantly put up her defenses. It was her only coping mechanism other than shutting the world out.

“I was looking out for your best interest. You couldn’t have stress with the baby and now you…well, I don’t think you could handle such news.” Polly replied frankly.

“You have no right to intrude on my relationship like that!” Amelia snapped. “What I discuss with my husband is my business, no one else’s.”

“I was only trying to help.”

“Well, I’m glad that Tommy will listen to you. And I’m so glad that everyone around me wants to coddle me like I’m so fragile. I’ve survived because I’m resilient, Polly. If I was so fragile, I would’ve broken years ago. But I’m still here! I have two kids and my husband is fighting overseas. I’m still here though and I’m still fighting. So, think about that next time you decide to censor my life.” She stood up quickly and left the shop.

The battle raged until November. Tommy kept fighting with the pictures of Amelia, Max, and Annie, in his breast pocket. Even at his darkest moments, when he wanted to give in, he kept at it. Even when his muscles screamed for relief, or when he was fighting through the mud, he continued on.

It was lucky they all made it out alive, even though there were some close calls. John had broken an arm, Arthur was shot in the shoulder, Freddie took a nasty bayonet wound to the stomach, and Jeremiah had been hit with shrapnel. They tried to keep their spirits up, but after the battle, they had all changed so drastically.

One night in the trenches, Arthur and Tommy were chatting quietly. Neither could sleep with the persistent sound of gunfire all around them.

“Don’t even think Mel will recognize me,” Tommy muttered as he cleaned his rifle. “Won’t be the same man returning.”

“Nothing’ll change, Tom.” His brother tried to reassure him. “You’re still Tommy Shelby. That’s not gonna change.” 

He shook his head. “Already have changed, brother. We all have. We can’t just leave this behind when we go home? How do you think that’ll work, aye? We just pretend none of this happened?”

Arthur’s brow wrinkled but he couldn’t come up with an argument. He knew Tommy was right.

“M’fraid I’ll go back and she’ll realize that I’m not the same person. That she won’t like the person that I am. Maybe she’ll leave, take the kids with her.” He mumbled.

“Enough of that. You’re only thinking of ways to punish yourself when you ain’t done nothing wrong. Put that shit outta your head, okay? Mel will always love you, you know that.”

Tommy stared at his rifle, all sorts of thoughts were running through his head. “And what if I don’t go home at all? What if I don’t make it out of here?”

Arthur was obviously concerned with his brother’s thoughts but he couldn’t blame him either. The battle had taken a lot out of them. All of them saw the potential of death. There was no fooling themselves. Anyone of them had a good chance of never making it out of those tunnels. “You just keep your head up, aye? We’ve made it this far, we’ll keep going.” He said gently. “Just got to keep your hopes high.”

Tommy heard him but wasn’t sure he believed.


	20. December 1916-April 1917

When the holidays began to creep up on them again, Amelia found herself in a state of denial. She refused to take part in any celebration that Polly put together before Christmas. She was in such a state, refusing to believe that she would be celebrating another Christmas without Tommy. Refusing to believe that her daughter was already turning one. One-year-old and had never met her father.

The world was far too cruel. She was finding it hard to take part in the mundane aspects of life. Cleaning the kitchen after dinner, tucking Max and Annie into bed, dusting the house, keeping up with the race odds. All the actions she found comforting before now seemed meaningless. How was it that she was expected to go about her normal life when everything was turned upside down? That her husband was fighting for his life for a government that never gave two shits about them.

Polly set up a birthday party for Annie but Amelia was hesitant.

“I’ll bring Max and Annie over but I don’t think I can stay, Pol." She mumbled over the phone. The two had a bit of a strained relationship when Amelia discovered what Polly had told Tommy. Polly encouraged Amelia to take control of her own life, but Amelia was exhausted. It felt useless trying to pretend like everything was okay by going about her usual tasks in life.

“It’s a family occasion, Amelia, you ought to be there,” Polly replied. “Please, come.”

“I just can’t pretend anymore. I can’t sit there acting like everything’s okay and perfect.”

“No one is asking you to pretend everything is perfect.” Polly sounded annoyed. Maybe it wasn’t fair to be upset with her, but she felt they were all in the same boat. . “We’re just trying to make the best of a bad situation. It’s your daughter’s first birthday, it’s something to celebrate.”

“But he won’t be there.”

“Tommy won’t always be there, even when he returns from France. The best we can do now is just try to adapt.”

“Mummy?” Max tugged at Amelia’s skirt.

“I’m on the phone with Auntie Pol, love.” She tried to shoo him off but he was persistent.

“But mummy, Annie’s crying.”

“Okay, Pol, I need to go. I’ll see you at the shop tomorrow.”

“Wait, just please consider coming to the party.” Polly stopped her before she hung up.

“I’ll think about it.” Amelia agreed before hanging up the receiver so she could go fetch Annie in her bassinette.

Max followed her into the sitting room where Annie was having a fuss. He climbed up into the armchair that Tommy usually sat in. “Do you think she misses daddy?”

Amelia picked Annie up and patted her back gently to calm her. “She’s never met daddy.” She replied quietly. What else could she say? Any other answer would be a lie and Max would know.

“Yeah, but maybe she knows we miss him.” The little boy mused with a small shrug.

“Maybe she does,” Amelia replied as she rocked Annie back and forth. “Maybe she does.”

_Dear Amelia,_

_I hope you’re feeling better. After Polly’s letter, I became very worried about you. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. I would hate to continue writing knowing that you’re having so much grief._

_Some men say that this will all be over soon. Some aren’t so optimistic. I don’t know what to think anymore. I can’t see the larger picture that others may be able to see. All I see is mud and explosives._

_I feel like a horse sometimes. Just set out to work, pushing along for no apparent reason. I don’t want to live like this ever again once this is all over. I won’t be taking orders from anyone._

_And you’ll live well, I promise. Once this is over, we can put this behind us and never think about it again._

_News is we’re being moved to Belgium. They’ve already been mining down there from what I’ve heard. But they’re going to make a critical move soon. I suppose it’ll shape how our winter is spent. It’s already painfully cold here. I thought Arthur was going to lose one of his fingers from frostbite._

_But we’re all together, all in one piece._

_Give Max and Annie my love,_

_Yours,_

_Tommy_

Amelia ended up going to Annie’s first birthday party. And although she tried to play the part of the proud mother, she felt removed from the festive occasion. It felt as if she was standing miles away from the flat on Watery Lane.

Tommy’s letter came just after the new year. It struck fear into Amelia’s heart even if he wasn’t going into graphic detail about the horrors they saw on a daily basis. But it was just another reminder that they had been without each other for nearly three years. And the longer he was overseas on the battlefield, the higher chance he had of never coming home to her.

By April, Tommy and the rest were still in Belgium. The betting shop was doing better than Polly expected it would in the midst of war, so the family had a little extra pocket change. To get everyone out of Small Heath and their sad states, Polly arranged a trip to London. She figured a change of scenery might do them all some good.

It was St. George’s day, meaning they had a bank holiday to close the shop and take a bit of time for themselves.

Max and Finn were both excited because neither of them had been to London before. All they had ever known was Birmingham. And seeing her son so excited brought some light to Amelia’s eyes. Maybe Polly was right after all.

They took the train, much to Max’s delight. Amelia could hardly get him to sit still in his seat. He stuck his hands to the window, watching the land pass by him at a speed he could only imagine. He waved at people at every station they stopped at and pointed out things to his mother.

Once they were in the bustling capital city, Amelia had to make sure Max didn’t wander off. She kept him holding the handle of Annie’s pram as they walked along.

It was a warm spring day, almost as if they were meant to be in good spirits despite circumstances. Amelia delighted in watching Max and Finn look around the larger city in awe. But she felt a strange sort of déjà vu being back in the city she spent some time in as a teenager.

It had been a while since she thought about the family she left behind after becoming pregnant with Max. Once the war started, all of her attention was devoted to the family she had in Small Heath. There was no time to think about the parents who shunned her.

Now that she was back in London, the haunting memories crept back upon her. But she tried to cast them aside so she could enjoy the spring day with the people who actually cared for her.

They went to Hyde Park to have lunch that Polly and Martha packed. The lawns were full of sunbathers and picnickers who were all basking in the sun returning after a difficult winter.

The conversation was more lighthearted than it usually was. Ada discussed the books she was reading, Martha gossiped, and Polly shared some good news from Arthur that all of the boys were alright and hadn’t been severely injured in the battle of Messines.

After lunch, Max became a bit antsy. He loudly voiced to his mother that he was bored of listening to the women talking. Amelia scolded him, saying it wasn’t nice to be so brash. But she relented and said she would take a walk with him.

“Let’s bring your sister as well so she’ll sleep.” Amelia placed Annie back in her pram and took Max’s hand. “I’ll be back.” She said to Martha, Ada, and Polly before heading down the path.

Max was happier taking in all the sights around them as they walked along the park path. He delighted to see birds and squirrels jumping about in the grass and trees. Then he pulled Amelia toward the small pond by the pavilion.

“Ducks, mummy!” He pointed out.

“I see them, want to go over?” She smiled down at him.

“Yeah, want to see the ducks.”

But they didn’t make it to the pond. As they were about five hundred yards from the ducks and lily pads, Amelia heard her name being called.

She turned and was horrified to see her mother standing not too far from them. The shock was so great that she had a hard time speaking for a couple of moments.

Her mother was dressed nicer than Amelia had ever seen her dress before. Perhaps her father’s aspirations of becoming wealthier had finally come to fruition. But despite her outward appearance, there was a sadness in her eyes.

“Amelia.” She said again.

“Mother. I-I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Neither did I. There was news that you had gone back to Birmingham. I thought I would never see you again.”

Amelia didn’t buy the grief in her mother’s voice. All those years ago and the wounds were still fresh. Her own mother didn’t believe her, slandered her, and cast her aside as if she was nothing but trash. She didn’t believe that even a few years could change her mother. “I’m still living in Birmingham. I’m just visiting with family.”

“Oh, oh of course.” Her mother’s eyes landed on Max who was clinging close to Amelia’s leg. He wasn’t as talkative with strangers. “This must be my grandson. And you have another already? Another boy?”

“No.”

“A girl then, how lovely to have both a boy and a girl. A grandson and a granddaughter.”

Amelia pursed her lips and her grip on Max’s hand tightened protectively. “They’re not yours to claim. You weren’t there for me when I needed you the most, you have no place in their lives and I’ll keep it that way as long as I’m still here.”

Her mother’s brow creased. “Amelia, please, your father…”

“So, whatever he says you say as well?” She demanded before any more excuses could be made. “I know now that there’s nothing my children could do that would make me hate them like you and father hated me. I would never push them out into the streets to fend for themselves.”

“We were only trying to protect you!”

“Protect me?” Amelia laughed sarcastically. “You were protecting yourself. You were protecting that monster who violated me!” Her voice cracked. All the things she wanted to say were finally being said. “You believed him over me. Me, your own daughter!”

The weak look washed from her mother’s face as she became more indignant, trying to defend her unsavory actions. “He is a good man and you know that he deserves to know he has a son.”

“Deserves? No one deserves my child but his father. His _real_ father. Tommy took me in off the streets, took care of me through my whole pregnancy, gave me everything, adopted Max as his own.”

Anger crossed her face. “Thomas Shelby? You’re with that lowlife? That boy will drag you down with him, he and his family are-”

“I’d caution you on your next words, Olivia.” Polly cut in as she walked over. She could recognize Amelia’s mother from a mile away. She was the same woman that despised the Shelbys because she thought they were beneath her. The woman who tried to destroy Amelia and Tommy’s deep friendship as children.

“Polly.” Amelia’s mother made a face at her. “I should’ve known that if my daughter went back to Birmingham you would snatch her up. To brainwash her against me.”

“How dare you?” Amelia tried to spout off but Polly touched her shoulder.

“She’s not worth your time.” Tommy’s aunt said to the young woman. “Leave her to be miserable. You know who you really are. What a good mother and wife you are.”

Polly’s advice began to quench the angry flames in Amelia’s gut. “You’re lucky Tommy’s not here. You’re lucky he hasn’t already punished the man who took advantage of me. Pray he never comes to London.” Amelia hissed before she turned the pram around to return to the picnic blanket with Polly.

“Are you alright?” She asked when they were out of earshot.

Amelia shook her head. “She tried to say Max was her grandson. The nerve of her!”

“You know that she thinks of only herself.”

“I just don’t know how she could’ve abandoned me like that.” She looked down at Max who was quiet. He seemed shaken by the confrontation he didn’t understand. Amelia had still been carrying him when her mother kicked her out of the house. In her eyes, Olivia had punished both of them for something they had no say in. She had punished a child who hadn’t even been born yet. Yet, there was a light to the dark situation. “But if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t be with Tommy. I wouldn’t have Annie.” 

“That’s right.” Polly smiled gently. “There is always something to be grateful for. Even in the hardest times.”

The chance meeting with her mother gave Amelia a renewed sense of hope. She dedicated herself more to her children to make sure that they never looked at her the way she looked at Olivia. She tried desperately to follow Polly’s advice of treating every day like a blessing. One more day that she had air in her lungs, a roof over her head, food in her stomach, and a family to call her own.

It was difficult at night when the house around her was fast asleep. Annie was now sleeping through the night so there were no distractions to pull her away from her thoughts or nightmares. The business during the day kept her mind occupied but the silence of the night was so hard to face.

In order to keep herself calm and focused, she sometimes read her letters to and from Tommy. She took note of his handwriting and the difference or similarities in the vocabulary they both used. She would trace his signature at the end of every letter, noting how alike each signature was. It was as if he was copying them, the strokes were so precise.

Hearing Tommy’s words out loud was almost as good as having him there to talk to her. To keep her company and assure her that things would be alright.

But during her nightmares, there wasn’t anything that could save her, other than waking up. However, even waking up was just as painful because she came to realize that she was still alone. Tommy was still away overseas and there was still no telling when he would return.

She prayed every night that her nightmares would be replaced by good dreams. One night, her wish was granted. She had a lovely dream that Tommy was back home. He was holding Annie to his chest and talking affectionately to Max. There was a warm fire in the hearth, and she even swore she could smell a wonderful meal cooking in the kitchen. It was so lifelike that when she awoke, she burst into tears.

The empty side of the bed was too much to bear.


	21. August 1917

_Dear Amelia, Max, and Annie,_

_We’re back in France in La Bassée. There are a lot of men from Lancashire. We’ve been around so many French and Canadians that it’s strange to be around people who don’t live too far from where we do._

_It’s getting colder again. Sometimes I think I’ve gotten used to the cold but then snow hits and it’s unbearable. When it gets too cold, I like to picture I’m in Birmingham by the fire. I imagine everyone’s there. The war’s over. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I hope that’ll be the case soon._

_It’s hard to know that I’ve missed Max’s birthday again and may miss Annie’s as well. I hope I can make it up to them when I return._

_My hands are getting a little numb, sorry if my handwriting is hard to read. I should finish this letter so you get it soon. I may not have time to write in the coming week._

_But I hope to hear from you soon. I love you all very much,_

_Tommy_

A month after the letter was sent out, the 179th was buried alive.

No one in the Shelby household was notified. But Amelia knew something was wrong. Deep down in her gut, she knew something had happened to Tommy. The only person she could trust with this feeling was with Polly.

Amelia didn’t want to frighten the others and she was sure they wouldn’t understand either. But Polly was a bit more understanding when it came to a natural intuition.

“He hasn’t written. None of them have.” Amelia tried to keep her composure. She told herself she needed to remain strong until she received news confirming if she was right or wrong. “It isn’t like them. One of them would have written by now. But they’ve all gone quiet.”

Although it was difficult to accept, Polly knew she was right. None of the Birmingham boys had written in weeks. Even Ada had confided to Amelia that Freddie hadn’t sent her anything. Rosie Owens said it had been a couple of months since Danny had sent word. Barney’s mother was at her wit's end waiting for her son to reply. Little Isiah was heartbroken that his father had yet to respond to the letter Ada helped him write.

“Pol, what if something bad happened? What are we supposed to do?” Reality was sinking in. Amelia knew all along that it was a possibility they could lose someone. To lose all of them was something too awful to even think of.

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “But we can’t do anything until we know for sure. We need to pray that-” The words stuck in her throat. She had been praying ever since the boys left that day three years ago. “Pray that they’ll be brought home to us.”

The letter came almost a month later. When Amelia saw Tommy’s handwriting on the envelope she nearly screamed with relief. Frantically, she tore open the envelope.

_Dear Amelia,_

_I thought we were all going to die_

She couldn’t read on. Clutching her chest to hopefully calm her racing heart, she took a few deep breaths. Sinking down to the floor, she looked away from the letter up to the ceiling.

He was okay. He was alive.

Annie, who was now two-years-old, toddled into the foyer. “Mummy!” She held her teddy close to her.

“Come here, poppet.” Amelia hugged her daughter close, trying to conceal her tears of relief in Annie’s dark curls.

A little later on, Amelia brought the letter to Polly. She couldn’t bear to read what was inside so she decided it would be best if Polly did instead.

Apparently, letters from the rest of the boys were starting to trickle in. Ada had received one from John and Freddie the same day.

Polly stood in the kitchen reading the letter with a hand over her mouth. God truly had granted them all a miracle.

“They were trapped when a tunnel collapsed. It took the cavalry three days to get them.” Polly reported the summary of the letter. She thought if she explained what happened, maybe Amelia could feel more secure about reading the rest of what her husband had written to her.

“Three days?” Amelia looked bewildered. “How on earth would it take three days? They must’ve thought…” She chewed on her lower lip. There was no putting herself in the same situation. She wouldn’t know the feeling of oxygen slipping away, the terror, the realization that this very well could be the end.

“They’re alright now,” Polly said gently. “They’re all okay.”

Amelia couldn’t speak. As they sat in the kitchen, she was mending the two matching teddy bears Max and Annie had. Two Christmases ago, right after Annie was born, Amelia gifted them to her children under the guise that Tommy had sent them. She wrote a long letter pretending to be from Santa Claus. Christmas morning, she read the letter to Max who was overjoyed to hear that Tommy had given Santa the bears to deliver to Birmingham.

Max always slept with the bear snug in his arms, but Annie never let go of hers. She dragged it all around the house, sat it at the table during meals, played with it outside, and even perched it on the edge of the tub during bath time. She was so enamored with the plush bear. But the adoration took a toll on the teddy and Amelia had to often mend it. Resewing the stitches, cutting off fraying threads, and replacing the button eyes a couple of times.

“She’s asking about him.” Amelia wiped a bit of dirt of Annie’s bear. “Max shows her the picture on the mantle. He tries to explain but I don’t know if she understands.”

“When he comes home, it’ll all work out,” Polly said confidently. “There’s no bond like a parent and child. We’ll all find ourselves getting back into a nice routine. As she grows, she probably won’t remember he was ever gone.” She pointed out.

“Max will remember.” Amelia looked down at the sewing needle in her hand.

“He probably will. But when he’s older, I think he’ll understand a bit better why they were away.”

“I don’t even understand why they’re gone.” She mumbled. “None of it seems right. Wanda’s husband was killed. Now she’s left with her entire life ruined because of this stupid war. I just don’t understand.”

Polly sighed softly. “I don’t know if any of us will understand.” She admitted and took a seat at the table. “It’s not in our nature to speculate on these types of things. That’s the role of the men in charge.”

“Tommy always talks about how things are going to be different when he’s back home. How he doesn’t ever want to answer to another person ever again. Sometimes it scares me because…well you know him. He gets these wild ideas and won’t let them go. Thinks he can take on the heart of the world and win. But what am I supposed to tell him? He’s been this-this puppet for Britain. I don’t blame him.”

“Tommy’s always been against authority.” Polly reminded her. “I never saw him bending to the will of another man. I suppose they don’t have a choice now. But I would take his words as truth. No one can tell him not to do anything. And his brothers are loyal to him.” She rubbed her temple as if she was developing a headache. “I would just prepare yourself for what’s to come. He’s going to be taking the betting shop a lot more seriously and perhaps will do things that you don’t agree with.”

Amelia put down her sewing kit. “So, I’m just meant to stand around waiting for him every night to come home? That I should just be okay with whatever he does?”

“He’ll need guidance from people who aren’t going to agree to every word he says. People he respects.”

“Like you.”

“And you.” Polly nodded. “Do you remember what his mother used to say to him about listening?”

Amelia smiled sadly and nodded. “That he has an angel and a devil on each shoulder. She could always tell which one was speaking louder even when Tommy wasn’t saying a thing.”

“I’m afraid that the devil has gotten louder, now that he’s seen war. So we need to speak up. For his own good and the good of everyone else he loves.”

After they survived being buried alive, Tommy and the rest of the Blinders were strangely optimistic about the future. They felt that maybe if they had survived something so harrowing, someone really was looking out for them. The optimism wouldn’t last long. A few weeks later, Barney would be shot. As they removed the bullet, it was as if they were removing the last of the young man’s sanity. He was never the same afterward.

But for that brief moment of time within years-long warfare, they spoke hopefully. Danny talked about how he and Rosie would probably have a family when he got back. Jeremiah said he was going to devote his life to God because that’s who he believed saved them from almost certain death. Freddie talked about a girl who was waiting back home for him, he just didn’t mention it was Ada. And the Shelby boys talked strategy. The fastest way to the top of the pack.

But it wasn’t all gangs and business. Tommy talked about meeting his daughter for the first time.

“She’s got a teddy bear that Mel gave her. It’s her favorite, brings it everywhere.” There was bitterness in his voice though. “Can’t believe I’ve missed so much. First word, first steps.”

“You got to see Max do those things.” Arthur pointed out.

“Yeah. But I was still supposed to be there. It’s not fair to her.”

“Well,” His older brother had a bit of an uncomfortable look on his face. “Probably won’t remember, will she?”

“I guess not,” Tommy mumbled. “Wish that were possible for us.”

Arthur sighed. “They have things to forget.” He acknowledged. “But maybe we ought to just try an’ put it behind us. Focus on what we’ve got back at home. Good things, aye?”

Sure, there were plenty of good things to look forward to when they returned home. But Tommy knew that things would never be the same. He would always have a chip on his shoulder. He wasn’t even sure Amelia would want him in the state he would now be in. Not even half the man he used to be, the man she fell in love with.

Arthur noticed the look in his younger brother’s eyes. “You listening to the devil over there, Tom?”

He silently shook his head.

Later that same night, Amelia was tucking Annie and Max into bed. Though she was tired, she sat down to read them a bedtime story. Max’s favorite story was Peter Pan and often had Amelia read it to him even if he practically knew the tale by heart.

Annie was starting to remember certain parts of the story as well the more they read it and the older she got.

That night, she was unusually talkative. Typically, Max was the one to interject and add his opinions on the story. Annie was more content to listen as she slowly dozed off with her teddy hugged close to her chest.

But apparently, the story had sparked some new questions.

“Is daddy Peter Pan?” She asked sweetly.

With such innocence, Amelia couldn’t help but smile as she lowered the book. “No, lovey. You know what daddy looks like; his picture is on the mantle.”

“Yeah.” She furrowed her brow as she was clearly thinking. Her chin rested on her teddy’s head. “But he in’t here.”

Amelia lovingly smoothed back her daughter’s short dark curls. “Not right now, no. But hopefully, he’ll be coming back.”

“He’s fighting bad guys like Captain Hook!” Max piped up excitedly. “He’s shooting them with guns!” He sat up and mimicked shooting a rifle.

Amelia was horrified. “Who told you that?” She put down the book.

“Finn said so.” Max’s face fell a little when he saw his mother’s disappointment.

“Well, that’s not something he should be telling you.” She insisted. “You shouldn’t talk about things like that in front of your sister either.”

Max slumped down under his quilt. “Sorry.”

“It’s…it’s fine, poppet.” She said, her voice softening. Of all the things she wished she didn’t have to talk about, war was top on the list. “War can be dangerous.” She said truthfully. “Daddy, Uncle Arthur, and Uncle John are all very brave for doing what they’re doing to protect us.”

“Is daddy nice?” Annie asked.

“Yes, darling. He’s one of the nicest people, isn’t he, Max?”

He perked up a bit again and nodded. “Yeah, he is.”

“I know that he misses you both very much and wishes he could be here. And although you don’t know him, Annie, he loves you very much because you’re his daughter. That’s very special isn’t it?”

The little girl with her father’s sky-blue eyes and dark hair looked happy to hear it.


	22. December 1917-March 1918

“Did you know Alexander? He used to work down at the butcher’s shop before he was drafted.”

Amelia was in the betting shop working alongside Rosie, Danny Owen’s wife. “I think so. Was he the one married to that Italian girl?”

“Right, she passed some time ago from the flu.” Rosie nodded. “Well, he came back few months ago.” She reported. “They just locked him up in the asylum last week. Martha was telling me.”

“The asylum?” Amelia looked up from her ledger in alarm. “Whatever for?” From the brief time she’d known the young man, he seemed like a decent person without anything seemingly off about him.

“He went off his rocker. Had a gun and was threatening to shoot his own brother.” Rosie looked concerned. “They said he still thought he was in the war. They couldn’t convince him otherwise.” 

“Jesus.” Then pen slipped from Amelia’s hand a bit. She couldn’t imagine what sort of horrors could change such a nice man. What could possibly cause someone to lose their mind completely? And would Tommy come back the same?

After almost four years of waiting for him, she couldn’t imagine having to lock him up to protect others and himself. Because Alexander’s case wasn’t some anomaly. There were many stories drifting quietly around Birmingham of the men who came back. Once upstanding figures in the community came home different men. There were two men that Amelia knew had committed suicide. Their families were distraught. They had waited so long for them to return, were so happy they came home alive, and now they had to bury them.

It made Amelia so anxious. Of course, she wanted Tommy home but what could she do if he was nothing like the man that had left her that day at the train station? How could she explain that to her children?

“It’s a shame,” Rosie said quietly. Both the wives were thinking about their husbands. Hoping, that maybe by some sheer luck, their boys would be okay. But it seemed foolish to even hope.

It would be another Christmas without Tommy. It never got any easier, although Amelia tried to make do. Annie’s awareness of Tommy’s missing presence was becoming more of an issue. There were only so many times Amelia could explain why he was gone. The almost-four-year-old was unsatisfied with the answers. She didn’t understand war, didn’t understand why her father was gone, and especially struggled with why he couldn’t just come home.

A week before Christmas, the Shelby household was in chaos. A loose thread on Annie’s teddy bear had caught on one of the kitchen cabinet handles. Instead of trying to unravel it from the metal, the young girl pulled and pulled until her darling stuffed animal had a loose arm hanging by a thread.

Annie screamed and cried, inconsolable as she cradled her bear close.

Amelia tried to calm her down, saying it wouldn’t be an issue to stitch the thing up again. But her daughter wasn’t listening. She wouldn’t even let go of the bear so Amelia could fix it.

“Love, please, it’ll be okay!” Amelia begged for her daughter to calm down. “Mummy will fix it and he’ll be as good as new. I promise.” 

“But daddy gave him to me!” She sobbed.

“I know, but I can fix him.”

“Daddy’ll know I hurt ‘im!” She wailed and thrashed about on the kitchen floor. “Daddy’ll hate me!”

“Annie Shelby, what on Earth gave you that idea?” Amelia asked.

“’Cause…’cause he will!” She didn’t seem to have any basis for how she felt. “That’s why he won’t come home!”

“Now you listen to me.” Amelia gathered her up into her lap. “Your father loves you very much and if he could come home, he would in a heartbeat.”

Annie began to calm down in her mother’s arms. She hiccupped and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve. “Teddy’ll be okay?” She asked.

“Of course, I’ll patch up his arm and he’ll be looking nice for Christmas.” Amelia kissed her cheek. "Now go head upstairs. It's nearly bathtime." 

As they always did, they got through the holidays and made it out alive in the new year. Amelia was struggling to write down the date sometimes.

1918

How could it only be two years away from the new decade? And more importantly, would she be welcoming 1920 still without Tommy. Max would be ten by the end of 1920. By then he would’ve spent more than half his life without his father. It made Amelia sick to her stomach to think about.

She just didn’t realize good news was around the corner.

Annie and Max were running around the parlor while Amelia cleaned up after dinner. The two were sick of being cooped up inside because March had brought on endless rain.

The phone started to ring and Amelia called out from the kitchen. “Quiet down, you two, mum needs to answer the phone!”

It didn’t do much good. The kids were leaping off the sofa and creating a big ruckus.

Still, Amelia picked up the receiver. “Shelby Residence.”

“Mel?”

For a moment, Amelia was convinced she was in a dream. There was no other explanation for why Tommy’s voice would be on the other end of the phone. Her knees went weak and she clutched onto the stair banister nearby. “Tommy?” She gasped. “Is that really you?”

“Yeah, love. It’s me.”

It felt like her heart was in her throat. There was so much she wanted to say to him and yet she couldn’t find the words. “I-I don’t understand.”

“They’re sending us home. All of the 179."

Tears began to stream down Amelia’s cheeks. This was the day she’d been waiting years for. Now that it was time, she couldn’t contain her happiness. “Really? Oh, Tommy…I-I don’t know what to say. I’m over the moon!”

“I know, love. I can’t wait to finally be back home with you. I don’t have much time on the phone, are the kids there?” 

“Yes, yes I’ll get them.” Amelia turned from the telephone. “Max, Annie! Guess who’s on the telephone!”

The two rambunctious kids ran into the hallway to see what she was talking about. “Who?”

“It’s daddy.” Amelia knelt down and held the receiver to them.

“Dad?” Max was cautious, unsure if his mother was just pulling his leg or not. Although he figured it would be too cruel of a trick for his mother to play on him.

“Hello, Max. Your sister there too?”

“Daddy?” Annie piped up. She looked thrilled but nervous at the idea of speaking to the man she’d never met.

“I’m coming home soon, you two,” Tommy announced happily. “Are you excited? I’m going to be coming home on the train next month.”

“Really?” Max’s eyes widened in shock. “For good?”

“For good,” Tommy promised. “You’ll be at the train station waiting for me, right?”

“Yeah!” Max couldn’t hold back his grin.

“Alright, well, I’ll be home very soon. I love you all very much.”

“We love you, Tom,” Amelia said tearfully before the line went dead. She hung up the receiver, her hand trembling.

“Aren’t you happy, mummy?” Annie asked.

“Of course.” 

“Then why’re you crying?”

“I’m just so happy.” Amelia pulled her children in for a tight squeeze. “He’s finally coming home.”


	23. April 1918

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Happy Holidays everyone! Here’s a little gift to everyone who’s always given me so much support in my writing.

Amelia wasn’t sure she was able to feel so many emotions all at once. It was nearly a similar experience to when she first held Max and Annie right after they were born. Every part of her felt like it was pushing against her skin. All the feelings were just ready to burst out of her.

Excitement, impatience, hope, longing, and yet there was a sadness. They would finally be reunited but there would still be those years they lost. They could never get that time back.

Max was bouncing up and down by the door. “C’mon mum!” He yelled.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Amelia hurried downstairs with Annie in her arms. “It’s a little early, poppet.”

“I wanna be there though.” The almost eight-year-old protested.

“We’ll get there soon enough, it’s not too far.” Amelia opened the door and let Annie down. “We need to wait here for the rest.”

Max whined. “But what if we miss the train?”

“We won’t, I promise. Daddy will still be there waiting for us.” Amelia couldn’t exactly blame him though. She was praying that the train wasn’t late. She had waited years for this day but now couldn’t even stand to wait another minute. “Look, Max, here they come.”

Polly, Martha, and the children were coming down the street all looking to be in good spirits.

“Race ya to the train station!” Finn yelled to Max and before anyone could stop them, the young boys were sprinting down the lane.

“Max!” Amelia called after him but there was no use.

“They’ll be alright,” Polly assured her.

“He hasn’t been able to stand still all morning.” Amelia laughed softly as they began to walk, Annie holding onto her hand. “I don’t even think he slept a wink.”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Martha said, already clutching her handkerchief close, tears welling up in her eyes. “It feels like a dream.”

There was a crowd of people swarming the train station to welcome back loved ones. Max and Finn had climbed up on a brick wall to see over everyone.

Amelia came and gently held Max’s ankle just to make sure he didn’t topple over.

The energy in the air was almost electric. People were chattering happily about finally getting to kiss and hug the people they’d missed for so long.

“There’s the train!” Finn called out.

Amelia’s heart was racing as she heard the train whistle sound from a close distance. She picked up Annie who seemed a little nervous about the crowd around her.

“Mum, look!” Max cried as the train slowly pulled into the station. Dozens of uniformed men came spilling out of the train cars, all searching for their family and friends.

People were calling out names and joyfully reuniting.

Finn suddenly shouted. “Arthur!” He jumped from the wall and disappeared into the crowd.

Four years of waiting, and when Amelia heard them nearby, she began to cry.

Tommy found Max first, rushing over to him. Max shouted with delight as he jumped into his father’s arms.

“Daddy!”

“Look at you, aye? Look how much you’ve grown.” The young man was overcome with melancholy.

“Tom,” Amelia called out to him.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw his wife standing nearby with their daughter in her arms. He came over with Max and embraced all three of them as close as he could. “I’m here, s’alright.” He whispered softly when he heard Amelia sobbing against his shoulder. “S’alright.”

When Amelia withdrew, she tried to compose herself. “Annie, daddy’s home. Aren’t you so happy to meet him?”

The little girl looked a bit shy when she saw the man who was in the photographs on their mantle.

“C’mere, will you give dad a cuddle?” Tommy asked hopefully, holding out his free arm.

Annie smiled. She appeared to recognize the voice she’d heard over the phone a month earlier. Amelia gave her to him. The little girl peered at him curiously, almost as if she was trying to see the similarities between the photograph and him standing there in real life. She touched his cheek and giggled softly.

Tommy felt an immense relief, hugging his two children close.

After reuniting with the rest of the Shelbys and the other 179th boys, they all parted ways before the big dinner they were going to have together to celebrate their homecoming.

Tommy carried Annie back home and held Max’s hand. The little boy was chattering on about all the things he could think of that Tommy missed.

Amelia kept glancing over at her husband. It was hard to believe he was really there in the flesh. It wasn’t just another cruel dream she would wake up from. He was there for good.

But every time she looked over at him, she noticed the subtle differences.

He looked older, less boyish than before. Whether it was time’s doing or stress, Amelia wasn’t sure. She had a feeling she looked much older as well.

He looked tired. Not just a lack of sleep but a deep exhaustion that settled deep in the bones. A weariness that sleep couldn’t cure.

He walked differently. Less like a confident young man and more like a soldier.

Maybe it would be temporary changes. Amelia could only hope that once he settled back into life in Birmingham, he’d go back to being the same old Tommy. But it was wishful thinking and even she knew that deep down.

When they got into the flat, Tommy set Annie down. She went to retrieve her teddy bear from the kitchen where she’d left it. She held it up to her father to see.

“Look at that, aye?” He picked up the bear.

“Mummy said you sent them to us,” Max said. “For Christmas.”

Tommy met Amelia’s eyes. She smiled slightly although she still looked on the verge of tears. “Yeah, that’s right.” He nodded. “I gave them to Father Christmas so he’d bring them to you.”

“Annie loves her bear, don’t you, poppet?” Amelia said softly.

The little girl giggled shyly and went to cling to her mother’s skirt.

“Well, it seems very well-loved.” Tommy knelt down to give the teddy back to her.

Annie took the bear back and yawned. It seemed all the excitement of the day was starting to catch up with her.

“Want to go down for a nap, love?” Amelia wondered, stooping down to pick her daughter up. Annie shrugged and rested her cheek on her mother’s shoulder, her eyelids drooping. “I think some rest will do you some good.” She murmured. “Then when we have dinner with everyone, you won’t be tired.”

“Want me to take her up?” Tommy offered. He didn’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore. Every opportunity he could have to be a father, he would take.

“Sure.” Amelia smiled and handed Annie over to him. “Max, want to help me make some lunch?”

Her son looked hesitant. It appeared he wanted to stay around Tommy even if he was just going upstairs. “Okay.”

“I’ll be right back,” Tommy promised him before heading upstairs with Annie in his arms. He got to the hallway and realized he wasn’t sure where Amelia had put Annie’s nursery.

Max’s room was across from his and Amelia’s. There was only one other bedroom, but maybe Amelia had moved things around. Maybe she kept Max’s room as a nursery and put  
Annie in there, switching him over to the other room.

Annie yawned and snapped Tommy out of his daze. He felt as if he opened the door to find he was wrong; it would hurt him deeply. Such a simple thing that he didn’t know.

But he wasn’t going to stand there all night with a sleepy toddler in his arms. So he decided to go for the bedroom that had been empty before he left for France.

There, he found what must’ve been his daughter’s room. There was a floral-patterned quilt on the little bed with a pink cloth doll sitting by the pillow.

“Here we are.” Tommy pulled back the covers and set Annie down in the bed. “Got your teddy, all cozy?”

The little girl nodded and began to drift off before her head even hit the pillow.

Her father tucked her in, but couldn’t get himself to leave. Doing his best not to wake her, he sat on the edge of the bed. He had thought about that moment many times. The moment he finally met his daughter for the first time. To finally see the little girl that he watched grow up through sporadic pictures.

It made him sick to his stomach to know how much he missed. He knew how much he was missing when he was in France, but finally be home, it hit him like a brick.

She was in her own bed, not a crib. She was walking around. She was talking in sentences.

When Max was growing up, Tommy couldn’t believe how fast time went by. One second, he was holding a newborn in his arms, the next he was watching him walk and talk. With Annie, he couldn’t even look back to remember a time before that day. Suddenly, he had this three-year-old. It was as if he had been struck with amnesia. There was nothing to remember about her before that day in 1918.

Sure, there were stories and pictures from Amelia, but it wasn’t the same. Tommy felt cheated.

The door to Annie’s room opened and Amelia came in. “Is she asleep?” She whispered.

Tommy nodded.

She noticed the torn look on his face. There was so much she wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure if any of it would be helpful. She didn’t want to talk down on him, didn’t want to act like she could fix him, or knew what he had gone through. They had all struggled, but Annie knew that at the end of the day, she had been with their children the entire time. Tommy had been robbed of all the memories that she had with Max and Annie. Yet, there was nothing Amelia could do to make it up to him.

She knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. “We’ll be alright.” She said quietly so she wouldn’t wake Annie.

Tommy didn’t say anything. It was almost as if he was looking right through her.

Six Watery Lane hadn’t been so alive in years. Sure, it had been filled with children, but having the Shelby boys back brought back the soul of the flat. Despite all everyone went through, at least things were somewhat back to where they were meant to be.

A big meal was prepared and the whole house was full of chatter and laughter. Everyone felt at ease that they were all back together without any losses to mourn.

However, whether the others noticed or not, Arthur, Tommy, and John appeared to be faking a lot of their uplifted spirits. Sure, they were thrilled to be back home. But they didn’t leave the memories of war behind the second they stepped back onto British soil. No, there would be nothing to erase those memories. Now, the three men could only pretend for the sake of their family that things were okay. Whether they could keep up the façade for much longer was proving to be a challenging question.

After dinner, when the activity began to die down and the children all became cranky from being tired, the family again parted ways. Tommy and Amelia brought Max and Annie home down the street after saying their goodbyes.

Annie was already asleep in Amelia’s arms and Max was just about ready to doze off against Tommy’s shoulder.

The two parents put them both to sleep before retiring to their bedroom.

Before Tommy could even take his coat off, Amelia pulled him into a deep kiss. The whole day she’d been yearning after him but felt it wasn’t appropriate to take him away from the children or his family. So, she was patient and waited until they were alone for the night.

It was a welcome release for Tommy who found it easy to get lost in his wife’s embrace. All day he had been battling himself. He was trying to put the horrors of war out of his mind as best he could. He wanted to put all his focus on his family. He wanted to be happy to see them. But there was that dark feeling he couldn’t shake that things wouldn’t be the same after what he’d seen.

But Amelia gave him the outlet to completely abandon his thoughts. As she undressed him, he could only think about her fingertips brushing against him. He could only focus on the mechanics of taking off her dress. There was no space to think about the sound of shovels.

He could only hear her soft breathing and the sound of her dress falling to the floor. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” She whispered against his lips.

The sound of her voice was so calming. It allowed Tommy to breathe evenly as he scooped her up and carried her to the bed.

“I’m here now.” He replied, laying her down gently.

“I’m all yours, Tommy.” She knotted her fingers in his hair as he hovered over her. “I always will be. Just please be all mine.”

“I always have been.” He captured her lips again.

Around midnight that same night, Tommy got up out of bed. He wasn’t used to having a nice bed and time to sleep. He was so accustomed to sleeping less than a few hours at a time in the damp, cold trenches.

Now, despite having a pillow to rest his head on, he couldn’t sleep very long. His body had been trained to stay up long hours so it probably would take time to adjust.

Amelia was still fast asleep as he slipped out from under the covers. He went to his coat that had been discarded on the floor to find his cigarette tin. Taking one out, he struck up a match to light it and sat down on the foot of the bed.

The quiet of the flat was starting to make his mind numb. The only time things were quiet in the tunnels was when they were trying to avoid detection from the Germans. They moved stealthily along the dark passageways. Other than that, Tommy was used to the constant sound of explosives, gunfire, and men dying around him.

The silence of the flat felt so unnatural that it made his skin crawl. He didn’t want to hear the sounds of war ever again, but at the same time, he felt as if he’d been so conditioned to it that he couldn’t stand the silence. It only allowed for his thoughts to run rampant. To allow for mental images to come up in his brain. Things he wished so desperately that he could erase from his memory.

Then, the more his thoughts raced, the louder the sound of shovels became. The dull thumping sound continued over and over again. Louder and louder until Tommy nearly jumped out of his skin.

They sounded so close. It sounded so real. This all had to be a dream. He wasn’t back in Birmingham with Amelia and the children. No, he was still in the tunnels. The sound of the shovels was real. The bedroom around him was merely a realistic dream.

“Tommy?”

The shovels faded when he heard Amelia call out to him. He was almost afraid to turn around. Maybe he would turn around and realize that it _was_ just a cruel dream. He’d turn around and no one would be there. Then he would wake up back in the trenches.

“Tommy, are you alright?” 

There was a rustling of the sheets and he felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt so real. How could it feel so real with the sound of the shovels were so real too?

“Please look at me.” She begged.

Tommy turned and felt relief wash over him when he saw his wife kneeling behind him. She looked terribly concerned. “Sorry.” He muttered. “Just thinking.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

He shook his head. “No, you can go back to sleep.”

She didn’t move a muscle. “Tommy, I don’t want you to suffer alone. If there’s something bothering you, please, I want to try to understand. I know that there’s so much you experienced that I’ll never get. But if I can just be someone you can talk to, that would mean so much to me. I want to be there for you. I feel like that’s what a wife is supposed to be.”

“I know.” He put his head in her lap. “I appreciate it, Mel. I just don’t know what else to tell you.”

She gently combed his hair back. It was much longer than he usually kept it. She wondered if he would cut it in the next couple of days. “What can I do to help you?”

“If you want to help me, don’t doubt yourself as my wife.” He closed his eyes and tried to get lost in her soothing touch.

Amelia gently massaged his face, trying to ease the tension in his muscles. “Will you come to church with me tomorrow?”

“I didn’t know you attended church.” He replied. A long time ago he could recall instances when she would go to Sunday service with the Shelby children. Though he couldn’t remember her parents ever being religious.

“I’ve been going with Polly. Talking to Father Carr helped when you were away.” She explained. “Especially when I was pregnant with Annie.”

He opened his eyes to look up at her. “I’ll go with you.”

She smiled. The same smile that Tommy yearned to see again. “Then maybe we can take the kids out to the park or something?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot I’ve missed.” 


	24. April 1918 Settling In

Seeing Tommy sitting at the table during breakfast the next morning made Amelia’s heart skip a beat. Especially since he was sitting between Max and Annie. Both were chattering on about things they could do together now that he was home.

“You can come down to see me ride. Uncle Charlie says that I’m as good as a horse rider as you were when you were my age!” Max said proudly.

“That right?” Tommy chuckled.

“Mummy says I’m too little to ride.” Annie pouted.

“Oh, nonsense. No Shelby is too little to ride.” He shook his head.

“I heard that.” Amelia glanced over her shoulder as she finished cleaning up the kitchen after making them breakfast.

The three at the table shared a smile. “Well, we’ll go down to the Yard this weekend,” Tommy promised.

“Okay!” Max looked thrilled.

“But for now, you two are going to go over to see your Auntie Martha and Uncle John after breakfast,” Amelia said. “Daddy and I are going to go to church.”

“Church is boring,” Max mumbled, not about to ask to go with them. But he seemed uneasy to know that Tommy would be away from him even if just down the street.

“Then will daddy come back?” Annie asked.

“Of course,” Tommy answered. “We’re going to come back to make lunch then we’ll go to the park.”

“So, go wash up,” Amelia said once Annie cleared her plate. “Get teddy if you want to bring him to your aunt’s.”

“Okay!” Annie popped up from the table and rushed upstairs. Max picked at the rest of his food.

“What’s wrong, love?” Amelia stroked his hair back.

“Just thinking ‘bout something.”

“What are you thinking about?” Tommy wondered.

“We went to London when you were gone,” Max said. “Annie was little. Really little.”

“Oh yeah? That must’ve been fun. Where did you go?”

“To the park.”

“That’s right.” Amelia nodded. She was surprised that he remembered that day. But she supposed it was a big change from being in Small Heath all the time.

“There was a lady there that mummy was mad at.”

Tommy looked up to his wife who frowned. “Oh…” He figured it was something she didn’t want to talk about in front of their son. “Well, are you done?” He pointed to the plate in front of Max.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Okay, go get ready to go over to your aunt’s.” Amelia cleared the table.

After Max was heading upstairs, Tommy glanced over to her at the sink. “What happened?”

“When we went to Hyde Park, we ran into my mother.” She admitted quietly. “It wasn’t pretty.”

After all they’d gone through, Tommy hadn’t given much thought to Amelia’s family or past in London. They had done enough harm to her that he was willing to write them off. He didn’t want them to hurt her anymore and that meant keeping even their names out of their lives.

“Did you talk to her?”

“Of course, I-I didn’t know what else to do.” She sighed. “She tried to claim Annie and Max as her grandchildren and she threatened to tell…” Even after all those years she couldn’t speak his name. The man who had assaulted her. The man her parents chose to believe over her.

Tommy’s eyes froze over. He looked calm on the outside, but Amelia knew him well enough to see a storm was brewing in him. It began to spill over when he finally spoke. “If that man ever comes near Max-”

“I know.” She walked over to him and sat beside him in Max’s empty chair. She gently took his face in her hands, still in disbelief that she could hold him again. “I’m just glad you’re home. I feel much safer.”

“It puts me at ease too.” He agreed, his anger simmering down beneath her touch. “Felt helpless over there knowing something could happen to you and I couldn’t be there to stop it.”

“Let’s just enjoy our time together again.” She suggested gently. They could get hung up on the past years but what mattered was they were back together.

After attending church service with Amelia and Polly, Tommy returned to the betting shop. He promised Amelia that he wouldn’t work, he would just step in for a bit while she made lunch. Arthur was already back in one of the offices while John was back at the blackboard jotting down odds. It was almost as if they hadn’t left at all.

“How’d Polly leave it then?” Tommy asked as he stepped into the office.

“How’d you think? She’s smarter than any of us. You can look over the books but don’t think any one of the girls made a mistake. The money kept coming in too, steady income.” Arthur replied.

“I didn’t have any doubts.”

Arthur studied his brother. “So, how are you feeling back home?”

“What else would I be but happy?” Tommy replied without any joy in his voice. “Out of the trenches and back home with me wife and kids.”

“Yeah, but Tom…” Arthur was cut off. Someone came running into the shop, the door slamming into the door on their way in.

Tommy was still very much in soldier mode and went into action, reaching for his gun and running toward the chaos. But all he found in the shop was Rosie Owens. She was sobbing and clutching a shawl around her shoulders.

“Tommy, please, you have to come quick. It’s Danny.”

He frowned. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He walked over to her, releasing his hold on his gun.

“He’s gone mad. He’s wrecked the home, won’t stop shouting.” She hiccupped in between words. “I can’t calm him down, s’like I’m not even there. He just keeps shouting about nonsense.”

“Alright, Arthur and I will take care of it. Stay here, Mel’s in the kitchen with the kids.” Tommy looked back to gesture to his brother to follow him.

It took a bit to calm Rosie down. The experience with Danny had left her shaken.

“There was nothing in his eyes, Mel. He was a completely different person. That wasn’t the man I fell in love with.” She cried.

“I know.” Amelia held her friend’s hand as they sat at the kitchen table. “It’s the war, it’s not him. It’s not his fault.”

“I was so stupid to think things would be okay once he came back.” She sobbed. “I just don’t know how to help him.”

“We’ll figure it out. Maybe things will settle once everyone’s feeling back at home. They just need to put some distance between them and the war.” Amelia tried to reason even though she felt like she was just making things up as she went. “There’s still news about the war everywhere, I’m sure it’s not easy. People are still talking about it and what not.”

Rosie nodded and wiped her eyes. “Maybe you’re right.”

The door to the flat opened and Tommy came in looking a bit disheveled. Arthur came in behind him, leading Danny into the home.

“Rose…” Danny looked devastated.

“Oh, Danny.” She stood up and didn’t hesitate to embrace him. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry, love.” He held her close. “I didn’t know what happened…honest I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Amelia looked to her husband who shared a worried glance her way. They thought they were leaving the war behind when they left France. But it seemed the war wasn’t ready to release its grip on them.

“Arthur said Polly and the rest of you kept the books perfectly,” Tommy remarked. They were at the park eating a later lunch than they planned. Max and Annie had gobbled down their food quickly so they could run around and play nearby.

“Well, you know Pol. Once she sets her mind to something there’s nothing standing in her way.” Amelia smiled. “So, did you think about how things are going to progress?” She wondered.

He nodded. “We’re going back to the same plan I had before the war. A plan to legitimacy.” He took her hand in his. “But I don’t want you to worry about that stuff anymore.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Tom, the shop was my life for a few years. What do you think I’m supposed to do now?”

He shrugged. “You can do whatever you want. Once we get the money coming in, you’ll have anything you want.” There was still that ambition he had all those years ago when they reunited. The drive to have what the wealthy had. The horses, the cars, the property. The stability and safety. The notoriety and perks. Tommy had played the part of a warhorse. A disposable foot soldier. An underground fighter that the brass didn’t care about. He wasn’t going to play that part again. He would be the one giving orders.

Amelia lay back on the blanket, resting her head in Tommy’s lap. “What I want most is for you to be happy and for our family to be safe.”

He didn’t want to admit there were things he could never give her. His wife deserved the world in his opinion, so he would strive to give her everything her heart desired. But there were things that were almost unattainable.

“Tom?” She nudged him out of his thoughts.

“Hm? Yeah, well…anything you want.” He reiterated. “It’s yours.”

To a Shelby man, there was no greater joy than seeing their children on a horse. Carrying on the tradition of being natural born riders, independent enough to hold the reins, and strong enough to lead their horse with purpose.

Max was thrilled to show Tommy that he could walk and trot on the little pony. It was a tiny thirteen hand thing that Charlie had gotten from one of the Strongs so that Max and the other children could learn to ride. 

Amelia wouldn’t quite warm up to the idea of plopping Annie onto a horse even with Tommy leading the pot-bellied pony. So, he tacked up one of the larger horses and let Annie sit in front of him in the saddle. Despite what had happened a few days ago with Danny, Tommy felt at peace. He was finally back on a horse and what was better he could share the love for the animals with his children.

Annie was chuffed that she was sat up on the chestnut mare. She placed her hands over Tommy’s as he held the reins, feeling as if she were really the one running the show.

Amelia watched nervously from the sidelines although she was happy to see her daughter so excited. And it was such a relief that Tommy was there. He wouldn’t miss another milestone. There was no guilt or sadness behind the event. She wasn’t feeling like something was missing. Everything was whole.


	25. August 1918

By August of that year, Barney was locked away in the asylum. It happened so suddenly. Although he certainly hadn’t been himself since his last gunshot wound in the trenches, everyone had hoped that he would reacclimate as time went on. But his behavior only got worse. He was prone to violent outbursts that he didn’t even remember seconds after.

Tommy and the rest of the 179th did their best to try and keep him calm and out of trouble. But there was only so much they could do. A few episodes at the Garrison was one thing. Harry could accept that the man was clearly out of his mind and not doing it on purpose. But the rest of the public world couldn’t understand.

Barney was arrested a few times. But his was committed after he bit a cop and tried to escape jail. He was deemed insane soon after.

Amelia knew Tommy took it very hard. They all did. These men who were parts of their lives were suddenly changed beyond a point of return. And there was nothing they could do about it. They couldn’t visit Barney and they couldn’t get Danny’s fits under control either.

Rosie was at her wit's end and relied heavily on support from Amelia. Consequently, this allowed Tommy to slip back into his habits of working all hours of the day.

Amelia noticed this a few months in, but she wasn’t sure what to say. Before the war, she had no problem laying into him about working himself to death. But after? Well, she didn’t know what to even say. She felt guilty about being strict about anything. In her mind, he had been through enough. Why should she scold him on something that was small compared to the grand scheme of things?

But she wasn’t blind either. Amelia was aware that he never slept more than a few hours at a time. She couldn’t find the warmth in his eyes anymore. He was less outspoken than before and had a habit of sitting in stony silence instead of speaking out. He was energetic with the kids, at least as much as he could be on the amount of sleep he was getting.

Amelia was grateful for that. Although it hurt to know Tommy had changed so much, at least the kids wouldn’t realize.

Amelia went into the betting shop one sweltering afternoon to bring Tommy lunch. He hadn’t eaten that morning and had been absent during dinner the night before. But there was no sign of him. She went into Arthur’s office to see where he was.

“He came in early this morning, was here before everyone else.” Her brother-in-law answered. “He left ‘bout an hour ago saying he would be back later.” 

“He didn’t say where he would be?” Amelia asked, her concern growing.

Arthur shook his head. “I asked but he never answered.”

She chewed on her lip. “Okay…well.” She considered waiting but figured her nerves would get the better of her. “Here, you can have this.” She gave Arthur the lunch before leaving the shop.

Small Heath wasn’t particularly large, but that didn’t mean he was even there. He could’ve gone beyond the neighborhood. She started with Charlie’s Yard. That’s where Annie and Max were for the day. They were cranky inside because of the heat so she sent them to both Charlie for the morning.

“Haven’t seen him,” Charlie said, sitting on a stool in the shade while he watched the kids. Curly was showing them a grasshopper he’d found in one of the horse stalls. The kids were so taken by the discovery that they didn’t even notice their mother arriving.

“Do you know where he might’ve gone?” Amelia asked hopefully.

“Whenever he’d get in a mood, he’d go to the graveyard to visit his mum,” Charlie replied. “I’d look there.”

“Thank you,” Amelia said gratefully, hoping Tommy’s uncle was right.

Across the yard, Annie squealed. The grasshopper had jumped out of Curly’s cupped hand and was on the loose. Max ran to try and catch it again. They were both so caught up in the summer fun, that she wasn’t going to interrupt it with her nerves.

“I’ll be back to take them off your hands,” Amelia promised Charlie.

“S’alright. They’re not hurting anyone.” He nodded before she went off toward the graveyard.

Charlie was right. Amelia found Tommy among the overgrown grass and crooked headstones. But he wasn’t standing in front of his mother’s grave. Hers was a few rows down. No, he was standing in the newer section in front of a newer plot.

“Tom.” Amelia hated interrupting him while he was in deep thought, but she was just thankful she’d found him.

He glanced over his shoulder. Without saying anything, he reached for her hand. She took it as she stood beside him. That’s when she noticed they were in front of Greta Jurossi’s grave.

“When I got the letter from you, the one where you said she had died, I didn’t believe it.” He spoke in a quiet voice, just loud enough to hear over the sound of cicadas in the grass. “I dunno, I just thought she was going to be the one to upset the system. One of those historical figures that people talk about.”

Amelia knew that he and Greta shared the same ideologies. Aspirations that she was afraid of but Greta wasn’t. He had respect for her.

“I know.” She said gently. “She would come by sometimes to the shop. She and Polly would always get worked up about the rights of women and the working class.” She smiled weakly.

Tommy nodded, his eyes staring into space. “You were right, though.”

“About what?”

“When you came back, I was telling you about the communist group. You didn’t think it was enough to change the world.” He recalled. “And you were right.”

“Tom…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing more to say.”

Young Tommy Shelby had so many dreams and a drive to change everything he saw as unjust. But the world had taken him in its fist and squeezed the convictions out of him. It had forced him into the mold of a soldier. Forced him to comply. Killed off Greta, killed her message.

But Tommy wasn’t dead yet. There was a new fire lit inside of him. “Politics, laws, parties. It doesn’t matter. You can’t win if you play by their rules.”

“So, what are you-”

He began to walk back down the path, still holding her hand. “Everything will be alright.” He promised her. “You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

The two went back to the Yard to bring the children home with them. Charlie was still taking refuge in the shade, smoking a pipe and watching Annie running around in the mud.

“You found him then.” He commented as Amelia and Tommy came up to him.

“Not a lot of places you can hide in Small Heath,” Tommy replied to his uncle.

“I hope they weren’t a fuss, Charlie.” Amelia ignored her husband’s glib response.

“I’ll tell you what, that boy of yours is just like you, Tom,” Charlie remarked. “Full of energy but once he’s around a horse, he’s quiet as a mouse.”

“I’m sure you taught him well then.”

“I didn’t teach him anything.” He shook his head. “Must be the Traveler blood in him.” 

“He doesn’t have Traveler blood, Charlie,” Tommy muttered in reply.

“Well, then it’s fucking intuition, hell if I know.” His uncle rolled his eyes, his pipe still tucked between his lips as he spoke.

“Hell, if you know.” Tommy shook his head. “You better not have been teaching him that kind of fucking language.” He warned before heading toward the horse stalls to find Max.

“That one has Traveler blood in her.” Charlie pointed his pipe toward Annie. The little girl had ruined her skirt by stomping around in the mud by the canal. She had a loose hold on her teddy bear that seemed just as filthy from the morning’s play.

“You think?”

“Reminds me of Pol when she was little. An absolute terror but you’d be happy to see her come around. Max will be a gifted rider, like Tom. But Annie won’t back down from a challenge, no matter how many times she’s bucked off.”

The thought of her precious daughter being bucked off a horse was a nightmare to Amelia. But she knew that there was no forcing Annie into being someone she wasn’t. Amelia knew that all too well. Her family wanted her to be a lady of high society. They wanted her to be proper, educated but not too educated, and a million miles beyond Small Heath. But she was aware that she was a girl of lower class. Her upbringing was nothing compared to the socialites in London. She ran the streets with the Shelbys much to her parents’ discontent. And while she wasn’t as fierce and feisty as Tommy and Arthur, she didn’t mind living in Small Heath. She loved the people there.

The more her parents pushed, the more she rebelled. In London, she felt empty. She had no friends because all the girls her age were boring to her. London felt cold and desolate to her. Sure, the place they lived in was nicer, but it didn’t matter.

So, if Annie wanted to be a wild girl who flocked to dangerous horses, then there really wasn’t a thing Amelia could do about it. Not with Tommy’s blood in her.

“Not even half a year since he’s come back and you’re already up the duff, _again_.”

Martha and Amelia snickered behind their hands. It was true. Martha was pregnant again and Polly was bewildered by the revelation.

“Oh, Pol, it’s okay.” Amelia smiled. "It was bound to happen once John came back." 

“You and John are getting your own flat, or I'll get my own. I’ve had more than enough newborns in this house at one time.” Polly replied firmly.

“I suppose that’s only fair.” Martha agreed. Six Watery Lane had become quite the den of rascals. “At least John is home and can help me with the other two."

“And make sure he does. Those three have been working themselves to death.” Polly shook her head in disapproval. “And it’s all Tommy’s doing.” She glanced at Amelia.

“I think they’re just trying to find their place in the world again.” Amelia shrugged. “Remember when they were gone? We had to adapt to the world. Now they do too.”

Polly didn’t look convinced. “When a Shelby man is working like the devil, that means there’s going to be trouble.” She warned.

It did speak to the conversation she and Tommy had earlier in the graveyard. “He did seem to have some plans.” She admitted. “But he didn’t say what.”

Polly continued to smoke by the kitchen table where Amelia and Martha were sitting. “One can only guess what goes on in that head of his.”

Amelia looked down at her lap. As his wife, she thought she would be the one to know. But she felt just as blind as the rest of them.

It was a rare night, but one that Amelia rejoiced in having. After dinner, she got the kids washed up and put in bed. After Tommy kissed them each goodnight, he returned to the master bedroom and caught Amelia before she even made it to her vanity.

Without a word, he kissed her deeply. He pressed her up against the door as he locked it to avoid any awkward situations if one of the children wandered in unannounced.

It was so easy for Amelia to forget everything when Tommy held her. She could rejoice in the fact that in those brief moments, she was taken care of. There was nothing to interrupt them, nothing to cause them harm, it was just the two of them. They were the moments Amelia yearned for when he was in France. The moments where she could keep him close and cast aside the ugliness of the world. 

But the feeling couldn’t last and they were brought back to Earth as the night wore on. Still, they enjoyed each other’s company in the dead hours of the night. Amelia curled up in the crook of his arm, tracing the new scars on his chest that he’d obtained in the trenches. He held her close as he smoked.

Eventually, he broke the silence and uttered a rare confession to her. “I’m going to do bad things, Mel.”

The admission sent a chill up her spine. Yet, it was something she already knew. Something she’d known even in childhood when adults would comment on Tommy’s proclivity for mischief. When they remarked how his father was nothing but a waste of space. When they speculated how Tommy would live up to the Shelby name. A name cursed.

“I know.” She whispered. From then on, she was complicit. Her wish to stay in Small Heath as a child had brought her to that point. Her wishes for Tommy to stay out of danger had fallen upon deaf ears as she should’ve realized. But if she wanted a quiet, polite, bland husband, she would’ve stayed in London to marry one. Instead, she was with someone who was destined to be one of the most dangerous men in Britain.


	26. September 1918

“Morning Mrs. Shelby.”

It had become commonplace in the later months of 1918. When walking down the street, Amelia was greeted and addressed politely. Some people even went out of their way to avoid walking by her. Of course, she was just a young woman, a mother of two. There wasn’t much she could do to harm them. But it was her affiliation that brought her a level of notoriety.

Tommy had taken the income made during the war years and turned it into a budding empire. He’d grown so much power seemingly overnight.

People in every corner of Birmingham whispered about him and his brothers. They were afraid that if they spoke the name Shelby too loudly, they’d be struck down.

“Mummy, who’s that?” Max asked as they were walking from Polly’s flat back to the betting shop. A gentleman had just tipped his hat and greeted Amelia.

“I uh, I think he must work with daddy.” She answered although she wasn’t entirely sure.

“Daddy knows everyone,” Annie said.

Amelia laughed softly. “Well not everyone. But he knows many people. We grew up here with your aunts and uncles.”

“Where?” Max asked curiously.

“That flat down by the lamppost.” She pointed down the road to her childhood home. Over time it had become just part of the landscape for her. But when she moved back to Birmingham, she couldn’t help but feel the tear in her heart when she passed by its black door. 

It was where she was born, had her birthdays, spent time with her mother and father, and felt most safe.

The knocker on the door was still the one that had been there when she was growing up. The same one that Tommy used to get her to come out and play. Sometimes Amelia’s mother would close the door on him. So, he’d go around back and throw pebbles at her window instead.

Amelia felt like her life was severed. What she once had and what she now had. She could argue that she was much better off with her children and husband. But there was still that yearning for the family she once had with her parents.

She pulled herself away from the sadness and smiled. “Your father and I would play football on this street with your aunt and uncles.”

“Did daddy love you?” Annie asked.

Amelia smiled and squeezed her hand. “I think so, poppet. I loved him very much. Almost as much as I do now.”

Ada was clearly upset about something. When she was angry, she made it a point not to speak to anyone and made sure they knew it.

It became very clear when she arrived home to Six Watery while Martha and Amelia were spending time chatting in the kitchen, waiting for Polly who promised to go shopping with them after she settled some work issues.

Ada came storming into the house, slamming the door behind her. She walked through the kitchen to the betting shop doors.

“Ada?” Amelia frowned when she saw the look of anger on the Shelby girl’s face.

She didn’t answer and marched into the betting shop hell-bent on getting something accomplished.

The other two women shared a glance before Amelia stood up to follow her. She wove between the men at work to follow Ada into Arthur’s office.

There, the two eldest Shelbys were speaking with one another.

“Why are you alienating your friends?” Ada demanded loudly.

“Why are you coming into an office unannounced?” Tommy shot back.

“Are you planning on cutting ties with everyone once they stop doing what you tell them?” His sister didn’t back down.

Arthur stood up from his desk to calm things down. “Alright, alright, what’s the matter then?”

“Freddie told me that he left the business and he said that you cut Danny out as well,” Ada explained her ire.

Amelia, standing in the doorway, paused. This was all news to her.

“That isn’t any of your concern.”

“Oh, so now you’re a big-shot businessman. You don’t care about anyone.” Ada snapped sarcastically.

“Why do you care so much, aye?” Tommy demanded.

There was a hesitation in Ada’s face. As if there was something right on the tip of her tongue but she knew the consequences if she let the words slip. And right then and there it dawned on Amelia what those words were.

“Because they saved your life in France. The least you could do is repay the fucking favor.” Ada spat before leaving the office, bumping into Amelia on her way out.

Tommy and Arthur watched her leave then looked to Amelia.

“Tom?” She asked quietly.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Freddie doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore.” He spoke evenly. “Said the communist party was a better use of his time, a better cause. Doesn’t approve of our methods anymore.”

“What about Danny?”

Arthur sat back down; his eyes downcast with guilt. “The war fucking got ‘im. Ain’t the same Danny he used to be.”

“We’ve done everything we possibly can,” Tommy added.

Amelia got a bad taste in her mouth. “Rosie relies on you to help. She doesn’t know what to do-”

“And I do?” Tommy replied harshly.

She swallowed and shook her head. “I guess not.” She didn’t linger much longer after that, leaving the office before she got hurt any further.

“Ada?” Amelia knocked on the bedroom door again. “Ada, it’s just me, please let me in.”

Only silence met her for a few moments. Then, the door opened slowly. The young woman had obviously been crying but was attempting to hide it.

“Oh, love, I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing for him,” Ada muttered before going to go sit on her bed.

Amelia walked into her room and sat beside her. On the bed, there was a heap of letters. Gently, she picked some up and flipped through them. “These are from Freddie?”

Ada nodded. “I love him, Mel.” She admitted hoarsely. “And he loves me. But those bastards downstairs would never approve.”

There was no use in lying to her. Amelia was well aware that any news of Ada and Freddie being together wouldn’t go over well with the rest of the household.

“I just wish we could have what you and Tommy have. Everyone just…they just knew you’d be together. It was just something that was supposed to happen. But they’d never say that about Freddie and me.”

Amelia wrapped an arm around her sister-in-law. “I know you’re discouraged and I understand why. But no matter what they say, I say that if you truly love him, I won’t judge you. It’s about what makes you happiest.”

Ada sniffled and wiped her eyes. “They don’t want me to be happy.”

“Oh, now I don’t think that’s true. They just…” She sighed. “They just think they know what’s best for you. You know they’re very headstrong.”

“I know.”

“And there may be a day when their opinion changes. Right now, the dust just needs to settle. They’re still trying to find their place in the world again. And that may take time.”

Amelia began to notice that Tommy’s side of the bed was not being slept in. There were more nights in the week when he was absent than when he slept next to her. Though she was feeling neglected, her instinct was to worry about his health.

Especially with Danny’s increase in outbursts and Rosie’s panic. Amelia was more and more worried that Tommy’s mind was going too.

She decided to stay up, no matter how tired she was. The longer time passed, the more anxious she became.

Until finally, around one in the morning, she heard the door open and shut downstairs. But she never heard Tommy’s footsteps climb the stairs. So, she decided to go down herself.

A lamp in the sitting room was on and there was a scent of something burning. Although it was a strange unfamiliar scent to her.

Amelia cautiously entered the room. “Tom?”

He was sitting on the couch and placing a long pipe on the coffee table in front of him. He looked up to see his wife’s form lit up by the glow of the lamp burning in front of him. “Mel…” He slurred and began to slump down into the sofa cushions.

“Tommy.” She crossed the room quickly to see what was wrong. She knelt by him and took his face in her hands. “What’s the matter? What are you doing?”

“M’alright.” He assured her in a laxed tone. His eyelids were heavy. “It’s just…” He didn’t finish his sentence before he drifted off.

Amelia was completely unsure of what to do. It was obvious that he was breathing, but she wasn’t sure if she should be afraid, he would stop breathing. Trembling slightly, she guided his hand away from the pipe and laced her fingers with his. To calm her nerves, she counted his slow breathing as he slept.

And she sat there counting all night. Until the wee hours of the morning when Tommy began to stir and twitch in his sleep.

Exhausted, Amelia felt his hand tighten around hers. Then suddenly, he jerked awake, sitting up in a panic.

It jolted Amelia out of her tired daze as her hand was ripped out of his by his abrupt movement. 

“Tommy, Tom, it’s okay.” She tried to reassure him.

Breathing heavily, he looked around the room trying to gauge where he was and if he was safe. His eyes landed on his wife and his heart rate started to steady. “Mel…” He looked slightly past her and found his pipe and opium still out in the open, making him tense up again.

Amelia wasn’t sure what to say. She wondered all night what she might ask when he awoke, but there were no words. Her chest tightened and everything came out all at once. “I stayed up all night with you.” She gasped out; the words had been stuck in her head for so many hours. “I didn’t know…I don’t understand.” 

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t know how to make you understand.”

She tried so desperately to not cry. “Have you not been sleeping?”

He rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and letting his head hang. “I have if I…” He sighed. “I haven’t been sleeping upstairs because I don’t want to wake you or the kids.” He explained.

“It’s nightmares then.” She concluded.

Tommy put his face in his hands. “Feels worse.” He muttered into his palms.

Amelia rested a hand on his knee. She looked to the pipe that had gone cold hours ago. The lamp near it had been snuffed out by her hours earlier. How could this be? She was jealous of a drug. Jealous of opium. Jealous that it offered her husband relief while she couldn’t.

He lifted his head when there was a sound of a slowly plodding by the flat. “Max’s birthday is on Friday.”

She nodded. “It is.”

As the sun began to rise, they stayed there for a long while until the children woke. Nothing resolved, Tommy placed the pipe back into hiding and Amelia tried to forget she ever saw him slide the box underneath the sofa.


End file.
